critique please

Phoenix, AZ, Us

Hi. I'm going to echo PAW's disclaimer. This process can feel intrusive and even mean, but it's kindly meant and the end result everyone hopes for is that your profile adequately reflects you and increases your chances of finding what you're looking for. Please try to keep that in mind.

Nitpicky housekeeping: If you both smoke, then toggle to reflect it. Right now, it appears only one of you does.

Tagline - It's not great, because it's not eye catching and therefore not an invitation to open your profile, but if you're happy with what it says, then it's "Hot tub open," with only the first word capitalized. If you want to change it, humor is good, short is good.

Looking For - This section is, quite literally, about who and what you're looking for. It's not about the state of your marriage, whether you like to meet first, your pool or your hobbies, or pretty much anything else you have in this section. And when all of the stuff that doesn't belong here gets moved out, what's left is that you want like minded people who are hard working. Since "like minded" is completely meaningless as a descriptor, that just leaves "hard working." That's not exactly the kind of description that will make women and couples reach out to you. And the reason I'm specifying is that many single men appear to be far less picky about profiles and will contact you regardless.

Instead of what you have, do some thinking about the kind of people you're looking for and then about what you want. This is a good place to say you're looking for down to earth couples and singles. But do you want long term interactions, FWBs, one and done? Wind it all into a few welcoming sentences and then call it good.

Description - Most of what belongs in here is currently in the wrong section. You can leave out anything that is in your toggles or that can be viewed in photos. Instead, talk about yourselves as people. What do you like to do (vanilla interests)? This is where discussion of bike rides can go. The idea is to give enough of an idea of you as a couple for others to want to contact you to learn more.

In Fantasies, the first paragraph doesn't seem particularly useful here. Suitably rephrased it could go in Looking For, though.

The first sentence (which is really two or three sentences) of the second paragraph is fine in terms of content - you throw small house parties at which everyone, including single guys, is welcome - but in terms of grammar it's a mess. Try reading it out loud and fixing it.

Additional comments - It's fine to say thanks for viewing and this is also a good place to say you're not against playing on the first meet, but leave out the obvious invitation to contact you. Also leave out that last paragraph, which is the result of an internet legend and basically bullshit unless you're prepared to out yourselves as swingers and bring suit if someone cops your photo. Actually, it's bullshit even if you are, because it's not enforceable.

Listen to Velma and PAW about photos. And definitely include one of both of you, suitably anonymized in some way, in your public gallery because not doing so will lead to an instant no from a lot of women (the theory is there's a reason for no photos of him).

Good luck. I hope you make some changes and then come back for another round.

Fort Payne, AL, Us

I hope that you've read other reviews and realize that most of us are rather blunt about the advice we give. We aren't trying to be mean - just pointing out what we think could be causing you problems connecting with the people you are looking for. Remember that this is all about your profile, not you personally.

Your profile is a disorganized, mish-mash that is all about you. First you need to delete the warning at the end - it's meaningless and paints you as gullible. Then delete any information that is in the stat section or will show in pictures (age, height, extra padding, etc). Only then should you analyze each remaining sentence - if it is necessary then put it in the proper section. Things like "... If interested send us a message." is just wasting space but the info about your parties is great. Rephrase a lot of what you keep - complete sentences are easier to read than disjointed phrases with poor punctuation. You'll probably want to add more about people you hope to meet and the relationships you'd like in Looking For (not much of what's currently there really belongs there) and a bit more about yourselves (personality and vanilla interests mostly) in Description.

Velma's DEBauCH system is great for core pictures for your public gallery. Remember to smile, watch for clutter or visual chaos in the background and avoid selfies. Your current default picture isn't working because in the small default thumbnail it is impossible to figure out who it is or what you're doing.

Let us know when your updated profile has been approved - when so much needs rewritten it's sometimes easier to improve your profile in stages.

Good luck and have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Virginia Beach, VA, Us

You need new pictures.

I don’t even know what That first picture is. Is it the guy? Is it the girl? Are you hiking? I don’t know.

You need at least 5 full-body pictures of the husband and wife.

I opened a private gallery for you to show you the kinds of pictures you should have. Follow my DEBauCH method and you should be fine.

Next... okay there is no nice way of saying this. Your profile has numerous spelling and grammar mistakes. Heck, even your post to ask for help has mistakes.

As soon as I see a spelling mistake, I’m out. So please log into your profile on a real computer, check it over by cut and pasting your text into Word or Google Docs and go from there.

Finally, the lack of verification is a huge red flag for me. If you have played with someone recently, please have them certify you.

Start with the pictures. If you need help, let me know.