I May Need Some Advice

Offradar, the picture of him doesn't have to be shirtless. A decent dress shirt on him and you standing beside him in that picture will work wonders. Again, the assumption is that if the husband's pic isn't there then he is deficient in some way or it is likely a bogus profile. They most likely are going to assume that you are the stereotypical attractive lady with a ____________ husband.
Also, as suggested, just shift your location a bit and lob messages back into your area. Good luck.

The 1st sentence has flow issues. "We are a soft play married couple who is also open to full swap play as well after we meet up with you a time or two and get better acquainted." would fit and read better as "Looking for other soft play married couples that are open to full swap play after we get better acquainted."

If discretion is that important, how many around you have "cattle, fences, pasture" to deal with on a "hobby ranch"? That would seem more identifying that a torso shot of him with generic clothes (i.e. button down shirt/casual pants). The latter will also serve you better. It sounds as though you would likely not play with anyone in your immediate area anyway due to your need for discretion, so it may not matter.

My suggestion would be to pick an area far enough away that would make you feel more comfortable but close enough that you'd be willing to do a day trip to, and change your profile to that location (if you aren't already doing that).

You have no Experiences listed. You don't need to kiss and tell, but a general idea of things you've done would be helpful. The "soft swap" and "taking it slow" can make you appear like a project. Especially so if you don't list any experiences. People are busy and many don't have the time for a perceived "project couple". That alone can keep people from reaching out.

The disclaimer 'Warning" in the Additional Comments is really not needed. I try not to judge and don't mean to be harsh, but to me it makes people that post that seem gullible. Someone said it was a good idea and others blindly followed. Think about it. If you have that much need for discretion then you couldn't publicly fight anyone that did use your one picture or anything from your profile anyway, not like either is likely.

I'd suggest looking at the Additional Comments of others for some ideas, but I'd rather see it blank than ending with that toothless warning. Whatever you do put there, try to make it positive if possible as it is your closing statement and what you leave people with.

GGMM - I appreciate your advice and it is well taken. I fully understand the need for a pic of him, however there are too many people in our city who know both his face and physique. He was a competitive bodybuilder and power lifter in his younger years and still maintains that look. Along with that he has a high profile position in the community and let's face it, the LS has not quite been accepted yet as mainstream living, so a pic of him is not feasible. If it results in no bites, then so be it. We'll visit an out of town LS party if the opportunity presents itself, otherwise it was an exciting thought.

You've modified your profile, but you've left off the most important part by having just that one default photo of her. No photos of him, people aren't going to bite. Or even nibble.

I would never encourage anyone to stick with something and I'm not doing so here, but I am saying you've not actually made a solid good faith effort to change your fate. Words matter, but photos and presentation are how you attract attention and you haven't changed what wasn't working.

Not baling out just yet. Still have a few weeks on the paid membership. We'll see what happens in the interim. I've extended about as far as I can so if nothing happens I can live with it.

Not everybody is David Goggins.

No offense but throwing in the towel less than a week after asking for advice and making profile changes seems a bit rash.

People are busy - for many this is more of an occasional treat than a steady diet. Not everyone checks SLS daily or even weekly.

First, I thank everyone who took the time to respond to my post and offer their advice. It was all good, well taken, and appreciated. That said, I'm sorry to say that we are about ready to throw in the towel. I have modified the profile a dozen times and no bites, although several people drop by to look, but they are almost always at least 1000 miles away. We will try to make a LS party somewhere and see what happens. That is probably best for us anyway since we prefer to get to know the people we play with before we play. Regardless, thanks again for your time and advice. Best regards...

Fleshing out what you mean about wanting to start in soft swap can be done, but Additional comments is probably a better place. In this section, talk about who you're looking for and avoid negativity pretty much at all costs. So, yes to looking for DDF, friendly, attractive, etc. playmates. No to the passing you up approach. Also, discussions of your limits should happen when you're discussing soft and hard limits with potential partners and not, unless it's a PTSD triggering event, on your profile. If it is a trigger, then it should be on your profile and lit up in neon during in person discussions.

In Description, I'd like to know more about you and I'm specifically looking for things that don't relate to sex. Also, a red flag is that you describe yourselves as Caucasian and looking for same - and the looking for same notation can go, because Looking For is where you talk about that, although focused a little differently - and I'm coding that in an unfavorable way. There are white couples who will reject you for specifying only white couples. Are you sure you want to further limit your pool of potential playmates?

I would also leave out the part where you say you look younger than your actual ages. That's not actually a selling point, because it makes people skeptical. Instead, focus on the things you do that code younger than your actual ages. Are you marathoners? Do Ashtanga yoga? Climb mountains? Leaving it out also eliminates the problem of potentially not living up to expectations. After all, it's much better to under promise and over deliver.

Fantasies is pretty much a muddy bog. It really is a cop out to say you'll discuss them later - it's not actually difficult to briefly touch upon things that turn us on - and saying, after two years on the site, that you haven't much experience is a bit of a red flag, particularly when coupled with your desire to begin with soft swap and your need to be encouraged by games and suggestions sounds like you might be a bit of a project.

This is probably a good time to point out that I don't have an opinion on whether you might be a project. It's your profile suggesting it.

Anyway, do some brainstorming between the two of you about what kind of games or approaches you would like to initiate as icebreakers.

In Additional comments, please throw all of that out. It's unenforceable and stems from a baseless internet legend besides. Instead, I have a suggestion above about what goes here. You could also say that your ages are current (SLS does not do automatic updates).

So, those are my suggestions. I have one more, which is to collect as many opinions as you get, make some changes, and then come back for refinements.

Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart for having impeccable spelling and grammar.
Good luck!

Thank you for opening your profile. Remember what I said about comments being directed towards your profile and not you? Please keep it in mind, because some of what I have to say is going to sound really rude. It's not meant that way at all. Instead, it's about bluntly assessing the roadblocks you've put in your own way and then talking about them in language that is as clear as I can possibly make it.

I really get the desire for discretion, but not having a full body shot of him in the public gallery will lose you a high percentage of folks who might otherwise be interested. Bonus points if your new photos - which you really need, although I hope you keep the existing one, because it's a gorgeous shot - show enough to indicate smiling faces. So, back to why it's pretty much imperative that photos of both halves of a couple are available: It's kind of a cliche that many couples have hot women and schlump men and that's the assumption when there's a photo of a hot woman and no photos of him unless private galleries are unlocked. And as Velma pointed out, it's difficult to reject a couple after they've opened their photos, so most people will preemptively reject them so it doesn't get to that point.

Next up is your age range, which is 10 years younger than her to his age. There are a fair number of people who are in your preference range who will reject you for that, since if you think he's at the very top end of what is attractive, he's potentially too old for them too. You might consider a 50-70 range and then do what you would do anyway, which is determine interest on a case by case basis.

Oh, and your smoking/drinking toggles are currently set at Want Drinkers and No Smokers, but once you have made changes and gotten them approved, they'll be reset to the default of Want Drinkers/Smokers, for no reason anyone can fathom. The good news is that if you go in and change just those toggles, the changes will be immediate and you won't need to have another review by the SLS moderators.

Your tagline is not very inviting, but if you're stuck on it, only the first word is capitalized. If you want a change but lack inspiration, feel free to review profiles a thousand miles away and steal one that appeals to you.

You're half right in your approach in Looking For. It's really meant to be about those you're looking for and some of what you would like to do with them. There's rather more about you in there than the section can really handle and you've presented a bit of a paradox as well, which makes you look indecisive. The paradox is that you say you're looking for a mostly soft swap couple that you then want to move into full swap with after one or two meetings (also, fun fact, you write out numbers one through nine). But they're a mostly soft swap couple. Do you see the problem? What if instead you wrote that you were looking for couples willing to soft swap a time or two before moving on to full swap? You would get what you're asking for, but you wouldn't be describing a couple that is hard to find.

Yes, you see one of the things you have to understand is that 99% of the time if there are no pics of the guy... there is a reason why. So odds are that people are just never contacting you.

One of the hardest things to do is to say “no” to a couple after they open their pictures. So odds are people aren’t even getting to the point where they would ask to see your private pictures.

I understand discretion but 99% of the time if you blur your face, you’ll be fine.

You also want to talk about or show you doing hobbies. It’s a way for people to connect with you without just being able to talk about sex.

There is a reason all my pictures are of me running or cycling or traveling. If you do that stuff, other people feel an instant connection and it increases the odds you will reach out.

I really appreciate the good advice. I have opened my profile up to single ladies so that they may offer their advice as well. Fact is that we are pretty much newbies and due to our occupations we have to be very careful about any pictures open to the perusing public. We do have a picture of me (male half) and more pictures of her, revealing more including her face in the private gallery. That give us the opportunity to filter who actually sees us. If they're not in the local area and we seem to click I will open them up. Keep the comments and suggestions coming.

Hi. I'd be happy to help, but you would need to briefly open your profile to single women. (We won't deluge you with messages, I promise!)

Regardless, best of luck and anything said here is about your profile and not you.

The first thing that comes to mind is that you only have one picture - and it’s kind of a throwaway picture of the female half.

If there is no picture of the guy, I’m not going to be interested.

I invented something called the DEBauCH method. Basically you need 5 core full-body pictures of you dressed like you are going on a DATE, at an EVENT, at the BEACH or a pool, a pic of the CHICK and a pic of HIM.

Never under any circumstances take a picture with a gun or a fish. Backgrounds count. Make sure your bedroom isn’t messy.

Remember this is really a resume for swinging. You want your profile to bd perfect.

Actually put your fantasies and desires in the profile. “Ask us” is a cop-out.

Take our the “warning.” It doesn’t actually mean anything and pegs you as newbies.

Take some new pictures and repost so we can review.

We have very little experience and would like to generate some interest though our profile. It's been suggested, more than once, for me to post in this forum and solicit some advice/comments from the more experienced people. I admit that my profile is a bit more picky than most, but I'm just trying to be honest up front and avoid those awkward moments We don't have much experience and just want to avoid appearing stupid. So take a look and share your comments.