What can we improve on our profile?

So... We know people who go to The Cottage, and it isn't unreasonable that we may see you there one day.

We need to talk about pictures.

So, pictures have a purpose - you use them so people can gauge attraction, but also as a shorthand to show how hot and fun you are. You never want to show the same picture. What's the point in showing the same picture or pose? You are just taking another risk that someone will find something wrong with you. So you don't need 10 face pictures - one in a fitting room, one leaning on a door, one leaning on a chest - unless they show you doing interesting things.

Now regarding your pictures... my fear is that if we made a date with you, the male half would roll in looking like he just came from Gamestop. The pictures you posted are very low-effort. They don't tell a story. They don't make you seem interesting or sexy. Honestly, they make you seem like you don't want to be there. I don't think you two are smiling in any of them and your house is a mess. Yes, I know that you have kids, but that's not my problem.

My standard advice is to take 5 pictures. male face and body, female face and body and a full body of the two of you together dressed like you are going someplace nice like church or a nice dinner. Take them at a nicer restaurant. The next 5 pictures need to me of you doing interesting things - going on vacation, hiking, bowling.

So now I'm going to get a little Queer Eye on you. I think the male half really needs to shave the goatee and get a new, more fashionable pair of glasses. I also suggest that he go to Joseph A. Bank with about $400 and ask for help picking out the following wardrobe: 1 navy sportcoat, 1 pair of tan slacks, 1 pair of grey slacks, 2 shirts that fit, and tan shoes. Buy the matching belt at Ross. IF you show up for a date in a Legend of Zelda or Fallout shirt, we are not going to fuck you. I made an effort to look nice, you can too.

So that's about it. Please get some new clothes take new pictures and seriously consider changing the male half's look.

Hi. I think your profile now does a much better job of representing you. Good luck!

Thank you, we updated it.

Hi and welcome. Your profile has okay bones, but like your photos there's some visibly sloppy stuff that is off-putting.

First, change your tagline. I don't think it's this year's Halloween party you're already exclaiming over, but if it is, wait until September. Clever if you can, but informative if you can't.

Your profile is nearly three years old and you don't have certs, which will be a problem for some, plus you're clear you took time off. That's fine, but along with some of the language it suggests you're not exactly committed to this whole swinging thing. Some of the problem language is in Looking For, where you sound reluctant in some predictable ways. Here are the words/phrases I mean: no expectations, explore at a comfortable pace, respect...required! no pressure. Later, you talk about schedules being a challenge and being madly in love.

Are you really sure you want to do this? Because if you are, these are things that need to be in the conversations you have with each other, rather than displaying all kinds of signs of reluctance where others can see them and respond by saying oh hell no to the two of you. Seriously, you sound like drama just waiting for a place to explode.

If that's not an accurate reflection, then think about language that would accurately reflect the two of you, what you're looking for that will actually welcome people into your bed, without all the caveats.

Also, say more about yourselves, things that are not related to sex, that might interest others.

Then, when you've got those words down, read them out loud so that you can avoid clunkers that pass through spell check but are wrong, like "than so quality flirting." Then bring what you have back for a review.

Final thing, it's very poor form to tell other adults what to do. People are not going to write back just because you tell them to and the rest of us are just going to be shaking our heads at your combination of naiveté and poor manners. A non-response is a response and that needs to be enough for you.

Good luck.

like everyone else asks, What can we do to make our profile better? Thank you in advanced.