Review Profile

Thanks, i will do that. Pat

Hi Pat. Sorillo is right that people would be happy to help. However, it's not always easy to tell how to start your own thread. Go out to Better Profiles, where all the threads people have created are listed, and on the right hand side of the upper third of the page, there's a clickable link that reads "New Topic." If you click that, the rest is self-explanatory.

Pat, you should start your own thread for a profile review. The crew would be happy to help out then.

Could some one (prefer a couple or lady) review my profile and see where I can make improvements please. Pat

Goodgolly

I don’t know what it is then. I assumed that having a glob for a profile was an issue but apparently it’s not the case on either phone or laptop.

Thank you

Your paragraphs are properly spaced on both my phone and laptop.

PhoebertandWife

Currently on my phone. I didn’t think about that to be honest.

Thank you

I'm actually seeing many, many paragraphs in your profile text - so I'm not sure what the problem is (I'm using the website on a laptop). Are you using the website on a phone, tablet, laptop or desktop or are you using the app on a phone? It might make a difference in what you see.

Hi. I'm pretty sure I recognize those abs. It's been a while and you have a new profile name, but I think we've done this before. So, you know how blunt some of the advice can be. The aim hasn't changed though, with everyone wanting you to be successful.

I would like to add to the chorus telling you to put some clothes on. One of your torso photos is great and I like the back view as well, but there are enough similar shots that I feel like I now know way more than I want to about your taste in underwear and instead of being delighted by your body, I'm a little over it. Don't waste such a prime resource, basically, by offering too much of a good thing. And, yeah, smile. It's way more appealing to women when you do.

As far as your profile, there's a lot of it, you have a number of syntax errors, and I don't like you as much as I should by the time I get to the end. So, yeah, not surprised that you're not garnering the attention you think you should be getting.

Tagline: It's fine, but you're a man rather than a male (one is a noun, the other is not) and you can leave off "...and on going" without losing anything useful.

Looking For: DON'T SHOUT AT ME. Also, your first paragraph after the shouting is a collection of sentence fragments instead of complete sentences. Some people know instinctively how to make that work, but here some good stuff gets lost where it wouldn't if you avoided fragments in favor of correct sentence structure.

Oh, and you and I clearly don't agree on commas, but I think you need more than you use here, even at minimal usage, because they're pause signals. Not using them means you're not signaling to slow down or pause, so you're encouraging skimming, which I'm guessing is at odds with your aim of having people READ THE ENTIRE PROFILE.

Anyway, you have what you need in this section, but it could use a little restructuring and probably fewer words and more punctuation. For instance, "You know the type of individuals, etc.," has a different meaning than "You know, the type of individuals, etc.," and the latter makes more sense than the former, if you're enlisting understanding. If you're not, then the first two words are unnecessary.

Description: You have a lot of words in this section, not all of them useful. Or at least not useful as part of your profile, which is meant to charm and interest people rather than tell them everything. I think you could profitably lose paragraphs 3, 5, and much of 4 and instead tell me something about you that isn't part of your nutshell. What are you interested in? I'm way more curious about that than I am about whether you are or are not a bull.

Fantasies is once again too long, but you'll have to decide which of your darlings needs to go. I'm sure it all feels important - and it is - but it doesn't all need to be in your profile.

In Additional comments, I'd move the information about your play partner to the end, you needn't capitalize "thank you" and while I see why you might want to have them here, the paragraphs that start " I like to voice/video...," "Simply send..." and "I'm not into..." do not paint a good picture of you and will lose part of your audience, even though they are not those who would be wasting your time. You just sound disapproving, high maintenance and not very fun.

I mean, yeah, I get it. I have pretty tight rules for interactions too. But, not in my profile. Because, you know, I actually want people to contact me once in a while. I suspect you do too, so instead of nailing up your manifesto a la Martin Luther, just do a good job of vetting anyone who contacts you and dump them quickly if they seem inclined to waste your time.

Good luck.

Some examples

Being in company with

adds to the fact of understanding

depending on what’s going.

look apart.

To name a few

PhoebertandWife

Thank you for your suggestions. I’ve tried separating the info into paragraphs but SLS keeps putting them into one giant one.

I’ll take a better look at those discrepancies.

Oh - and look up the difference between rite and right. One is an entitlement and the other is a ceremony. ;-)

I hope you've read other profiles and understand what you're in for. We may be blunt and/or mean but it's not about you - it is about your profile. We want it to work for you rather than against you.

I wasn't able to read your entire profile - it was just too much. And I really hate being told what to do - so when someone essentially yells at me to do something I often do the opposite. Pare down the text - a couple short paragraphs in each section should be enough to entice people into contacting you or replying when you contact them. Keep it positive and don't tell people what to do.

What I did notice in my skimming of your profile text is that you don't say much about couples even though you show an interest in couples - so that might be a bit of a turn-off to some. You ask people to send a birdie if they believe there are mutual interests - but I didn't see much beyond you being a fitness enthusiast. There is more about how you like to play than I want to know before meeting someone - a bit of mystery is a good thing. I did skim so I might have missed things but I'll bet most people don't read every word either.

Way too many of essentially the same picture in your public gallery. People would like to see a bit more depth - fully dressed pictures and pictures doing fun things will show a bit of your personality. You are more than just a great body for sex - right? And smile - the neutral expression is not a good look for attracting women. We want to think we'll be having sex with a fun person.

Collect a few more replies and/or read advice to others then make some changes. Let us know if you'd like more advice after your updated text has been approved.

Good luck and have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

RonandKathy

Thank you for your input. My perception was to give a visual of what you would be expecting, with the clothes off, but adding a few photos of me in casual and dress attire wouldn’t hurt.

And smiling photo wouldn’t hurt either, I suppose. Lol

AndJinNNJ

What awkward phrases did you find?

Agreed on the photos. Dress up and smile. Even if you don't plan on showing your face it will make a difference.

Perfect example, while chatting with a guy at a meet and greet my wife wasn't into him. Then he smiled. Presto! He got invited to a more intimate setting all based on a nice smile.

As to your profile.... it's long but not overly so. We suggest reading it out loud and making any changes that come from that. A couple awkward phrases is all we see really. Nothing some great abs can't overcome.

If you're ever in NJ we can probably help you work through some of the profile issues.

Good luck.

It’s that time again.

I feel like my profile is good but it’s not garnering the attention I expected. I don’t know whether it’s too little or too much.

Second to that, it could be the area. It’s not that open minded. Very conservative even when swinging lol.

Please take gander and drop your suggestions.

Ps: How do you create paragraph breaks?

I feel like I’ve tried everything. The breaks are included on the edit but are no where to be found on the finish product.