Sounds like you had fun writing your profile text. It's funny stuff, and that goes a long ways. As a former girlfriend put it, "if you can make a woman smile, you can make her laugh, and if you can make her laugh, you can take her to bed". You might want to tighten up some of the syntax a bit, but that's probably a personal thing.
Now here's the bad. You need new photos. No crotch shots in your public photos. No bathroom selfies. Bathroom selfies need to be given the Rasputin Treatment (shot, strangled, drowned, beaten, and burned with fire). Selfies tend to make one look lazy, like you aren't interested in putting in any work on selling yourself, and judging by your profile text, that's not the case. The only selfie that's really flattering is the action selfie, like if you snapped the photo while rock climbing on a cliff face at 300 ft above certain death.
If you absolutely have to take the photos yourself, do selfies that don't LOOK like selfies. Get a cheap tripod and phone clamp from Amazon for less than $20, check your background to make sure that it's neat and tidy, use the timer on your camera app and take LOTS of photos and sort for the best.
Good luck.
