Oof. Yes, your profile could use some work. Open Better Profiles and before you open a thread, the way you have here, look in the upper third of the right hand side. See where it says "New Topic?" Click that and start your own thread saying you need a profile review. That way, you'll have your own and won't be trampling someone else's space.
LG, you should start your own thread.
Hi, i’m new to this lifestyle and i want a good profile to explore my best fantasies
Do you know the word "fulsome?" ;-)
We all do this for our own reasons, but it appears the desire to have people fulfill their own desires is a commonality. I'm really glad all the input you got made a difference for your profile and hope it continues to make a difference in your opportunities.
GGMM I sure like to bump (Goosebump)
Thank you for all your help, I seldom reach out for any kind of help but I'm sure glad I did, I needed it bad.
I heard today that some people find what they love and when they are great at it they reach out to others with their skills to make the world a better place. (Jordan Peterson)
Guess who came to mind?
I'm glad you were there and I'll pay it forward in some other way.
Thanks
"I am getting so anxious here..."
Didn't you make a comment at some point that this was a little like therapy? It kinda is, in the sense that you say things and someone else reflects back what you've said and then adds to it. It's also kinda like therapy in that you can listen to the reflection, think about it a bit, and reject it as something that doesn't fit.
The best results from this process take place when a lot of opinions are collected and then the folks incorporate some of the suggestions. Not all, because that's us, not them.
So long as you remember that long stories are best told in person, where you can constantly monitor how hooked in your audience is, you'll be fine. You're charming, funny and attractive and there are people who will want to get to know you better, so long as your profile doesn't turn them off, which it won't.
Good luck!
A few more corrections to be made and then I will let it ride.
I am getting so anxious here that my edits are getting ahead of the approval process.
I read the example paragraph you wrote GGMM and I have to say, you are so so smooth. I would have used that but I have already changed it and I'm waiting for it to be approved.
It's time to slow down and let thngs catch up.
Hi again. I'm going to cut you a ton of slack, because you're a storyteller and it takes a long time to tell a good story. And I'm a firm believer in letting interstitial things round out the story, so I'd let the pain thing pass. It's because it says something useful about you that you couldn't get to as usefully in other ways.
However, you work out at least three times a week. In workout gear. Two words for the activity, please. ;-)
In Fantasies, your punctuation goes to hell. I get that it's a juicy section, but punctuation is your friend. So is brevity.
Here's an example: A while back I met a wonderful couple who were into giving massage. I really enjoyed it as a form of foreplay, with oils, candles, music and other stimulants. Receiving was awesome, even though I seldom enjoy giving up control. I now love giving massage and have some fantasies with massage as a theme.
Same story, without the word deluge and just enough to indicate a topic of discussion at your first meeting.
Next paragraph, it's "vanilla?" So, no capital letter and the punctuation goes inside the quotation marks or it's just vanilla? No quotation marks at all. And 3-ways- can go, since you already have MFM there.
In Additional comments, you've changed your location to Lubbock, so no need to mention that you are moving there. The punctuation for "This is some...things is a colon, followed by two spaces and then the next sentence moves up and Weekend travel is part of that section.
Also, no need to thank me. You and I both know where you got the sentence and nobody else needs to. ;-)
Good luck.
Okay, I'm getting there, thank you once again PhobertAndWife, you are a great coach!
I appreciate the compliment HappyActiveFun, the profiles I enjoy reading the most are the ones with personality, I didn't say "looking at" because some of the pics on here are great and I wouldn't dare try to compete with that. Since there is no thumbs up or thumbs down to click on these profiles, leaving your comment was an awesome thing to do, thanks. Lots of lookers but no input, feels like a bad date or something (lol)
Better - but you're right, you're still over-sharing and wordy.
Looking For and Description are look pretty good (although I'd delete the last line about if others like pain - just deal with that in person). Maybe try to combine things into a few paragraphs rather than so many one line paragraphs.
Fantasies and Additional Comments are still a mess. You have fantasies in both sections, the massage story is oddly worded and the relocation information in outdated. You might want to just delete the massage story and instead state that massage as foreplay is something you enjoy thanks to a previous encounter. Delete the word Clubs at the beginning of that sentence - make the club information one sentence and combine the info about house & hotel parties with a bit of the reasons in the last sentence.
You've made good progress rather quickly so I imagine with a bit more time you'll be able to fine tune your profile.
I looked at your profile, and if I/we were looking for a single guy, you would be in. You have a lot on there, but I dig that; of course, I tend to overshare, myself, as well. Still, I feel that a profile should adequately convey a sense of who we really are, and I get the impression that yours does that very well.
Sorry that I'm not offering tips and tricks, or specific points, but to me it appears warm and personal, which is how it should be.
I made lots of changes, deleted most, rewrote parts and cleaned up the parts I kept. So it looks like there is still some meat to feast on.
Thank you PhoebertAndWife for all of your time and good advice.
I think I am still oversharing and it appears too long when compared to others I've read. It's difficult for me to condense my message, get to the point and be more precise without having to tell a story. When having a conversation I have a tendency to over emphasis to get the feedback I need to confirm that my message is being understood. It must come from years of giving instructions to people where english is their second language.
(This personal bio writing thing is starting to resemble therapy.)
Hopefully it's getting closer to being short and sweet and to the point. If you have anything you'd like to add to help me with this revised version, it will be much appreciated as writing is my second language.
Goodgollymsmolly98226 thanks for your help and please chime in as I can use all the bells and whistles that will make this profile shine.
One more thing - I highly recommend composing in a word processor. I'm starting to sound like a broken record on this point but for a major rewrite it really makes sense.
You don't have to worry about waiting for SLS approval every time you save and you should have a better spell check and grammar check available. It's easier to change things then come back a bit later and make some more changes - all on your schedule. I once lost some great text because I wasn't paying attention and didn't notice that my corrected text hadn't been approved when I made an additional correction. It is hard to proofread your own work and a grammar check will catch those random capitalizations, extra spaces and incorrect punctuations.
When you copy the text to SLS you may have to play with spacing to get the desired extra lines between paragraphs - but those are easy changes to make after an approval and the profile still reads well as you fiddle with the spacing.
Thank you PhobertAndWife and GoodgollyMsMolly98226 for taking the time to read my profile and to help me with it.
Some days the creative juices are flowing and others, not so much.
Thanks for pointing out those punctuational and grammatical errors. I also didn't realize how bad my disconnected thoughts were and made it no fun to read. That's definitely not good and needs to be changed. (oversharing as well)
Since I thought this one was pretty good, I'm glad I didn't submit the others for help. They were so bad I would have had to pay ya'll a fee up front to help me with them.
I really appreciate your help.
That wasn't so bad, anybody else? I can take it, C'mon.
Hi. I'm going to, as you request, let it rip, but before I do, here's the usual disclaimer: Nothing said here is meant to be mean. It's just extremely blunt so as to not be misunderstood and the purpose is to refine your profile so that you increase your chances of finding what you want.
First, I like your photos. Velma might not and if she shows up and says so, listen to her instead of me. But she has other things on her mind right now, so maybe you should find one of her posts and adapt her advice to you.
As far as your profile text, it was going well (you needed some complete sentences, some different emphases, a punctuation tune up, some blank lines, not much else) and then it went completely off the rails. It's so far off the rails that I'm going to have to sneak up on where it went wrong, actually. So bear with me as I move in an orderly fashion.
First, your tagline. You get one question mark rather than three, get rid of that hyphen and remove the parentheses and what's in them. Same thing, cleaned up.
Looking For just needs that first sentence to be a complete one - I'm looking for a woman... - and the "who" needs to go in favor of "and." The second one can stay a fragment, just get rid of the first comma.
In Description, my standard advice is to never write about what is already in your stats, but you're the exception. Do get rid of your height (it's enough to say you're tall here). Get rid of the pound sign, though.
Start a new paragraph - complete with a blank line - at "I have an easy going..." Another blank line before and after "I am clean cut" - although there, you have a beard so I'm not so sure clean cut is an accurate description - and get rid of the capital S in Sexy. Also, it wouldn't hurt to remove the extra pronouns in that last sentence and do this instead: I have an open mind, am a gentleman, and like to have fun.
Fantasies is where we enter the Twilight Zone of profiles. Bring up the section on massage that is currently misplaced in Additional comments, suitably corrected because there's something funky about the syntax, use what you have about clubs and experiences, same caveats about checking syntax and then get rid of your non sexual fantasy section. It's too long, lacks the hand gestures and facial expressions necessary to make a long story entertaining and is also not well told. And your introduction to it is just completely rude and off-putting. That's true even if I think everyone dancing at the gym would be fun. Because I already have been known to dance, even though I don't often take rest breaks (because that's not how my workouts are set up) and it would be fine to have some company when I do.
Also, maybe it's just me, but spit roasting is the MFM configuration that seems to be least about the woman. Not that it isn't fun, just...including it and then saying it's all about putting the focus on her gave me pause. You don't actually want people reading your profile and thinking something you've written is incorrect. So maybe leave that out.
Also, you've lost an opportunity to give people another reason to identify with you when you withhold even the mildest fantasy here. You might want to reconsider it.
Additional comments, after you've excised the things that don't belong, just needs a clean up. And those blank lines in between paragraphs.
Good luck.
Standard disclaimer - we may say mean things but it is because we don't like your profile. We probably like you - your pictures make you look like a fun guy.
I think you're in a sharing too much phase. A well-written long profile is often a joy to read - but yours isn't well written and reading it is painful and somewhat of a turn-off. Many people will not wade through a long profile to determine it there is potential. Information is scattered in the wrong sections. You have an inconsistent writing style - sometimes practically a bullet point list and sometimes a wordy explanation with asides. There is no need for duplicating your stats in Description - things just get out of synch too easily.
Analyze every sentence and decide if it is really necessary and what section it belongs in. Then tighten up the information you keep. Try to rewrite the bullet point information into a conversational style of writing. Reading your profile out loud may sound silly but it is a good way to notice repetition and awkward phrasing.
I actually like the three pictures I can see - they show a happy guy who likes to have fun.
Good luck!
~Phoebert's Wife
Okay, it's "hammer time", go ahead and let me have it.
My profile has gone through many changes over the short time I've been here. In the past I realized I either shared too much or not enough. I'm always trying to improve it and I think i am happy with it as it is; but I know it can be better than this.
I would really appreciate any suggestions you may have, both positive and negative. So go ahead and have some fun, "Let it Rip!"
