Dude, we embrace all our attributes, including pastiness. ;-)
Okay, here goes, along with explanations about why I'm recommending a change.
Age range - If you move that to 30 to 70, it's symmetrical while also signaling you're looking for maturity. You won't lose anything, because anyone under 30 won't hesitate to contact you regardless of the range, but you gain in a subtle signal to women that you like them for things other than the 22 year old bodies they used to have.
Tagline - Witty tagline to make couples interested in me goes here. It's stronger without the "be" and "me" is a better focus than "you."
Looking For - I think this could be a stronger section. It sounds a little defeatist, as if you've picked up on one of the prevailing winds about single men and taken it for the climate. Rather than give you specific suggestions, I hope you consider rewriting this in such a way that you just say what you're looking for, without undercutting it. In person, I'd give you full marks for self-deprecation, because with the right facial expression it's endearing. In writing, not so much.
Description - Farmers isn't capitalized. Lose the "lol" everywhere it appears. I might give a 22 year old a pass (no, not really), but this is semi-formal writing and lols and emojis don't have a role to play. Second emails? Yep. And you're average, not what you would consider average. It's stronger and a more...masculine? signal to write it that way. Ditto you have a good sense of humor, not you feel you do.
When I read that you were the antithesis of a sharp dressed man, I loved the economy of the image and also had a moment of sadness. You aren't going to show up in sweats and a tee shirt, are you? Maybe a line like "but I know how to button a shirt" to subtly indicate that while you won't show up in a suit, you can pick appropriate clothing?
Fantasies - Unless you know how to wield a flogger, I'd just leave out that sentence about not being a fan of pain. It's unlikely someone will want to spank you and "ouch" works in all other instances. That sentence about meeting a couple of ladies is really awkward, plus it gives rise to questions about why you don't have certs as well as giving too much information about the number of women you've met. Actually, those questions are going to come up anyway, because of that couple. The lack of certs will probably be less of an open question if you end the second paragraph with "...limited interaction with couples" and eliminate the third paragraph altogether.
You need the word "look" after "next door"
In Additional comments, it's "piqued your curiosity enough." And I know I talked about avoiding self-deprecation, but it really works here in a way it didn't further up in your profile. Here it won't turn anyone off and it's just skewed enough to charm those who are reading. The lol still has to go though. ;-)
