Oh, boy, here goes nothing!

OK, I don't usually post over here, but...

Take out the picture where he has drawn on boxers> WTF is that? Buy a pair of silk boxers and take a picture of him in those.

The other thing actually is not in your profile. But this is really my pet peeve, and the reason I am posting.

Be careful what you write. The comments were not inciteful, which means to encourage violence, but insightful, which means to see intuitively. Grammar nerds like me notice those things...

Other than that, I think the lovely ladies covered everything.

I was totally not telling you that your tits are sagging. Do things head south when you nurse children? Yup. Not the same thing. Just don't photograph your boobs from below, because nothing over an A cup looks good from that photographic vantage point.

As far as the HWP thing is concerned, I think you can just leave that particular set of letters off and instead say you like people who like to exercise regularly, leave in that sentence about where your attraction comes from, and add that one (or both, if that's true) of you has a particular appreciation for curvy women. Because if that's what you like, you have to make that little bit of extra effort to welcome them in.

The only way to get the smoking/drinking toggles the way you want them is to wait until after all your text changes have been approved and then go in and only fix the toggles. Don't do anything else, or the whole stupid rigmarole starts over again.

Wow! These are very inciteful. Will take out the negativity...I think I was letting our previous experiences provide color commentary for the profile, but it is doing nothing for us.

Re: HWP, I am trying to convey the following sentiment, and excuse me if it comes off as blunt, but I am doing so in the relative privacy of this forum so perhaps I can get better advice on how to convey it on the profile:
We want people who take care of themselves, don’t have to be gym rats (actually I prefer no gym rats b/c I think it indicates a certain level of narcissism), but people who are active. While I am not attracted to someone who is morbidly obese (not b/c this is an indicator of poor health, it is just personal preference), I am very attracted to curvy women, women who would be conventionally called “fat” (I mean, I am overweight by BMI standards, but I’m in excellent health). I am not attracted to men with huge beer guts, but I don’t need a muscle head- I was hoping “mom and dad bods welcomed” could convey this. But, I will definitely take HWP and the age thing out. We definitely do not want regular smokers (and yes, I know our profile says wants drinkers, wants smokers-I have tried a couple times to change it to no smokers drinkers ok to no avail).

Also, will get to work on revamping the picture gallery, I kind of knew the red made it obvious I have nursed three kids but just needed a kindly worded nudge to take it down :-) Should I get rid of butt one or just move out of default? Also, pure laziness on my part as to why some is blurred and some is not-will fix. And I have already googled “Susan Lucci pose”!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the time and attention you took to review. It will probably be a couple weeks, but will repost when all the changes have been made.

I almost always work through email before forum posting, but this one is overriding my manners. I just went and checked and while my boots and booties that aren't Uggs all have stacked heels, I only have three pair of at least sort of conventional heels, all black, which mostly don't get worn. But when they do, they don't hurt my feet and I could, if necessary, run in them. Life is too short for a lot of things, and shoes that hurt are one of those things, at least for me. Also, regular heels do make your legs look longer, at least a little, but they also add a bit of a wobble when you walk, which makes you look a bit like prey, so I kind of wonder on what basis it was decided that was an authoritative look for women.

Data point: I also almost always advise people to not describe their bodies and let their photos and certs do it for them. I didn't do that this time because I thought there was something essential and revealing in the way it was done here. But I could go either way and that Velma suggested taking both out makes sense.

Heels make your legs look better.

The American Management Association considers high heels to be the one accessory a woman can wear that will make her more likely to be authoritative and trusted. On men it’s a navy blue suit and navy tie - red is too threatening.

I’n Presenting today and ’m wearing heels even though they hurt my feet, it helps me project authority. Men tend to respect women who can wear high heels in an office environment.

And yes, I even wear them in bed. Think of them as handlebars. You can’t do that with hiking shoes.

The reason they need to take out descriptions is that your pictures should be doing the physical descriptions. Why describe something you can show?

Velma may I respectfully remind you this is 2018 and even in the LS this seems awfully sexist: "If you don't own high heels, fix that. I don't care if they hurt. Your a woman. Childbirth hurts. The Gender Wage Gap hurts. Working all day and then coming home to cook hurts. But a pair of black 3" heels, a pair of nude 3" heels and a pair of red 3" heels. Wear the heels when you take pictures. Heels kind of pump up your butt and make you look taller"

If a woman is an avid outdoors person with no compunction whatsoever to wear heels and yet due to her hiking, soccer, workouts have drop-dead-gorgeous legs that will shine through without any heels why should she wear them? More and more younger women never don a pair of heels.

You did not explain why they should take out their descriptions of each other - since I do not understand they may not either.

Your profile is a resume, so you always want to put your best foot forward. Text wise, I think you can do a few tweaks:

However, we are not supermodels, and you probably couldn't bounce a coin off either one of our abs.

Don't say this. Take it out. Let the pictures do the talking. Don't talk about your physical traits.

She (as described by husband) is tall and curvy-- all hips and tits and ass with an absolutely beautiful movie-star face. Dark hair, porcelain-white skin and hazel eyes, she'll bewitch you with her laugh and direct ways.

Take it out.

He (as described by wife) is handsome with piercing light blue eyes, trimmed beard, and a lean, muscular physique. Although the quieter of the two, he is the risk-taker, and is creative and adventurous in and out of the bedroom.

Take it out.

Please do not initially contact us as a couple, then suddenly have one of the partners "bow out".

Take it out. Don’t be negative.

Picture wise... we've been over this a few times in the past few days. 90% of the time it's men who are hunting and its women who are give the up or down. I think nudes are a hook for men. At the same time, nudes can be a turn-off for women so keep it classy and artistic.

I've often said that every couple needs 5 pictures - male face and body, female face and body and a picture of the two of you together doing interesting things. I'm sure there's a lot of things to do in Memphis - Beale Street, Graceland. Get some pictures of you doing interesting things. Don't take more than 10 total. We keep a cap at 10 and rotate them, adding new ones every week.

'I don't like the current pictures. They are mostly what I call "Boobs and butts." Keep the black and white picture of you two together. I like that. I find it strange that you crop or blur faces in some pictures, but not others. Pick one or the other.

When it comes to good pictures, Google the "rule of thirds" to learn how to take interesting photos. Fool around with lights and shadows. You can create shadows by taking a picture in a bright room with the blinds drawn over your face, or by putting cardboard over spaces in the window, or by backlighting the scene. Sometimes it takes days for us to plan a picture.

My famous "Two more reasons to fuck me" picture cost me about $40 and two days to plan. I had to buy an adhesive bra, fake pearls and bend over in a way that made my tits kind pop out. Originally we were going to take it in my husband's office like I was a sexy secretary, but we could never find a time during the day when his employees weren't there, so we nixed that and took it by our kitchen island with altered lighting.

If you don't own high heels, fix that. I don't care if they hurt. Your a woman. Childbirth hurts. The Gender Wage Gap hurts. Working all day and then coming home to cook hurts. But a pair of black 3" heels, a pair of nude 3" heels and a pair of red 3" heels. Wear the heels when you take pictures. Heels kind of pump up your butt and make you look taller.

I'm 5'4" with stubby dinosaur legs. I would kill for Ms. Molly's legs, so I need all the help I can get. Wear heels in every picture.

You need to learn two poses: The first is the Susan Lucci pose. Google Susan Lucci. Every picture of her is the same: One foot in front of the other, knee slightly bent, arm at a 90 degree angle. This makes you look super skinny.

The second is called Contrapposto. Google it. It's a more fluid pose where all of your weight is on one foot. It creates the illusion of movement. It's going to seem strange posing with your arm behind your back, but get over it. The pictures you will take will be amazing.

Literally every picture I have is me doing Susan Lucci or Contrapposto. The Greeks knew their shit. So does Susan Lucci.

So take a few pictures, nude, semi nude and clothed in Contrapposto and repost.

Hi and welcome. I don't know what to do with compliments of that sort. Maybe you could just take offense instead? That I can easily cope with and forget completely within 10 minutes. I'm going to worry about being a guilty pleasure for at least three times that long.

I've told umpty zillion people to put their clothes on in the past three days and I'm over it. All of you can just be naked. Please take Velma's advice, whatever it is. Do carefully consider the message you're sending when you have one photo where your faces are obscured and another where her face is not, though. Also, and I say this as another woman with big tits, don't photograph them from below. Straight on or from above or it looks like sag is happening, even if it isn't.

Your profile isn't at all bad. I think it is a fair representation of you as a couple in a lot of ways. However, you've got what I consider to be unnecessary negativity undercutting your message and possibly your appeal,, but you mostly add enough humor to leaven it or you personalize it just enough that it only leaves a faintly sour taste that most people won't even notice.

If you want to change that, start by eliminating the things that are really you putting private conversations into your profile. Nobody else needs to be told specifically that you're very much in love and connected. Everyone has careers and many people in your age group have children, so I'm not sure you need to mention that scheduling is important. It, like your relationship, is probably understood by almost everyone to be critical to the two of you. Also, you can be as explicit as you like and there will still be cancellations. So, whether you can have them or not, you will. So, do you need to add that prescriptive direction? Probably not.

The age boundaries/respect conflation is a little puzzling as well as off putting. You can just say you're set on your current age ranges for playmates and then politely say thanks but no thanks to the people who don't fit those ages (because try as hard as you might, people are undeterred from doing whatever the hell they feel like doing).

The HWP thing bothers me a bit. Are you just saying no fat people? Because you're taking HWP and stretching it quite a bit to cover more than a little adipose.

The last paragraph in Looking For is pretty bad. You might want to really think about how effective it will be in eliminating what you don't want and then whether it's necessary.

In Description, I think if you just leave off the clunky as described by interjections and insert a paragraph break between her description and his and another for the last sentence, you'll be fine.

In Additional comments you've again fallen into the trap of telling people what not to do as if doing so will shield you from it. It won't, and it's part of the sour taste. And if you lose a portion of that last section and instead phrase it as "While we are open to..., we will definitely need proof of a hall pass if half a couple wants to play," you'll end on a positive note instead of a negative one.

Good luck! And once you've collected whatever responses people give - because there are lots of people who give advice when moved to do so - and made your changes, please come back and let us see what you've done.

We have been tweaking, but know there is room for improvement. I don’t know whether to ask Ms. Molly and Ms. Velma for advice or for their autograph! I consider this messaging board my sex column guilty indulgence. But seriously, please review and all constructive critiques welcomed. Thanks in advance, Alison