We probably go on 4-5 dates for every successful encounter.
It's a process.
I'm not forcing the lady half into lesbianism, but if she is okay with kissing and above the waist touching, change the profile to "bi-curious" for the lady half with her permission. You will get more interest that way.
"Is it common to need to meet with multiple couples before finding one with chemistry for all 4 involved."
Yep. It's tough enough to find one person you want to hang out with as well as fuck and now you're looking at duos instead of singles. Even if you're not planning on have sex with your same sex counterpart, you need to like them and vice versa. When it works, it can be magical, but I've found it doesn't usually work.
It is definitely still a work in progress. She decided to add the full swap because she is much more into the idea now then before but it would probably be a second time we played with them thing. Many of you caught onto the fact that she is still very nervous about the whole thing. He has talk about it for years and she has a lot of reservations about it and just recently opened up to wanting to try it and the more we get out there the more she really likes it. She was worried about jealousy issues, the fact that she’s not bi and only really open to a little kissing with other girls, the whole what is they developed feelings, what if someone finds out. Now that she has been chatting with other people in the LS she has realized that these are the same issues that most people struggle with when starting out and she is not unique or odd for them feelings. It’s a big bonus that she seems to be very well liked physically(a point of insecurity for her) and has greatly boosted her self esteem and desire to try it. It has helped us to realize one of her biggest fears that even she didn’t realize was that no one would want her. This is why now that we have went out with a few couples she decided to change up the profile to include full swaps.
Side note question. We have went out with two couples. The first ones we just felt no chemistry. Can detail it more but no real reason to. The second we really liked and decided we would like to set up a date night at one of our houses so we could take it further. Unfortunately they messages us the next morning saying they didn’t feel the chemistry. Is it common to need to meet with multiple couples before finding one with chemistry for all 4 involved. We have gravitated towards people and profiles who want a more FWB as that’s what we are looking for. I’m sure things would move faster at a party. The club scene around us left us feeling unimpressed so far and have been told for the good club we need to go to the club that is a few hours away. I’m sure there is a better forum to ask this but you all seem very knowledgeable about it so I figured I would ask while you are responding to us.
Also big thank you on the blocking of the single
Males. We had not interested selected but on blocked. We added that to the profile because we where getting daily messages.
You will notice we try to use pronouns for two people. That is because we are on this thread together and try to respond to everything as the two of us.
Overall your profile looks pretty good - just needs a bit of tweaking and fine tuning.
Personally I'd leave out the "by him/by her" - the descriptions are easier to read without it.
Everyone has scheduling issues so there's no need to go on about that. Hell - we're retired and you're probably available more often than we are! I'd shorten that whole bit to note that weekends work best and weekdays might be possible - and maybe move it to Additional Comments.
You've added full swap to your interest level and text. Previously I got the impression that she is relatively new to this and might be more comfortable with soft swap at first. You might want to somehow indicate the need to move slowly or that full swap may not happen the first time you play with someone. Get feedback from others about this - we play with single gentlemen so I may not be the best judge about what might work and what might be off-putting to couples.
You also might want to include a statement about there being no rhyme nor reason to his facial hair coming and going so that pictures with and without make sense. It could affect your attractiveness to some couples - there are some firmly on Team Beard or Team No Beard as well as those that don't really care.
There are still sentence fragments and some awkward phrasing - one of you should read the text out loud to the other. It's best if the reader is not the one that wrote most of the text.
Have fun!
I have never personally enjoyed the Her by him, him by her thing. But that's just me. I think the language is just weird, but it's common so I think what you have is fine to start out.
So you should look like your pictures.
We had someone post a few days ago who had a tattoo on his face and he asked "why aren't we getting more responses?"
Well... because you self-selected. When you put a tattoo on your face you are basically segregating yourself from most women.
If you have a beard you self-select. There are some women who adore beards and facial hair. But there are many who don't. A woman who likes beards will pick a guy with facial hair, but a woman who likes clean-shaven men will never choose a man with facial hair unless he looks like Jason Momoa.
The most important thing is to be consistent and look like your pictures. So if the guy grows and shaves at random, but his pictures are all clean-shaven, then the guy should shave before he meets a couple.
This doesn't mean that the girl can't roll in with a French braid when she normally wears her hair down. No guy ever said "Well, she looked cute in that top knot, but she had a blow out and I don't like her anymore."
The only exception to the beard rule is what I'm going to start calling the "Tommy Bahama" rule. If you take a picture while you are obviously on vacation at a resort or on a cruise, then I suppose a 3-day old scruff is okay in the picture. Most women aren't going to judge you for that.
Yes, please get out and take more pictures together. People are going to judge you by how much time you put into this. And use my DEBauCH method.
Ok. She went through based on your advise so far and made a few changes to the text. We will still need to grammar check it. Not sure why We didn’t think of it before it being pointed out to us. We also added and about him and her by the other. Something we have seen on other profiles and likes. We also understand the profile should and will evolve as we get more comfortable. Picture updates will come. Sounds like we need to get out and take more pictures together. Something we noticed when setting the profile up that we haven’t done much of lately. We feel having updated pictures are very important and don’t want to use any for 3+ years ago.
Also someone mentioned having them either with or without facial hair. How do other feel about this? He will randomly grow that little bit out from time to time and then shave it off just as randomly. So one week He might have it and the other he won’t. Would you still recommend not having it in our pictures when he could have it grown out when we meet?
I'm pretty much in agreement with the others - your profile just needs a few tweaks. Your status as newbies with a preference for soft swap is probably more limiting than your profile. Clubs/parties may work better for you than trying to meet other couples online.
Definitely delete the picture of him wearing orange & black - the unsmiling face is not appealing or enticing. As you add a few more pictures think about Velma's system and remember to smile, watch for clutter or visual chaos in the background and avoid selfies.
Your text would benefit from using a word processor with spell check and grammar check - you have a lot of sentence fragments, some repetition and capitalization/punctuation/spacing errors. I'd delete the last two sentences of Description for all the reasons that Velma mentioned. You can omit the bit about single males - since you show no interest in them they cannot view your profile (that level of interest does not work as advertised - they actually are blocked). If she has no interest in other ladies then you might want to change FFM to FMF - the order of the letters matter. Then consolidate the repetitions, add a bit more info and rearrange things so they are in the best section before running spell check and grammar check.
Good luck and have fun!
~Phoebert's Wife
Hi. If you've looked at any other threads in this section, you know the advice is both blunt and kindly meant.
So, first, I don't like the same photo mayhem doesn't like, but the rest are okay to good. You do need a photo that shows the two of you full length, without boxes or whatever in front of you, but that's about the only thing I'd change. there.
Your profile is only a few days old, so the lack of certs isn't a problem yet. In six months, it might be.
Your tagline is boring, but it's fine until you come up with something clever, but remove the period.
I'd probably wind the second through fourth sentences that are currently in Description into Looking For, along with the part in Fantasies that you're willing to consider full swap with the right couple.
In Description, you can leave out anything that is covered in your toggles and photos (so weight, body type, whatever) and I'd probably confine your scheduling limitations to Additional comments. So, you'll need a little bit more in Description. Maybe a little more about her to balance out the career stuff for him?
In Fantasies, try using complete sentences.
And that's pretty much it, except you have a ton of typos. Run spelling and grammar check and then read what you have out loud to catch where it sounds funky.
Do make changes, so at least you don't have a funky profile also working against you, but that's not your only barrier. You're new, she's uninterested in other women, you only want soft swap or same room play and...yeah, it's going to take time to find anyone who wants what you want. You might have better luck in a club or at a party where newbies are welcome.
Anyway, good luck. Collect opinions, make changes, and then come back for another review.
Let’s have some fun together.
Oh, I was kind of hoping we could get together and I could fuck you while my husband looks at his phone and the wife cries in the other room. Yeah, we all want to have fun together. Come up with a tagline like: "Free sex! Click here!" Something funny, come on...
She is 5 foot and about 160lbs. Never done this. A little reserved. Not into other girls.
Take the weight and height part out. That's already in your profile description and when you change the weight, which you will do eventually, you will forget to change it in your profile which creates a disparity.
I'm also a little concerned that she has "never done this." It makes you sound like you are forcing her into it.
He is 5’7”. More experienced then her.
Take it out. Again, you don't need height and the line "More experienced then her" makes me think that you are forcing her into this.
This profile seems like it was entirely written by the guy. Get on a computer and have her sit next to you to contribute ideas. I can smell male-written profiles from a mile away. It smells like a combination of urinal, Axe body spray and desperation.
One final word on the line you have where you say:
"Not into other girls."
Well, this presents a small problem because what are you going to do in a soft swap? Oral only? Kissing. It's fine if that's your thing. Also note a lot of couples only look for couples where the girl is bi.
I hate to give this advice because I already feel like you are forcing her into this, but if the idea of kissing another woman doesn't make her vomit into her mouth, change her profile to Bi-Curious. Now, DO NOT DO THIS if she is 100% opposed to kissing other women. But 90% of women see no big deal with kissing and boob stuff.
I consider myself straight. I will also trib the fuck out of another woman's thigh while I'm kissing her because it's hot and gets me off.
Speaking of tribbing, Ms. Molly should be along soon to give you more profile advice. Listen to her when she posts.
I'm in a good mood right now because my husband literally just fucked me in the ass and we're lying in bed together post-cleanup.
So, yeah... feeling pretty good right now.
So disclaimer: The stuff we say here is not meant to be mean. We are just saying what other people are thinking. Your profile isn't that bad, it just needs some tweaks.
I coined this term a few months ago. You two are a "Clowns in my coffee couple." What does that mean? You know that Carly Simon song "You're So Vain?" Well, there's a line that goes: "I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee. Clouds in my coffee, and you're so vain."
I think 90% of people who sing along with that song in the car say "Clowns in my coffee." Why? Because they know the melody, but they don't know the words.
That's you. You have the right melody, but your words are fucked up. It's an easy fix.
II created something I call the DEBauCH method. This gives you five core pictures that give other couples an instant idea of who you are. DEBauCH means "DATE, EVENT, BEACH, CHICK, HIM."
I opened a private gallery for you to view so you can understand what I am talking about. I have it open for a month. If you need more time, message me.
This is why you are a "Clowns in my coffee" couple. You kind of have what couples are looking for with pictures of you two together and pictures of the CHICK and HIM, but it's not quite there.
The DATE picture shows you as a couple in nice clothes - literally what you might look like on a date. Dress up, go out to a nice bar or restaurant and have a waitress or someone take your picture. This should ALWAYS be a full body picture.
Next you should have an EVENT picture. This is you as a couple doing something interesting. I know there is fuck-all in Ohio, but go indoor rock climbing. Go hiking. Go to a bowling alley. Have someone take your picture of you doing something interesting.
Then you need a BEACH picture. This picture tastefully shows off your bodies. You can also take a picture at a pool if you aren't near a beach. Don't have a pool? Go to a friend's house or go to a hotel, ask to pay "day rate" and ask someone to take the picture.
Then you need a full-body pic of the CHICK and a full-body pic of him.
A few other thoughts: Never take a picture with a gun or a fish. Never take a picture in the bathroom. It's not as clean as you think. Never take a picture with a messy background. If your house is messy, I'm not fucking you.
Be sure to smile in your pictures. When I pose, my husband takes literally hundreds of photos until I find one where I don't look fat. I make people was asked to take our picture do it again and again. I don't care. I want us to look amazing.
Regarding your current pictures: Never have pictures with different kinds of facial hair. Either have a beard, or don't have a beard. But if I see both and I'm not attracted to one, I will not be interested. Personally, the guy looks better clean shaven. That goatee the is wearing in the first picture makes the husband look like he shops at Auto Zone.
Kill pictures 1,2,4,5, and 6. Yes, the cat is nice, but some people have cat allergies and they may not play with you if they know you have a cat.
Keep pictures 3 and 7. Three is an amazing picture. Picture seven can be the EVENT picture, because you are doing an escape room - something interesting.
Take the rest of the pictures and repost here so we can re-review. PM me if you need advice. I'll do your text next.
Keep pictures
Don't have a lot of time, but thinking the lack of online interaction may likely be because of the "soft swap" limit and lack of experience. I didn't care for the pic of him in the black/orange coat but the rest looked OK.
I did like the game night thing and if we were closer and in your age range, we would take you up on that. We are a somewhat rare experienced couple though that doesn't mind newbies. Many experienced couples don't want to interact with newbies. If you have limited play time, people want to make the most of it by getting to play at the level they desire.
I know this is 90% of what you see here but it’s our turn to ask. Check our profile out. Let us know what you think or what advise you have on it. We can generally reach out to people and get a conversation going but only single guys have ever messaged us first. Wondering if something in our profile I keeping all those viewers from sending a message.
Also I know from reading this that some people are really into certs. I’m sure it would help but we don’t want a fake cert. Going to diner or some other vanilla activity doesn’t earn us a cert in our eyes so we haven’t asked any of them to yet and since we haven’t went further then that certs will come with time.
