Profile review

Hi. This can be an uncomfortable process and feel really intrusive. It's all kindly meant, I promise, even when it feels anything but kind.

I am going to say highly critical things about your profile, but the things I'm saying are not about you. They're about the thin slice you're presenting to the SLS audience looking for people to fuck. And the reasons I'm leading with all these qualifiers is that I think your profile is terrible and I don't want you to ignore the advice because it feels like I think you are terrible.

In fact, I was completely unsurprised to discover a line about being successful at meet and greets. I suspect the slow, easy atmosphere of m&gs is right in your wheelhouse and gives you a chance to shine. That's totally great.

You can make a similarly good impression in your profile, but you will need to throw out what you have and start over.

Right now, what you have is negative in the extreme, prescriptive, lacking in any sort of charm or warmth, and completely mistaken about the purpose of a profile. And not only is that combination going to ensure an infinitesimally small pool of people who would be interested, I don't think it accurately reflects you, so it's also pointless.

So, a rewrite is in order. Oh, and new photos, because yours are not inviting. No selfies, no boobs and butts, just photos of the two of you, dressed well, full length, maybe doing something fun.

So, your tagline should be pithy and not repeat any of your profile text. Looking For is about who you are looking for and should contain nothing about what you aren't looking for. And if you're flexible about age, then your toggles should be set wider. Most people are trimmed/shaved and I've never had anyone new show up for a playdate less than shower fresh and I suspect that's common, so the dual insistence comes off as controlling. It's not the only instance, either. Also, Caucasian needs to be capitalized.

Description needs both more and less. Some of the things it doesn't need are references to body type (that's what stats and photos are for) and your out of nowhere dig about drinking. I mean, yeah, I prefer light/non drinking myself, but no bueno, to borrow your phrase.

Play style and preferences also don't really belong here. The former, spun very differently than currently, belongs in Looking For. The latter belongs mostly in Additional comments.

Instead, say something about yourselves as people. What are you like? What are your interests? What would I find intriguing about you? This is probably the eleventy hundreth time I've said this, but most of us can pretty much always find people to fuck, so what would make me choose you? How are you special, fun, wonderful?

Does that give you an idea of what is needed here? No sarcastic, outputting comments displaying a sour worldview. No cliches like clean and drama free. No prescriptive, completely ineffective exhortations to answer emails. No all caps directives that ignore the very good reasons you won't get what you're demanding.

Just be real, honest, and think as much about what you have to offer as what you want to get.

Good luck.

I appreciate your opinion and attempt to help but you're crossing a line suggesting weight loss advise considering we know nothing about each other.

Ok, so clean slate...

The first thing I'm going to say is that in the interest of full disclosure, I'm somewhere between a size 12 and size 10 with big tits and a big ass. There are plenty of men who look at me and call be "fat." The funny thing is that whenever I do a race, I beat plenty of skinny bitches who call themselves "fit."

I say that because the first thing I'm going to say is that if you list yourself as a "BBW" only other BBW's will want to play with you. If that's what you want, don't change anything. But if you want to attract a wider range of people, we need new pictures and a new attitude. I strongly suggest that the female half consider downloading the Couch to 5K app and start training for a 5K run. The Golden Knight's Valentine 5K is on February 9th at South Beauregard High School. If she starts training now, she will lose weight, feel amazing and be ready by the time of the race.

This is a chance to turn your life around. You don't have to be a BBW if you won't want to be, and I believe in you.

But... we need to get some pictures taken in the interim. Let's throw out everything you have. I want you to start fresh.

Couple of things - never take a selfie from below the chin - it nobody looks good like that. Look up at the camera, now down at it.

Look at my profile. There is a picture of me posing in a bikini. That particular pose is called "contrapposto." Google it. It's why Greek statues look amazing. Try posing like that. Also google Susan Lucci. When she poses, she puts one leg in front of the other, puts her hands on her hips, and turns 45 degrees to the camera. This basically takes off about 20 visual pounds. I do it all the time.

Let's concentrate on getting six good pictures of the two of you. We'll do male face and body, female face and body, a picture of you together and a nice picture of you doing something interesting. The two of you should get dressed up like you are going to church. Go to a nicer bar, maybe El Habanero Bar & Grill in Beaumont? Take pictures. You will feel self-conscious, but get over it. Pose together and separately contrapposto with the bar in the background. As a waitress to take a few pictures of you together. Then maybe get a picture of you two out dancing or just doing something fun.

Once you get those pictures, post them and we can review again.

I'm in a good mood because I got fucked really hard last night. But the guy didn't fuck the taste out of me.

I'm going to say a few things that may sound mean. I'm not saying them to be a bitch, I just want you to be successful. If I'm saying it, other people are probably thinking it.

If I'm going to somebody's house, it better be spotless. Some of your pictures (#3,#7,#8) show a messy house. I would reject you based on that. Then the rest of the pictures just kind of seem low-effort. Whether you like it or now, swinging is branding. Think about your brand. Our brand is that we are a hot, fun, fit, active couple who is always doing races or interesting things.

Text wise,:

Only playing with same race at this time (caucasian).

Ok, I'm done. Even if you aren't racist, you don't know how racist this sounds. So I'm rejecting you. Take this out. You can reject people because they are "not a match." You don't need to explain why you rejected then. You might not like to play with other races, but I wouldn't advertise this.

Prefer to play "shower fresh" for all involved.

You are not the first person I've see with this on your profile. It's a very strange term. Most people shower before an encounter, take it out, it implies that you've had an experience where somebody smelled and you should never say anything negative in your profile.

She's a bbw who is getting comfy in her skin so be okay with that,

I hate the word "BBW." It reduces everything about a woman to the fat on her body. Take it out. Let your pictures do the talking.

If anyone actually reads this far...

Take it out. it sounds sarcastic, like your know people aren't reading your profile.

-Anyone else annoyed that most "couples" profile's only have pics of her? If you expect my wife to play with your guy wouldn't a pic be in order?

This is really negative. If a couple doesn't have male pics on their profile, reject them and tell them that's why.

If we're not your type please have the courtesy to reply to a message or let us know you're not interested. (Apparently courtesy is a true fantasy on SLS)

People aren't writing you back because they look at your profile, they see crummy pictures, and a racist, drama-filled couple. Take this out. In my next post, I'm going to explain how you can make at least the pictures better.

Would like some feedback and opinions about our profile. It's been slow over the years however we live in a rural part of Texas.