Please critique

You both had me at boob smooshing.

I really do have impeccable taste in women and Velma really is as sweet as candy. ;-)

Fine. Give me a few minutes and I’ll message you. I’m trying to put away a ton of thanksgiving food right now.

So you're suggesting we might not make it as far as Victoria's?

I was attempting to avoid being presumptuous as to whether or not the end game was achievable, Ms. Velma, as opposed to being skeptical about whether or not said end game was worth the effort.

Considering Miss Molly and I have smooshed boobs in real life, you should listen to her. She has impeccable taste in women.

lol

I thought about her actually for an unrelated reason. We were at the movies at they are building a "Florida car museum" in the mall. Front and center is a "Mystery Machine" replica, with a Tennessee plate of "RUT RO".

I don't think Ms. Velma is as cut-and-dry as she seems. I would, at minimum, happily treat her to the duck fat fries at Victoria's Gastropub. ;)

You didn't ask for advice, va, but I'd suggest you find a way to make that need arise. ;-)

I'll keep that information in mind should the need arise for me to refer to it ;)

I spend all day making decisions and ordering around both men and women. It’s actually quite liberating to be put in my place and not have to think for a while.

"I've been a whore for a good 20 years now"

I've always enjoyed the way Velma verbalizes things. A girl who likes being taken and driven like she's been stolen always works.

Thank you for the honesty with your thought's. I will definitely take the advise and re-think some things. Much appreciated!

Hi. I don't need to add anything to what Velma said, because she's right, but that won't stop me from talking. ;-)

There is nothing in your profile to distinguish you from a thousand of your peers. In addition, you have done nothing to attract solo women while simultaneously throwing up some red flags that will turn off couples. So, I'm unsurprised you've not met with much success.

Here are the red flags that I see:

"Perfect playmate for you." Uh, no. No, you aren't. Not only is a statement like that pretty much designed to elicit a negative response, it also is badly mistaken about what couples are looking for in that second man. It certainly isn't perfection.

"Most of all I want to be the missing link that set's (sic) you two over the edge with satisfaction." Again, no. There's no missing link, dude. Instead, there's an occasional desire for strange and if my guy is looking for a third, he's looking for someone reliable who will fuck me and leave once the job is done, because you're basically foreplay.

It's not that couples can't form friendships with single men, because they can and do, but it's organic and often based, like vanilla friendships, on a shared understanding of the world. And that's the kind of connection that develops over time or is instantaneous. But I'm guessing it generally doesn't happen with someone who thinks he's providing what's missing in your sex life.

As to the rest of your profile, either say something about single women in Looking For or change your toggles to reflect no interest. Also in that section, one sentence outlining the characteristics you're looking for in couples is enough. Three is just...it's not like you're ordering from Amazon, you know?

In Description, say something useful. What you have isn't. I want to know something about the kind of person you are, but don't actually care that you aren't getting any younger, etc. And I'll decide whether to trust you with x and y and it won't be because you're telling me I can. So, rather than raising my hackles by saying unbelievable things, intrigue me by telling me what makes you the unique and special person that you are.

Additional comments is kind of a shitshow, pun kind of on purpose. If you're rough enough for me, it might hurt a very tiny bit, depending on where I am in an endorphin wave. Are you telling me I'm doing it wrong? Or that you won't do what I need? Because that's what you're saying. It's fine to not want to do hardcore pain play, but most people here won't ask you for it anyway. There are kinky swingers, more than a lot of people would imagine, but we tend to seek out other kinky people. I've only once been asked to pee on someone and it's unlikely that you'll ever be. As for poop, eh, that's a specialty fetish and nobody's going to ask you for it. So just get rid of all of that.

The sentence about being respectful, etc., is a rehash of something already in your profile and it can go. The two about conversation and communication can sorta be repurposed in Looking For and your interests belong in Description.

Also, in case you think Velma is being mean and doesn't represent women's attitudes well, I hate your photos. Put on some clothes, don't take selfies, and please God don't display your dick, even blacked out.

I know all of this sounds harsh, but it's kindly meant, insofar as it's meant to get you laid. And that's what you want, right?

You are kind of falling into the same old trap that a lot of single guys fall into: you are too demanding and you don't have any good pictures.

Thee should be a ban on shirtless selfies for all single men, especially in the bathroom - although I think yours is in a hotel room.

With limited exceptions, shirtless pictures for men need to be on the beach or at a pool. Once in a while I'll say the gym is okay, but your body better be amazing.

Regarding Pee, poop and pain... I've been a whore for a good 20 years now and nobody has ever asked to shit in my mouth. I don't think you need that text in there because if I asked you to pee on me, let's face it, you would. If I asked you to smack me around, you probably would too. So I'm not buying the "Three P's" thing. And anyway, sometimes a girl needs to be put in her place.

The major problem with single men is that you aren't just competing with every other single man out there, you are competing with a women's husband's as well. So not only do you have to be in-shape and interesting, you have to be more interesting, or at least substantially different than my husband.

I really don't get any of that from you. I kind of see a bunch of text that doesn't mean anything, Your profile is the equivalent of toast. It's not toast with butter, or jam, or even peanut butter or Nutella. It's just plain toast and that isn't very appetizing.

My suggestion would be to fill your profile with interesting stories about YOU. What makes you interesting? Have you traveled around the world? Do you have an interesting job? Do you have pictures of you rock climbing, flying a plane or dressed up in a tuxedo because you are at an embassy function?

Tell us the story of you and what makes you so interesting and amazing. Put some pictures up of you doing interesting things (nothing with a gun or a fish, though) and re-post.

Looking for honest suggestions to add to my profile. I have very little responses in comparison to the amount I reach out to others.

Thanks for the help!