You’re right, not far at all! We make wonderful tour guides, though we admit our tours generally follow a predictable path: bar hopping downtown, head back to the hot tub when we’re sober enough to drive but it’s too early to crash, and somewhere in there clothes disappear...I blame Canada, the boss says it’s my fault, but as I look back, I don’t recall anyone complaining ;D
Haha! I like that! You're not of my tribe. Bye! I'm going to steal that one!
As far as being shallow....Eh, I'm not going to beat anyone up about it (Especially myself). It's not like we're looking for our soul mates. If someone is in this LS, you've probably already found the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. At least Kelly and I have. You're primarily looking for people to have sex with. And they have to be attractive to both of you. If you end up being lifelong friends....great. That's the ultimate goal. Now having said that...Kelly and I will absolutely email a couple with NO pics, based on how their profile reads. So it goes both ways, ya dig? lol . I guess what I'm trying to say is....it's your adventure, write it the way you want!
Now don't be joking about us ending up in a hot tub some time! Kelly and I tend to wander a lot, and get into adventures when I'm home from deployment! And Tennessee isn't that far from Oklahoma! ;-)
WesNKelly: Totally dig all of your responses. Thanks for the scree name compliment too. Like everything, there's a story behind it we'll tell you if we ever end up in a bar/hot tub having a beverage or ten.
The Mrs. loves my facial hair enough she's never seen me without it except in pictures, and I, too, will never get rid of it. She turns up her nose when I suggest dying it too.
We specifically include "Race is not an issue" early in our profile for the same reasons you're keeping "Spades" in your profile. We agreed that would reduce our contacts from other couples in the South, and not only are we okay with it, that's exactly what we want to happen. It's an excellent way to filter out those we won't mix with well.
We're with you on the suit/tie thing. For folks starting out, there's absolutely a point to using the DEBauCH format for pictures. It creates a widely accepted mix of pictures that will give you the largest possible pool of playmates to fish in. For us, we've learned that's not really the pool we WANT to fish in. I had to wear a suit to work for years, and I only put one on now for very special occasions. I certainly wouldn't wear one to a meet and greet, so why present a false impression of who I am by having a suit/tie pic in my profile? We prefer being nude or in jeans when we meet a couple, so that's the pictures we put in our profile. Don't like them? (Yes, we've had people email us saying they thought we should drop some of the photos) Thank you very much, you've let us know you're not part of our tribe, glad they served their purpose, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out KkThxBye.
As far as the shallowness of the online dating process, it absolutely happens and we're as guilty as any. We can only go by what people present to us in their profile, and if we don't like what we see, we'll send a polite "No" and move on. With the volume of looks and contacts we get, we'd spend our lives in meet-n-greets if we didn't have a pretty rigorous screening process. Their profile fits on a post card, the email fits on a postage stamp, all pics are of the wife, and/or no face pics are the main reason they don't get past first base.
Having said that, some of our most memorable encounters have been with people who wouldn't pass our initial screening were they to email us. Meeting them in person, particularly in a low-pressure environment like a nude resort, lets us get to know them without any "metrics" to go by.
As far as emailing goes, we're working on a process. Take a gander at the thread and let us know your thoughts if you would.
Sorry, haven't re-visited this post in a bit.
I appreciate all the feedback. I'm going to try to address most of the suggestions/comments.....but the format that this website is laid out is horrible. Hard to go back and reference other posts/replies.
Privateice; Yeah, I've had this beard for a long time. I'm very familiar with the "women either love it or hate it" phenomenon! lol Thing is, I'm usually not going to be attracted to the kind of woman that hates it. And yeah, I do actually get it trimmed professionally. I learned that lesson early on. It will actually end up being an inch long everywhere if I do it. And this has been mentioned a couple times, so I'll address it here. The suit and tie/jacket thing: We aren't really those kind of people. I'm not sure we'd enjoy hanging out with those kind of people. Now we will "dress up" occasionally. She'll wear something sexy and I'll wear a collard shirt and nice jeans. But I'll probably also be wearing big black motorcycle boots. And my collared shirt will probably have skulls on it somewhere! lol . I am going to take that advice though, and get some photos with us "dressed up" as we define dressed up.
Miss Molly; I agree with you, kinda. I think it's a kind of shallowness, it's just easier to express that shallowness when you're looking at a "catalog" of people that you can rate on a scale. Like you said, when your'e at a club or a party, you're responding to the people's personalities as much as their looks. Probably more so for a woman. Believe me.....with my ugly mug, I learned to make a woman laugh a loooong time ago! lol We went into this thing knowing that we weren't going to be attracted to every couple that contacted us, and vice versa. That's life. Not a big deal for us. Also.... I'm happy to report to you, that the beard will be staying. Pretty sure Kelly would break up with me if I did anything other than get it trimmed. Hell...when I met her I used to dye it so it wouldn't be grey. She's the one that said she wanted to see the grey in it. And she loved it. Been natural ever since!
CatchyNickName; The word "spades" actually has some background meaning for me and Kelly. So it's staying. If someone is ignorant and racist enough to assume that we prefer one skin type over another, we probably wouldn't get along with them very well. Love your profile name btw.
Funcoupleforplay; I actually think you've said one of the things that resonates with me the most; That we might be giving people the impression we are looking for a "one night stand". I am going to change the wording in my bio to reflect our desire to have an "ongoing relationship" with whomever we meet, and click with. And you are right.....very conservative area we live in. There are however lots of people in Oklahoma/Arkansas on SLS. So it seems to me, that there are lots of "closet freaks" in our area.
Ok...I'm thru typing for now. Thanks for all the responses. I think our profile is already looking better. Now...if I could just get better at typing emails! Haha!
So, the beard thing and the tattoos is going to turn a LOT of women off. When you are a woman, either you like beards or you don't. Either you like tattoos or you don't. On SLS men may perv the photos, but the women get the final thumbs up or down.
Here's what you can do.
Our resident Sage Velma talks about what photos to post using her DEBauCH method for profiles.The D stands for a Formal wear Date photo. This is something your profile DOESN'T have and a place where you can REALLY shine. Pare down the casual biker photos which really underscore your biker cred at the expense of making you look scary to the everyone else who is not a biker. Show that you have other--less overwhelming--parts of your personality, while still asserting your persona. Also, Show other parts of your personality. You do more than just ride. Show it.
A long beard doesn't HAVE to be an unkempt beard. You can go to the barber shop, get the barber to take the merest smidge off the edges and really clean everything up sharply, slick everything down, condition/oil your beard and your hair, and you will look like a million bucks for 24-48 hours. Have your wife go to the beauty shop and come home looking like a million bucks TOO.
Then you and the wife get formal (formal dress with long gloves or a bolero jacket for her). If you are country to the bone, wear a nice string tie, shined cowboy boots, and jacket instead of a Windsor knot and loafers. Take her somewhere VERY nice for supper and have the staff take some photos. Tell them it's your anniversary (of the first Tuesday you ever spent together). A trendy wine bar will do. You get photos for your profile and the wife gets a nice night out. Party. BONUS.
The purpose is to show your neighbors that "you clean up well." Yes, you are bikers in your "t-shirt and jeans" life, but you are also perfectly comfortable in a "pearls and bow-tie" life or a "bikini and shorts" life or a "polo and skirt" life. You're versatile. You can move from garage to pool deck to formal dining room with aplomb. Lightning isn't going to strike you if you pass a church.
Public service announcement: The way to get a blank line between your first and second paragraphs is to enter four blank lines. Yes, I know it doesn't make sense. It does, however, work. You can all thank rabbit of rabbitandscamp for figuring this out.
I'm not entirely certain that shallowness is the answer, not exactly. More like...it's easier to reject people when they're abstracts, the way they are in SLS profiles. Real people, the ones you meet at parties, clubs, meet and greets, show up with their charm and their vulnerabilities and all those mental checklist items fly out the door for a lot of us and we react positively to the people in front of us. And then we go back to thinking of profiles as part of our Amazon shopping list.
OP (that's you WesNKellySpades), I'm voting for the beard just the way it is. I think you two make a good pair, both attractive, with an interesting look that while it isn't for everyone (at least not on line), is really appealing. I do think making some of the changes that have been suggested to your profile and photos will definitely help. And, bright side, changing your photos and just enough of your text to make it fresh will probably have people reacting as if you're new all over again.
People are shallow and judgemental, especially on dating sites. Lifestylers are perhaps more so about certain things. Your screen name alone can turn people off, and I wonder if having Spades in there doesn't put off some couples in your neck of the woods. (I'm thinking QoS and it's variants.)
Something to think about if you're not specifically interested in AA partners, and nothing in your profile indicates that's the case.
I think your location definitely has something to do with the amount of responses you have got. I would bet the majority of your neighbors are pretty conservative. From what I interpreted, it seems as though a one time hook up from an out of towner is not what you are looking for. That definitely is a limiting factor to the number of responses you have gotten. So then the limited amount in the area gets cut again by those not into massive tattoos.
Then there is the 16 year age difference. With a 35 year old couple, I could see the guy the guy saying, oh yeah, she's hot, let's message them and the wife saying, let's find a couple closer to my age as well.
And of course, there is the beard. That would eliminate numerous women immediately. I have had a trimmed beard when much younger and have had a mustache most of my life and know from experience, that will eliminate a certain percentage right off the bat. I am not a stylist and don't play one on TV, but I would think that trimming the beard to maybe an inch long would possibly help. Give yourself more of a "James Bond" suave, mature, sophisticated man look, as opposed to just another old biker.
Good luck with your hunting and hopefully this helps.
I usually preface everything with a disclaimer, because I use blunt language and take no prisoners, but I'm either too tired for that at the moment or figure you're tough enough to deal. Maybe both. Just...my aims are benign.
I think you're both attractive too, but I had to use my imagination a little. Pleasant expressions are really important, because they invite people in. And the selfies don't aid in that, because they're generally pointed in the wrong direction to highlight the upward angles of faces.
I hear you about the deployment and separation, but keep some of what you have and then, at the very least, have someone else take a photo or two of each of you at enough distance to show your bodies straight on and then smile as if you're seeing each other. You might need twenty shots for each one that captures what you want, but that's fine because it's not like that will take long. Oh, and stop furrowing your brow, mister.
As far as your profile text, it's okay but it isn't really doing you any particular favors.
In Looking For, it would help to confine yourselves to writing about who you're looking for and a little about what you're looking for. You're kind of doing that now, but the way you've framed it, it's all about you. How are other people supposed to see themselves in your descriptions? Maybe try recasting what you have, using the word "we" only once. Oh, and complete sentences, please.
In Description, I'm not a fan of using words to describe things your photos do better. I really like the sexy one/lucky one thing though, so I hope you keep it. Just maybe use it more for the kind of people you are and weave that in with who you are as a couple. Changing a "lol" to an emoji is not an improvement. Sorry not sorry. ;-) (Your profile, unlike a forum post, is a fairly formal piece of writing and the rules are different). The DD free thing belongs in Additional comments and the part about being married belongs nowhere. It's no one's business, but I'm all for describing yourself as a devoted couple, because that's a sweet image.
Fantasies is good, although clearly written by a man, but a "vaca" is a cow where I come from and that was disturbing. Maybe "vacay" instead? Also, if you change "episode" to experience, you can lose the quote marks and that would be an improvement. Also, threeway is one word, not two, despite what spellcheck says.
Additional comments...eh. It's kind of poor form to end on a negative or a prescriptive. Maybe just toggle to a lesser interest in men, say something about them way up in Looking For (talk about single women there too, if you're actually interested) and put the DD free thing here along with something that ends on a positive note.
Oh, and before I forget, your age ranges are a little suspect. Normally a 20 year range is fine, but because of the age difference, what you have is 19 years younger than him to one year older. The optics for that are bad and suggest that either he is too old for her already and she is unwilling to look at older or that he is uncomfortable with his age and unwilling to look at women even two years his senior. None of that may be true, but that's the impression you're leaving. I'd suggest opening the top end some and if 54 or whatever turns out to be too old for you, just send a polite no thank you without adjusting your toggles.
And last thing, after you make all the text changes you're going to make and get them approved, go in and change your smoking and drinking toggles, unless you actually want smokers and drinkers.
Good luck.
I would keep numbers 4,8,9 and 11. Kill everything else.
NJN: Ok....I added a little to our written "bio". For right now our pics are going to have to stand since I"m deployed on the other side of the planet. We're just not bit picture takers when we're out together so we don't have a lot.
Also...can you tell me which ones are "less flattering"? You won't hurt our feelings. I'm pretty sure we don't have those like other people. Which brings me to the smiling thing. To me.........that's us smiling. :D
Aside: I hate the way this forum thing is laid out. It's so...............late 90's. I can't remember all the crap that I wanted to address in this post because when you reply it doesn't show you the other posts in your thread!
I appreciate the feedback. I'm deployed right now, so I'll try to make some changes today.
Thanks!
W
A couple of thoughts:
Pair down the pictures a little and get away from the selfies. You should never devote more than one picture to a situation. If you've shown your faces in one pic, the only reason to have a similar selfie is if you are trying to show yourselves doing something interesting. A selfie of you biking and then another selfie of you rock climbing is ok. Two selfies close-up in a row of you frowning at the camera isn't very helpful.
I invented something I call the DEBauCH method. This gives you five core pictures you can put in the first five slots to give you a better chance of you being contacted. The DEBauCH method is a mnumonic that means DATE, EVENT, BEACH, CHICK, HIM.
You need:
DATE pic, that is a full body pic of you two dressed the way you would look if you showed up at a date.
An EVENT pic - A Full Body pic of you doing something interesting like a 5K, sorting event, traveling or rock climbing.
A BEACH pic to show off your bodies. A pool is ok.
Then a full body pic of CHICK and a full body pic of HIM.
I opened a private gallery for you on my profile to show you examples of what DEBauCH method pictures should look like.
Your pictures aren't that bad. It's obvious you two are in love - which is a good thing, but there are only a few pictures of you two smiling. You two also have what I could consider a unique "biker" look. I personally think this is the biggest impediment in finding other couples. You have to be true to yourself, but for the most part, like tends to pair with like. My fear is that the male half's beard may be limiting you to just one subset of people.
I think this may be mitigated if you took a nice DATE pic with the male half dressed up in a Tuxedo or nice sportcoat. Right now, if we were to ask you out on a date, I would be afraid you would show up on an ATV with a dead alligator tied to the front rack. I'd like to get over my stereotype, but every picture you have now reinforces it.
I would talk about your hobbies in the Description section. I use our hobbies (running, triathlon, cigars, basketball) as "hooks" to pull people into writing us because they have the same hobbies. Maybe talk about some of your hobbies in the description.
So, my best suggestion is take some new pictures and re-post so we can review.
Ok...we've been on for a couple weeks now. I think our profile looks decent. Can someone take a look and give me some pointers? We're not getting a lot of "return traffic". I know we're in Oklahoma, which isn't the swingers hub of the universe....but I think we're pretty attractive, and I figured we'd get a few more hits. I've emailed a few couples, but have only gotten a couple replies. One that may turn into something.
Maybe I'm setting my expectations too high....?
