Looks good to me. I think you've handled the m/m play and the married playing solo issues rather well. A bit more vanilla interests wouldn't hurt but probably isn't essential.
Let us know if you want more advice once you've dealt with your photos.
~PW
Velma, you really didn’t read my last message.
You really didn’t listen to me about your pictures but… Best of luck.
I updated my profile based on everyone’s inputs and some rethinking on my part. Please give me your read now. Pics are yet to be updated due to travel and other stuff going on but hope to start working them soon.
I say I'm straight because my heart doesn't go pitter-patter when I think about girls. It's more like girls are a fun distraction and I don't have to worry about my safety when I go home with one. I don't look at a girl and go "oh, wow, she's hot." It's more like I get off on being a sex goddess and giving a girl the time of her life.
I think in your case, you can change your profile to something like:
"I'm not bi, but I can sword fight like a samurai if I have to."
That could work.
Honestly, if you are into dudes - which is totally cool to me, BTW, you could flip your single male profile to bi / bicurious and keep your couples profile at straight. If you are looking to play with dudes when you travel you'll have no problem at all finding them.
If you are seriously interested in this, you might want to talk about what you are looking for. Are you a top? Are you a bottom? Are you orally bi? There are some guys who like sucking dick or swordplay, but they don't kiss other guys. So think about that route.
Velma is actually straight and says so in her profile, while listing as bi. You might want to see how skillfully they handle that and see if you can do something similar in the inverse.
Your suggestions regarding how to handle m-m stuff
I don't know. Don't talk with your mouth full?
Whew, Velma. I thought I inadvertently made a boneheaded remark. I just missed the humor...marginally better.
Your suggestions regarding how to handle m-m stuff on my profile?
It's a joke. Like "You're not going to be bi with that attitude."
I'm straight, but you would think I was Samira Wiley at the rate I turn straight girls queer.
Velma, I don't understand your comment. Please elaborate.
bi’ is not going to rub off on a guy
Not with that attitude it won’t!
So, regarding male-male contact…
I’m not even a little homo-romantic. Men, attractive or otherwise, do not turn me on. Not even a little. Snuggling or kissing a man – I don’t go there. However, with consent, I am willing to engage with genitals of both men and women for pleasure.
In our 8+ years of swinging, experience has shown than at least 75% of the male half of couples and more than 95% of females are willing to play with same-sex persons. Usually it’s in the context of group play, but sometimes one-on-one. Invariably, those men identified as straight on SLS or in person.
<rant on>
For a few years, I listed myself as bi-curious on our couples SLS profile. I was shocked at how many unsolicited messages we got from couples and women about how it was abhorrent for me to be bi or bi-curious, but it was desired (or expected) that my wife be bi-curious. It’s an entrenched double-standard in the swinging community. For couples we reached out to, very often the response was ‘we don’t play with couples where the man is bi-anything.’ Like Tricky Dicky said, ‘let me make this perfectly clear’ (boomer weak double entendre): all sexual activity must be consensual and play is always within the negotiated comfort level of all parties. However, it’s the norm to see couples to expect bi-females, and play, while stating emphatically that they do not want to be contacted by and will not consider play if the male half of the potential couple identifies as any flavor of bisexual. For this reason, I switched my sexual identity of our couples (and now single) profile to straight.
I absolutely acknowledge that each of us has the right to set our own play styles and boundaries, but this behavior strikes me as hypocritical, sex-negative, and maybe more prevalent in the 50+ crowd. Sadly, that’s our/my play sweet spot.
The ‘bi’ is not going to rub off on a guy that is straight as an arrow, and if he is decidedly straight, I have absolutely no inclination to break the rules. I see it as no different from any other couple rules. For example, a man may enjoy anal sex, but if the woman is a no, it is not on the table for interaction between them.
<rant off>
Sorry for the somewhat off-topic rant, but this does directly affect how to craft my profile.
So, what’s a guy like me to do on a profile? I REALLY prefer women and couples, but have no hang-ups with (and even enjoy) m-m interactions during play.
My playmates over the years have been almost exclusively married people, many of them playing separately. As a committed sidepiece, I want that missing partner to be front and center in any discussion, demonstrating their centrality, which is why I suggested opening your description with the disclosure of your marital status. Make it an afterthought or even the last thing you mention and I will mentally raise an eyebrow. I'm probably more sensitive to granular details than some people, but it'll be a something or other for a lot of others.
Thanks for the feedback thus far from MsMolly, Velma, and Phoebert’s wife.
I’m waiting for the first round of comments to flow in before posting a profile update for review. Here are some of my comments and impressions so far.
More non-selfies, supplied and selected by my wife, are in my private library. I’ll do some sorting and get better ones. Tux picture was a candid that she liked, but your comments are good. I actually decided to toss that shirt after New Year’s because of the poor fit.
I previously specified too wide of an age range (21-99) and I did not like the desperation it depicted. I’ve found women much older than 65 _typically_ don’t match my energy level and 40 is somewhat of a low reach, but I’ll think about tweaking that.
MsMolly, I am curious about your age…97?
The tagline is grammatically correct, but will rejigger to “I will get between your ears first.”
It was my intent to be open to just dinner. I travel a lot and sometimes a flirty dinner is fun after being on the road for weeks. I’ll work some more on the structure considering your feedback.
When initially drafting the profile, I had too many personal pronouns. It sounded staccato, formal, and self-centered. I write a lot in my profession where I’m forced to lean toward the third-person and passive sentences. I allowed some of the grammar to be intentionally sloppy to sound more casual, but some grammar was just plain sloppy.
My humor apparently fails to come across in various statements. I’m curious if it’s MsMolly or if others that feel that way. “Nice” is there to tie into “nice guys finish last.” (Don’t love it.) “Neutered” is another geek attempt at humor.
I’ve read more than my share of profiles from women who have “emphatic hair preferences,” as well as those who warn “all parts better work!” I wanted to head off that question up front. I’ll ruminate on that change.
Not being a male that plays solo, you may not completely understand placement of the part about the wife. My intent was to describe the individual in the profile before throwing out the married-playing-solo part. I think it’s reasonable to put it in Additional, but I did not want to appear to be hiding it in the “fine print.” I’m flabbergasted at the range of reactions I get online and in person when I roll that out to professed sex-positive people.
The ‘recently updating profile’ thing is a leftover prior to me receiving my first single-male cert. I almost cut it before I posted this on the forum.
The m/m contact thing is something I definitely wish to discuss further. I’ll address that in another reply.
Looks like MsMolly arrived while I was dealing with dinner. She saw everything that I did (and more) and she is a much better editor so just read her post again. You pretty much have what you need but it doesn't flow well. Once you've made your changes either run the text through both spell check and grammar check or read the text out loud to catch those missing pronouns and other grammar issues. Better yet - have your wife read it to you. It is always better to have someone else help proofread your work.
And definitely get your wife to take pictures of you. Your selfies are better than most but as MsMolly noted you need to eliminate every whiff of cheating married man. I have no idea what Velma is suggesting (I live under a rock) but she knows pictures so it's worthwhile entertaining whatever idea she's giving you. Just be sure to smile and watch for clutter or visual chaos in the background.
Good luck and have fun!
~Phoebert's Wife
At first glance, the pleated bib tuxedo shirt needs to go. Get a modern shirt instead.
I wanted to think about how to position your profile. The best I can come up with is a John Slattery kind of Silver Fox thing. Google the guy and try to follow his style. I think you can pull it off.
Take some pictures in John Slattery's style. Repost and we can go from there.
Hi. You do know how this works, right? You submit your profile for review and people say things, some of them harsh, all meant to help you improve your results and get you laid. And...it can be uncomfortable. Try to roll with it if it is.
So, first, photos. They're Velma's bailiwick, because I'm usually only sensitive to facial expressions, but you are a married man with selfies. If anyone doesn't need to use a selfie, it's a married man playing with permission. That means every photo needs to be taken by someone else in order to subtly signal that permission. Also, please wear unwrinkled clothes that fit. The tux is a great concept, but your tie is crooked and your shirt is both baggy and wrinkled, so that's a no when it comes to execution.
Your cert is good. If it hasn't already helped, it will.
Your age range might look a little better if you upped your upper limit so that your own age was more in the center, but it's not really necessary.
I like your tagline, although there's something a little awkward about the phrasing. Maybe leave out "first" or move it to the end.
Looking For needs work. I know what you're going for, but it's currently unfocused. Also, if you're open to m/m contact, then please consider changing your orientation.
So, start this section with the line starting "Looking for..." and ending with "recess," except make it a complete sentence. Right now, you've buried the lede, not to mention your best phrase. Then go back to the first paragraph, but there you need to fix your hyphen/dash, because it's not used correctly, along with making it couples and women (not "female," for reasons of grammar) and changing your "or" to an and. Because this is not the place to look for vanilla dance partners. Dance partners with whom you also have sex? Sure. That's not all that unusual.
I'm not sure why you're allergic to personal pronouns in this section, but it really doesn't work. It's I prefer becoming friends and an ongoing, etc. or Prefer...but I don't rule out, etc.
End with your line about being open to m/m contact, but know you've created two issues. The first is listing your orientation as straight and the second is having your profile open to single men but not addressing them in any way to explain why. You might want to fix both those things.
Description - Eh. Please don't call yourself "nice." It's not only a completely milquetoast word, there's often an underlying air of entitlement that wafts from self-described nice guys. I don't care about your pubic hair grooming habits and those who do will ask, so you can safely leave out that vaguely unsavory image. Also, "neutered." Not the best image there either.
The sex stuff goes in Fantasies and the part about your wife goes at the top, because - again - this is important information.
Maybe I'm naive, but I assume everyone's parts work unless they tell me differently. I think you can safely leave that out as well.
In Fantasies, the paragraph about where you can be found goes in Additional comments.
And in Additional comments, the line about only recently updating your profile can go. You've already noted your couples profile name and nobody cares about the state of your revisions, so don't waste real estate on it.
That's all I have at the moment. I think once you prune appropriately, there are things that would improve your profile, but I need to see the pruning first.
Good luck. Come back, with or without the Jeopardy timer.
At a minimum there is conflict between stats that list you as straight and "Open to (no expectation of) male-male contact with mutual consent." in your profile.
I'll be back after supper when I have a chance to do more than skim your profile.
~Phoebert's Wife
Thanks! (Plays Jeopardy ‘think’ music)
I need to think about this. Give me a few.
Experiencing very lackluster response to my profile. Would appreciate any input from ladies and from couples.
