Our Profile

Hi. And because I'm going to be really blunt, I'm going to give you a disclaimer as well: This process can feel intrusive, invasive and downright mean, but it's all very kindly meant and each of us wants you to succeed. Part of the process is pulling out and showing where things are getting in your way in the hopes that you'll see the connection and make changes.

I'm going to start by talking about your weight, or at least the way you talk about it. You've mentioned that you're plus sized, SQUISHY, BBW, a few extra pounds, BBW again, and a statement that your "looks might not be what (others are) into."

Please don't. Your bodies are your bodies and by emphasizing their size over and over and over you negate your other message of body positivity pretty thoroughly.

Instead, just eliminate all of that language and most of your chest up selfies and get other people to take photos of the two of you together, fully dressed and full length and obviously in love. And you can each take a photo of the other one alone, preferably outdoors doing something interesting. Then people can look at you, appreciate how attractive you are and not be constantly worried that you're uncomfortable with your weight.

So, once you've removed all the talk about your weights, what's left? A metric shit ton of typos.

I get that not everyone is equally gifted when it comes to written language, but computers are amazing things and spelling and grammar check programs are readily available. Please use the tools available to you so that your adorableness isn't so compromised by the mess you currently have in your profile.

Because you really are adorable and it comes through.

After you correct the typos, I think the rest of that is mainly about eliminating the negative - the no single males thing, for instance, because you already have them blocked and there's no reason to mention them - and rethinking where you've mentioned your looks and then overcompensated a little by highlighting things that might offset them. There you can just remove the looks/weight stuff and dial down until it isn't about compensating. You're apparently interesting and lovely people and you can just let that shine.

I hope you make some changes and then come back for a review. I know I'd like an opportunity when I wasn't distracted by all the errors, because I'm sure I'm missing things.

Good luck.

I do a rather minimalistic disclaimer - everything said is about your profile, not you personally.

My first thought after reading your profile and looking at your pictures was - put down your damn phone. Most all your pictures are selfies and your text appears to have been composed on a phone. Your profile should be resume and advertisement rolled into one - carefully crafted, not slapped together.

Definitely check out Velma's DEBauCH system for core photos in your public gallery. There is no reason for individual selfies - take pictures of each other, you'll get much better pictures without the strange angles and distortions seen in selfies. Friends (or even strangers) will take pictures when you're out doing fun things together or dressed up for a dinner date. While you're working on better pictures I'd delete most of your current ones - no need for several essentially identical pictures so just keep the best. Remember - smile, watch for clutter or visual chaos in the background and avoid selfies. Actually I don't need to remind you to smile - you seem to have that figured out!

Your text needs to be composed on a word processor with real spell check and grammar check. Keep everything positive. You show no interest in single guys so you don't need to mention them ("no interest but profile visible" doesn't work as advertised so your profile really isn't visible to single guys). I'd delete all references to your size and preference for playing with others of similar size - you spend way too much time on the issue and that could turn others off. Let your pictures and stats indicate your size and use your text to tell us everything else about you.

You have some info in Looking For that really belongs in Description and some in Description that might be better in Fantasies or Additional Comments. Some additional vanilla interests in Description will help others see common interests - you want them to say "hey, we like that too" when they read your profile. Rearrange your text so that each sentence is in the proper section then rearrange some more to group similar thoughts within a section. Then work on varying your sentence structure a bit so your text flows in a conversational manner. Right now a lot of your text reads like a list of similar sentences - almost all starting with we, she or he.

But most importantly you need to run spell check - you have numerous typos that give your profile a sloppy look.

Good luck and have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Harnmel,

I agree with most things Velma said. Your profile text is very warm and caring, and very inviting. I think it will attrac the very people you're looking to attract - kind, genuine, fun folks who may be uncomfortable reaching out to others because of their particular body type.
You have great smiles and are very photogenic, but have too many selfie pictures. It looks like the two of you would look great in nice attire, so I would add a full lenght pic for sure.

There is another part to my post though.
I am sorry to make this off-topic, but I did want to address something in the previous post.

Velma, I love reading your posts. You are incredibly funny and smart, you seem to have an amazing personality, and you look beautiful on the pictures you graciously opened to me.
However, I saw you make one particular point several times, and I cringed every time I read it. This time, I wanted to address it.
The woman you see in my profile is an Ashkenazi Jew. Every woman I ever dated was an Ashkenazi Jew. Prior to starting in the lifestyle, every woman I slept with was an Ashkenazi Jew. Vast majority of my friends are Ashkenazi Jews with Ashkenazi Jewish wives.
This is not because of my particular preference for Ashkenazi Jewish women at the exclusion of all others, but as recent immigrants we tended to stay within our own community, and find friends and romantic partners among our own kind.

Some are skinny and some are chubby. Some are short and some are tall. Some are shaped like Snapple bottles, and most are not.
What I haven't seen is any tendency towards a particular body type, or an unusual prevalence of Snapple-like figures in that population.

You are in a better physical condition than any woman I know. We would absolutely love to hang out with you guys, and I am sure we'd become friends and more.
But I never even knew such a stereotype existed, and I hope it stops because it is absolutely untrue.

Again, sorry for the off-topic post.

I had to take a moment to make breakfast for my husband.

Ok, so I want to get back to the BBW thing.

Do you really only prefer BBW's or do you say that because you lack the confidence to go after couples who you think are "out of your league?"

I've been with couples who are much skinnier than me. Sometimes it's because of my personality. Sometimes it's because to the guy a woman like me something different. Sometimes I think it's because I take it up the ass and their wife doesn't, and honestly. I think sometimes the guy takes one for the team with me so his wife can have my husband.

What can I say? I married a guy who can make you feel like the only special girl in the room. Of course Ted Bundy also had this ability so your mileage may vary.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that if you use the term "BBW" because you lack confidence and you don't want to risk getting rejected, then your problem is more of a personality thing than a weight thing.

But if It's a weight thing... listen. I've been a size 12-14-16 pretty much all my life. Female Ashkenazi Jews tend to be short with big breasts and a big ass - basically the Snapple Lady. I fight my genetics as much as I can with diet and exercise. I'm a runner and a cyclist. I'm never going to be a size 2, and that's ok with me.

But you two... you have a choice. Think about your life ten years from now and where you want to be. That's all I'm gonna say and trust me, I've been where you are today.

You guys look like a cute couple. There’s a couple of changes that I would make to give you the best possible chance.

I opened a private gallery for you to show you the kind of pictures you should have.

First of all, you have way too many pictures of your faces. I often say that you should never take the same picture twice.

You also need at least one full body picture to show what you will look like when you show up for a date. You need to be fully dressed in this picture in nice clothes that you might wear on a date or to church.

If you don’t have a full body picture of yourself, I’m not going to be interested.

When you’re going through the review process, please understand that when we say things were not saying them to be mean or rude. If I didn’t want you to be successful I wouldn’t say anything at all.

I also want you to know that I’m currently a size 12 and only Frank Purdue likes thighs my size.

That being said, I hate the word “BBW.” When I see that word it feels like a couple has given up.

If your weights are accurate, the male half is only 10lbs heavier than my husband. The lady is only 35lbs heavier than me. Maybe you aren’t as big as you think.

We have had and made several changes to our profile over the years. We would like a critique of it to see what we could improve on.