Max, you have done a good job with the revisions. Definitely get some more pictures up. Your default is a good one and you can definitely add in a shirtless pic. Just make sure it is something rather than a selfie. Non-selfie pics, unless you're doing something fun don't work as well as those you just set the timer on your camera and posed for.
I've always loved Elmore Leonard's 11 Rules For Writing Fiction. Number 10 applies: "Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip."
All profiles should be a work in progress - fantasies and circumstances change over time. ;-)
For now I'd copy it all to a word processor and tweak it off-line without updating. Right now you have a lot of words but not a lot of content - think about what is just taking up space or might be left unsaid. Try several different things and sleep on it for a week or more before deciding what you might prefer. You'd be surprised when a great phrase will pop into your mind.
And thanks Mayhem - now I can't get that visual about the photo out of my mind!
The thumbnail is very small and makes it look like there's some giant pink thing coming out from the top of your pants. Once I clicked on it and made the picture bigger, it was clear that it was a tie.
Phoebert’s Wife,
Glad you made it to the party and thank you for your comments. I will accept my profile being reasonable. There is always room for improvement. I am just hoping to get a basic structure down now and work from it. Then add additional details and some humor. I think it is a little too regimented for my taste now but the je ne sais quoi can be added later imho. I ditched the second picture and yes I have a photo of me smiling in a private gallery.
mayhem8,
Thank you for the additional comments. I fixed the few run ons that I saw and hope things flow a little better. I ditched one pic but kept the one with the tie. I looked, but can’t see what you mean that caused you to double take.
Max - I agree with P&W that it is so close to being the same picture, it's not worth having them both. Even the background was the same. FWIW - Had to do a double take at the one with the tie, because as a thumbnail, it kind of looked like you had a big fake penis coming up out of your pants ;-)
Kind of surprised Google Docs doesn't pick up on punction, like this run on sentance - "I am currently getting back into fitness and looking to meet other active people but that is not a requirement just something I like to do." Seems as though it would be better as at least 2 sentances, like "I am currently getting back into fitness and looking to meet other active people. That is not a requirement, just something I like to do. "
There's a couple other places it could read a little better. Probably won't make any difference in the grand scheme of things, but never hurts to have it read better.
Hey there! I'm late to this party so didn't see what you started with but the current iteration is reasonable. It's not going to knock anyone's socks off but it shouldn't scare anyone that enjoys single gentlemen. As you make adjustments in the future watch that you stay confident and don't slide to apologetic - I can see a bit of what prompted HollyBlue's comments. Remember that your profile's job is to entice people!
The two current pictures might as well be one - looks like you only changed your shirt between photos. I can't comment about the previous shirtless photo other than to say - use good judgement! A casual beach or pool picture looks natural while preening in the bathroom mirror is often unappealing. I'm assuming that there is at least one photo showing your smiling face in a private or personal gallery.
Good luck, have fun and stay safe!
~Phoebert's Wife
HollyBlue,
Thank you for your comments. I have addressed all of them in my new profile. I believe I am more direct with what I am seeking and plan to add more details in the future. Right now my goal to create a good baseline profile and build upon it. Like mayhem8 said I didn’t think I was coming off apologetic but I hope this revision clears any of the doubt you had. I added a couple more pictures and removed the shirtless picture from the default (should I have kept it there?).
mayhem8,
Thank you for your comments as well. Bi play is not something that I am seeking, it’s just something that doesn’t bother me if playing with a couple and we all click. I don’t want to scare away any potential couples that that would be an issue with. I hope I made that clear in this profile. If not please let me know.
I appreciate both of your reviews and the time you spent to help me improve my profile.
I thought it was decent. Most of Holly's points sounded valid, but it didn't come across as "too apologetic" to me.
One way to be more specific without going into gory details is specify things like MFM, or MF, but I did sort of get that from what you wrote and that you are open to some Bi play.
That you may want to be a bit more specifc about, such as orally Bi only, top, bottom, etc.. Doing so however can scare others away. So if it's not a big thing for you, which it sounds like it's not, it's OK to downplay that to appeal to the broadest possible audience.
Max, with looking for- just state what you are looking for. Also try and re-word how you talk about being bi and respecting boundaries. You need to sound a bit more confident. Especially say what exactly you are looking for in single ladies. Welp I guess it won't really happen but.... The big thing with this section is to be pretty direct about what exactly you are looking for with couples and ladies.
Fantasies- share them. This is critical for connecting with the right people. Don't be scared to talk about kinks at all.
Saying that people can ask you more or ask if they want to know is off putting. Your profile is there for getting the information out there.
There is no need in saying you are a professional and therefore need to be discreet. Most everyone here is both of those things.
Again, the big thing with your profile is that it feels like you are apologizing for yourself or you are embarrassed a bit maybe. Be confident.
You need a picture of yourself in a nice shirt and maybe a few fun ones.
Single male here and new to the LS. I would appreciate a profile review but have no expectations. Please be candid and as diligent as you prefer. It see it as a work in progress. Thank you in advance.
