Dreaded profile review

"Im calling it good enuff."

I need some space to see if our intellectual property is protected under copyright law.

I would like to thank everyone for their input. I have followed 99.5% of all advice given, Ive gotten some approval thru private messages. At this point Im calling it good enuff. Not arguing with anyone. Thank you all again and best of luck to everyone.

SurferJ- Trust me. If you disagree with goodgolly, you are the problem. Not her.
No amount of arguing or explaining will fix it.
She really does know what she is talking about.
You asked for advice, she gave it. Take it or move on.

SurferJ - "... you (she) didnt offer much about what I did say. "

She didn't have to, because you had already set a precident early on. You asked for advice, you were given some and reasons why it's likely to be helpful, and then you argued against what was offered. In one case you want to push useless info at people, and in another you think it is better to let people pull basic info from you rather than push it to them.

Your profile is your swinging resume. Imagine that you are hiring someone. You get a resume with no referrals and under "experience", it says, "Just ask". With a pile of resumes on your desk, would you waste time on that person?

"...you didnt offer much about what I did say."

No, I've been avoiding that because I don't like the man it portrays and I don't think there's much you can do to fix that. Like, it's probably a good reflection of you and I'm just not your audience.

You could clean up your many typos, balance out your sections - it's really not a good look to give short shrift to every other section and write an essay about yourself - and be a more authentic-seeming version of yourself by shortening Description by half. That would help your cause I think, but you'll still be the guy who argues for having an old photo of himself.

You're an attractive guy and it'll work for some people without changes. It'll likely work for more if you clean up your typos, balance out your sections, and prune the Description section. So, I'd suggest that and wish you the best of luck.

GGMsMolly. I expected no less. I have thick skin, I can take it, Ive almost drowned a few times. Nothing said on the internet will result in me being butt hurt.

Minus the just ask and my old pic, which Ill move to a new gallery and maybe call " Now and then", you didnt offer much about what I did say. Let me have it....and yea, I get females are calling the shots. See my comment about about single males and old pick up trucks...

"FWIW - If/when Miss Molly weighs in, she'll also likely tell you this "Just ask..." approach generally doesn't fly."

I've been MIA because we've been at Naughty in New Orleans and it's pretty much all-consuming.

OP, I've started two responses already and just noped out, because I can't figure out how not to sound mean. But I also have an impulse to explain why people shouldn't do the self defeating shit they seem determined to do.

"Just ask" displays a lack of understanding of what the profile is for. People are going to ask, even if you have it in your profile, because it's a common conversational gambit. But your profile is supposed to work as an invitation to people to see you as an interesting, possibly desirable partner, so you give them tantalizing bits that increase the likelihood they'll do so. "Just ask" takes an opportunity and wastes it.

Why don't you put a very old photo in your gallery even though (mumbles a bunch of stuff about how there aren't a lot of differences)? Because it says you're living in the past or at least not engaged in the present and maybe haven't bothered maturing.

Is that true? Only you know that, but is that the impression you want to give?

Your job in this profile is to be the unique human you are, preferably relatable and interesting, without coming off as a wanker. Because single men here generally come off as some variety of wanker and then either complain or don't understand why women aren't jumping on their dicks.

Women in the lifestyle have nearly infinite opportunities to fuck men of all ages, body types, personalities, ethnicities, whatever. So most of us gravitate to men we like, that we'll feel safe with, that we think we can trust to do the job they're there for in generous ways (like, it's not about your orgasm).

Figure out how to do that and the lifestyle will be the friendly, welcoming place it has been for a lot of single men who know this instinctively.

You could create a separate gallery for "oldies but goodies" or "ancient history" for photos you think show you're a well rounded individual but aren't very recent.

Changes made and approved. I honestly missed removing the 6"4" part. Ill get it on the next edit. I kinda like my pic of me at 22, I might have weighed 185..maybe. Strip the hair away and add little weight to the face, how much have i really aged in almost 30 years? Im new, admittingly, I also kinda like profiles that leave some space to ask, its intriguing. Im not sure a persons profile should be a detailed engineering drawing, I do that 40 hrs a week.....

Hope you all are having a good weekend!!

"I didnt have much luck separating my one long paragraph"

You need to add multiple "Enter" key strokes to get paragraph breaks just about everywhere on this site.

In the Forum I believe you have to have 4 between the 1st and 2nd paragraphs to get a break. 2 creates a space for subsequent Forum paragraphs.

Patience, the most critical (and mostly helpful) person to critique a profile hasn't seen your request yet.

SurferJ - "I have noticed most folks seem to include it in their profiles, seems if it is important to them to describe themselves, it would be important to see then same in another."

This is because common sense is not as common as it's name implies ;-) Your stats list you as 6' 4" at 218 lbs. If you have a full body picture, what does physical description text add other than useless filler? It's better to have a little meaningful content over a lot content with useless filler. Having concise content will make it more likely your profile will actually get read AND help you find what you're looking for.

Speaking of common sense, what's the point in posting a picture of you at 22 when you're 48? I have some cool pics of me at half my age too, but what's the point of posting them? Would seeing a 20-something picture of a woman in her 50s make you more inclined to pick her even if she looked nothing like that now?

Other than adding a "Just ask..." kind of sentance for the Fantasies/Experiences, I didn't see any changes, including the typo that's still there in the first 2 letters of your profile. FWIW - If/when Miss Molly weighs in, she'll also likely tell you this "Just ask..." approach generally doesn't fly. In fact, you can likely find that if you look at her past comments in prior profile help requests.

We are all saddled with the same shitty editor as you and have figured out how to get things to output with paragraph spacing. All of this seems like picky stuff, and it is as far as I'm concerned, but there are others that think grammer and readability counts.

Finding people online is WAY more work than people assume coming into SLS. Some are looking for a reason to say No to people, so why give it to them? If we're taking the time to give you input, it's so that we can help you have the best possible profile, which is why I assume you're here?

FWIW - ALL of this profile shit goes at the window if you just find and attend local LifeStyle (LS) parties. Meeting people in person tends to be way more productive than finding and meeting people online. If you click on Hot Date on the left pane, you can find events in your area if interested. Good luck.

What is considered "dressed to impress" depends on where and how you live.

I can't really help you with lifestyle events or clubs - we haven't managed to attend any. But my guess is that business casual (khakis & polo with loafers) might be too casual - but call the club or event organizers to be sure.

House parties will depend on the host - once again, asking is you best policy.

For one-on-one meetings then it depends on the meeting place and local custom. You know what's normal for your location - just keep it slightly nicer than average. Unless you are running with a fancy crowd most women are going to be more concerned if you can dress appropriately for the occasion and that your clothes fit properly.

A store with a well trained sales staff and a good alterations department is your best friend.

~Phoebert's Wife

Mrs Phobert or any of the ladies reviewing my profile, I have a request...

I am fashion challenged...honestly. Im a surfer guy who lives in shorts and works in jeans and t shirts. My " dress up " is a clean pair of vans, nice Levis and maybe a shirt with a collar. I need your help. I like wearing a suit as much as I like vegetables...Im getting dressing for success is going to be a key part of my actual success here. I own my business and I can dress as I please, when meeting new customers, Im dressed more like the photos.

What kind of shirts, pants, shoes would you suggest? Im a big person, what looks good on a man 5'8" doesnt always on me

Thank you Mrs Phobert. Ill work on getting some more pics, the one you think isnt me , is most definitely. I was 22 in the pic. Its a good pic, but I see your point. The other is me surfing some medium size surf in Nicca. I thought they kinda played into who I am, what I do....

Ill work on the looking for and fantasies / experience some. Getting the pic with me and a smile could be a bit tricky. i also starting to understand why the clothes make the man in the pics...

Thank you again for your insights and good luck to you also!!!

MsMolly has been on vacation and I've been sick - not sure about any of the other regulars. But I'm feeling better now so I'll give it a shot.

Not sure the new pictures help any - two of them I can barely tell there's a person in them and the other is either not recent or not you. The original two aren't bad; Personally I want to see a smiling face and someone that won't embarrass me when we meet - someone that can dress appropriately in clothes that fit and carries himself well.

I'm going to give you general advice about your text. Hopefully MsMolly will wander this way after she unpacks - she really has a way with words.

You'll have to experiment a bit but it used to required hitting the enter key four times to get a blank line between the first and second paragraphs in a section and then hitting it twice for all subsequent paragraphs (just like in the forums).

Your profile will be easier to read if the four sections are fairly equal in length - and if you answer the question implied in each section header. So the first section is about who you're hoping to meet (outdoorsy couples, single ladies that enjoy clubs, etc) and the type of relationships you desire (one & done, NSA, FWB, etc); the second section is about the vanilla you and what makes you a unique individual; the third section is about the sexy you - generalities about what you've experienced & enjoyed (or not) and what you fantasize about; and the last section is for anything that doesn't fit elsewhere.

You have a pretty good start on Description - but let stats and photos do their job and not waste space repeating info here (besides then you have to remember to change it in two places). The other three sections need a bit more work.

Sometimes it's easier to compose your text offline in a word processor and then upload each section to your profile. Just don't make any changes until previous changes have been approved - been there, done that, lost some excellent text!

Good luck, have fun and stay safe!

~Phoebert's Wife

Mayhem8, Other then removing my physical description, I have followed the suggestions given. I have noticed most folks seem to include it in their profiles, seems if it is important to them to describe themselves, it would be important to see then same in another. Im also leaving the fantasies/expectations/experiences sparse, one can go on about themselves to much and inquiring minds can inquire. The couple of messages i have received were "hi, we looked at your profile, care to chat some"...

I didnt have much luck separating my one long paragraph, the text editor on this site is awful. I did remove redundant pictures and added what pictures I have to add to what Im about. I took the part about the pandemic out, that was a good call. It can take 24 hours to get an approved change.....

Going by the order of dates of , doesn't look like many of the regulars have chimed in in a while. Many of these profile review requests are over 60 days old.

I made most of the changes suggested. Maybe have another look. Oh, you made a redundant post here...

SurferJ - I'd like to say I'm surprised some of the regulars haven't chimed in, but this may be hurting you - "I've read more then a few reviews in this forum and tried to follow the advice."

There is a core group that generally respond to these requests for help, and soooo many times, the same advice gets offered over and over again. If you have read a few reviews in here, there is no indication that you followed any of the advice given.

For example, the "There is no need for physical description text as that's what the pictures and stats are for". That is VERY common input. People are reluctant to waste their time and if you somehow provide proof that it will be a waste of their time, they may well not bother.

At this point, if you want more input IMHO the best way to get it is to take what you have for suggestions so far and try to improve your profile based on that. It will show others if you will in fact take action on someone's input, or not.

Ymichael14-- Im not sure any of us can do much about being to old, Im certainly not 25 anymore. Fat, you can do something about, do the work, it pays in spades. Bald-- well, there is stuff for that and a lot of women like a cue ball for a skull, run with it. I am experimenting with this site. I do think being realistic in expectation for what you are is the call of the day. Im fit middled aged guy, Ill go as far to say well preserved, Im not looking for 25 yr olds....expectations have to match the substance.

I'm a single male ,I can't see your profile so I can't give profile advice.
I can, however, relate to the broken pick up on blocks in a trailer park.
What has not worked well for me is this site. I have only met 2 couples in 3 years. It appears everyone else on here has several parties, meet and greets and clubs to choose from every day. I have not seen any parties , meet and greets or clubs in my area for 3 years. And everyone here tells me I am too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too old, unfuckable and I piss in everyone's soup.
I do get to meet swingers when I travel to a club several hours away.
I also went on Fetlife where I found munches near me where I get to meet people. I also found a swing/ kink/BDSM party near me on Fet that I attend, where I get to meet and play with people. BDSM/ kink people are a little strange, but ok.
My point is, like with the broken down pick up truck, you have to go to the market that wants that truck. Collectors, mechanics, farmers, someone who wants it for parts, etc. Crowds of people are not coming to your trailer park to fight over the truck.
You may have to travel a ways to find a club or party. You can also try Fetlife. They may be more active in your area than swing people. Just be careful on Fet. Many do not belive in swing and think swing should not be part of the community. So stay in your lane until you know what someone you just met is into.
It has been my experience that you will do a lot better in person than online.

Ron Kathy, I did change my photos per your suggestion , I also did my best to break up a long paragraph into 2 shorter ones, with no success. Id say the text editor this site uses is from DOS days. I can try a few other approaches. I used some photos I have for now, I can look into some newer ones. Trying to get me in a legit photo with a smile...I have all my teeth, 'just dont flash them much.

As for this area, if you were here in most any bar/club, you will immediately notice its 2-3 to 1 males over females. Its how it is, being a couple allows you to bring more to the table. I lived here pretty much my whole life, there were times it was better and worse. I can also add many of my friends are single guys and feel the same way. Most of us are competent musicians and work in engineering type fields.

I thank you for your feedback. I took your suggestions as far as I can , please look at the updates. Ill work on some smiley photos.

Not even close sorry OP we play with a great couple in Satellite Beach who have a great beach home and was a very public figure in your area and down south. Some of our photos are from your area when visiting a couple months ago.

Lived and worked in Florida our entire life... like stated had homes in South Florida, Tampa area and also vacation with our swinger friends in YOUR area.. one more excuse AGE we are 71 and 68 and YES recent photos.. so sorry not buying your excuses why!

Good luck.. Takes a matter of minutes to change photos..have you done it. Nope. We change ours every couple months adding and subtracting and thats what attracts people's initial mindset. So yes its also about improving your profile.

Good luck and enjoy

RonCathy, S Florida is a WHOLE different critter then central fl, especially Brevard county. Its sleepy here, even with the inrush of endless transplants. Many think Cocoa Beach is party central, then they get there....not so much.
S Fl is all about money, image , drugs and who you know, its more like LA. There is more going on in Orlando, and I may have to redirect my efforts that way. Music had me at one time in all three places.
For a newbee, I have not had zero success. Ive gotten a couple "hi, how ya doings" and a few of my messages answered. I get patience will have to be the order of the day.
Im trying to refine the process, and I completely get this is kind of an exclusive under the radar club. That being said, I was looking for feed back on how to improve my profile.

Lets call it for what it is, a single guy over 45 seems to hold the value of a broken pick up on blocks in a trailer park!!!

Thank you for you input, I do appreciate it!!!

You have 3 photos.. 2 of the same, change it up, just the photos show no imagination in ones life and we are sure you can do better. Take some beach photos, party photos, out and about doing something , your profile is your swinging resume.

You are a good looking guy, show it in your photos , smiles, and doing something interesting in life..

The pandemic is in your rear view mirror.. take it out of profile and move on. its been years. for us we played during pandemic and never an issue with trusted FWB.

Good luck, and get out and about all sorts of clubs and events all over Florida!

Surfer are you kidding me about your area.. we have family, friends and just came back . Things in Florida are firing on all cylinders.

We have places in south Florida and Tampa area and its the same..Florida is the swing capitol because of ones views how open people are, very sexually oriented, all the clubs , events and just swingers in Florida.

Dont understand why you are having problems.. because we still see our swinger friends down your way and beyond?

Mayhem8, thank you for your suggestions. Things in Brevard fl have not exactly recovered from the pandemic, its slow here. Ill think on that. I see the section on expectations/fantasies as a topic for a conversation, again Ill put some thought to it. Thank you again.