Dating other couples

Scorpion: We don't think you are old school. But you may not find a lot of what you are looking for, or at least not in every relationship. We have had a few LS relationships where there was a friendship, some "dating" and vanilla times with sexy friends. That's how we got started.

We've had, and have, the same with single guys. But you're highly likely not to have that in all or even many LS friendships. As pointed out by others, many LS singles and couples want a quick fantasy experience and not a lot of contact or relationship building.

We think good, positive, healthy relationships make the sex with others better. But we also know we're unlikely to get that in the majority of LS hookups or events. Our attitude now is to enjoy the situation and people as they are. Some of them will turn into friends, and others will be momentary flings. The good thing about the LS is that most folks are pretty friendly and open so you can re-engage them at different times and places.

I think it's a question of vastly different interpretations of what swinging even is, which in turn impacts motivation to get involved in swinging in the first place. You're in a lifestyle where thousands go on cruises and visit clubs and attend private sex parties to have no strings sex. You think people paying all that money to go on a lifestyle cruise are taking the time to court one another, and truly have a deep connection before enjoying the physical attraction? People aren't going to clubs with lockers, showers, changing rooms, beds, lubricants, etc to do a meet and greet.

You joined a sex-centric, sex positive community looking for vanilla courting rituals. Alter your expectations accordingly.

scorpionbull - Even at parties we like to chat and get to know people a little first. Obviously pictures don't come onto play at a party unless it was one with an SLS signup/attendee list.

Kind of the beauty of parties is that, once you get to know and like people, you already know they are a potential play option. In the meantime, you get to talk to and know other people. Sometimes we'll go to a few parties before we play with someone we chatted with at prior parties.

We see a number of couples that just like time to compare notes alone together after they meet someone new, and that's fine. If they decide it's a Yes after comparing notes, it becomes another play option. Everyone is different in their approach and we try to respect that. It is fun and flattering though when people break their "meet only first time" rule with us because they feel so comfortable and/or attracted to us. That has happened a number of times to us.

Being that we usually know a number of people at the parties we attend, there is no need for any sort of pressure when we meet new people. We already know that we're going to be playing with some of the people we know at some point. I think it's partly this lack of pressure along with engaging conversations that makes some people want to play with us all that much more.

Even after we know and like someone, it is very rare to ever just jump right into play without catching up on each others lives a bit first. It is a turn off for the Mrs in particular to have a guy be all about sex only.

All of that said, we do NOT need others we play with to be ideal mate types. In other words, we have lots of friends that we like and play with that we'd not be compatible with as mates long term. That is not required for us to enjoy someone's company, and of course some recreational sex or "sport fucking" , as some call it.

While we have played with couples on a first meeting, we've also met for a strictly social first meeting to gage chemistry & confirming they look like their pics.

Thats why we DO meet to see if we have chemistry over dinner, dancing, something.. we can tell pretty quick if we have chemistry, if you can hold a conversation, dress nice, smell good, if you are fun etc etc.. if not we say its been a great night but not a match.. if all click its off to our bed at home or a hotel if traveling.

Now as we have stated in our profile.. it starts... with their profile and photos . If they place NO TIME and EFFORT... we will not even meet!

We have been doing this a long time and only one time we got home and the guy was an asshole we kicked out of our home... he is no longer on SLS with his female 'friend... a guy who had no business swinging !

Our profile indicates we prefer to get to know another couple first. The result of that is that we don't have success and only get messages back that say variations of we're only intersted in hooking up. Heck folks don't even want to share their first names anymore.
Frank & Nina

I am willing to do it eithier way.

I wonder if PrEP, HIV treatments and HPV and Hep treatments have changed the landscape for swinging. It's less of a death sentence to sleep with the wrong people.

I'm still pretty risk averse, so I like to get to know a person before I have sex with them. Sex for me is 80% connection.

Nope we are not old fashion but does anyone date (get to know each other) anymore? It seems the sex party has pushed the ONS agenda forward so if you are not having sex right away you're a waste of time. We enjoy seeing if we like you before we fuck you and more importantly that you actually look like the pictures you sent. We have had more success grabbing a drink with ppl than trying anything else and it's not even close, but we wanted to know, is this old school?