Profile updated

Must share...as the boss was reading through the thread, she read “get a load” as “shoot a load” which made my comment even better! GMTA

I win at life!

Why, the last time I was asked to shoot a load...wait. Sorry. I'll bet they're spectacular! That's what I meant to say. Now however could we see them in person...

Geez, folks. Get a room. ;)

A BIG room. With lots of space to do the wild monkey sex thing. And indoor monkey bars to hang your sex swing from.

This is actually true. They're even better in person. ;-)

If you think my profile is awesome, you should get a load of my tits.

Yours was the first profile on here that impressed us, enough that I made the notes (and they're still on your profile)

Best.
Profile.
Ever.

We even wrote you an email saying so, though it's now lost to posterity. It's still true today.

Yeah, wanting to bump vaginas and not spoil my chances did give me pause, but I decided to trust you to take my advice in the spirit it was offered.

The thing is, your photos and the captions are so great and so fucking funny that you don't actually need to make more than one or two humorous statements in the text to underscore that you're hilarious as well as hot.

And... I really liked "Middle aged and anal crazed," but I guess you're also right that I'm not exactly middle aged.

I thought of another one I want to use: "My ass is as big as a moon - come plant your flag." But can't quite work it in.

Yeah, Miss Molly. I was really only fishing for complements. I just couldn't get fucked this weekend. I think Orlando was thw wrong place to do it because everybody claimed they could get away from their kids - and never did.

But I did take some of your advice and scratched out some things. Unlike my mons, It needed a trimming.

That and I want to stay on your good side becuase I want to bump vaginas with you. So... you know. My own self interest plays a part.

I haven't been ducking this one because I didn't want to read your profile. It's just that it's more complicated when you've met someone, at least for me, because I can't be objective. That and not having many uninterrupted minutes, which makes my ADD bad, and I haven't felt focused enough for anyone's profile review and definitely not for yours. Imma try though.

Your photographs are consistently great. You both always look hot and the captions are a riot. I think the combination does a pretty decent job of sorting people into those who get your humor and those who don't. I'm less enamored of your profile text, which doesn't reach the heights of your photos and I think it could.

Here's where I jump into the deep end...

I have met you and my impression is that you're both really sweet to go along with the smart and I don't think that comes through and I wonder if its lack has an impact on the kind of people you attract. I mean, hit it and quit it when you're traveling for a race is great and "fuckable" is a good enough metric for that (not judging - sometimes "not unfuckable" is all I need), but if you want more choices, I'd delete some of your certs, not repeat in your tagline things that are elsewhere and have a consistent tone throughout.

Right now, you've got a Henny Youngman joke about getting it wholesale, which actually undercuts the previous line which is definitely funny enough to stand on its own. It fights with the honesty and vulnerability of the section that starts with "Ultimately." The repetition on anal, while it's eye catching, fights with the tone of the question after your interests. There's more, but do you see what I mean? It's like wearing flip flops with a designer dress. You can, but it doesn't really go together.

What if you played it straight (yeah, I know) in Looking For, or straight-ish, because I'd definitely keep the line about getting a husband in the deal, and just described yourself as dirty? I'm guessing the single men thing is there because you open your profile so guys here can see the photo examples. I'd put it at the end of Looking For though.

In Description, the only thing I'd take out, because the tone is great and I think authentic, is the part about being middle aged and possibly the bit about being anal crazed, even thought the alliteration is a nice touch. You've barely passed 40 and while it's technically true, mentioning it before you're 50 is probably not necessary, so it feels a bit off.

I might actually drop the anal crazed thing to Fantasies, which is informative but doesn't really answer the needs of the section. If you actually want to take it up the ass with many/most swing partners, this is the place to mention it. Or, really, any fantasy or a word about your experience, even if it's just that you've been doing this for x years. Or you can just hint at it by saying, as you do, that you're very dirty.

Additional comments is great and ends both enthusiastically and charmingly.

I think that's all I have at the moment.

I didn’t come in first... I didn’t come in last.

We never went to Secrets when we lived in Orlando (it was about 25 miles from where we lived - a minimum of 45 minutes drive time) but from what we heard the experience is quite variable depending on the room. Extensive renovations of common areas and amenities have supposedly been completed and now individual rooms are being renovated either by management or private owners as it has been converted to a condo/hotel. Hopefully they have corrected the problem with fraudulent credit card charges - we were advised to use cash.

If you didn't get to play, did you at least do well in the race?

We lived in Tampa and never saw it in person, but the general consensus is that Secrets is pretty meh. Don’t think you missed much.

You definitely look HOT in your bikini - should get you a LOT of attention!

We were invited to a place called Secrets, but I had to race in the morning so I didn’t want to be up till 3 AM.

So I guess I’m basically whining that I didn’t get fucked on my terms. My husband got plenty of action, though.

looking for a review

Na. Just had no luck this weekend and I look fucking hot in my bikini so I’m getting attention one way or another dammit!

Seriously Velma - you're looking for a review???

I love your profile - it is a great use of humor to attract attention and relay information. Other than some info about yourselves and your race schedule in Looking For that might better fit in Description I don't see anything that is a problem.

And I love the phrases you use to obscure your faces in your public gallery.

Sorry to hear that Orlando isn't working out for you this weekend.

~Phoebert's Wife

I husband and I have been spending the past couple of days in Orlando. I updated my profile a bit and took a lot of new pics.

I practice what I preach.

I actually took along multiple bikinis and did multiple photo shoots throughout the week So I can rotate out my bikini pictures every couple weeks until I run out.

The only bad thing is that I can’t seem to get laid in Orlando. Too many Couples think they can get away from the kids buy can’t.