When do you consider yourself as Bi?

BT, I want to come back with something witty here, but I’m nervous. This is precisely where I fuck things up. Your wit is so far out of my league, I might as well try to get kibbles attention than try and fence with you on a cerebral level (God, I hope I spelled that correctly).

In the end, I was just tryin to have a little fun with playing on words without pissing anyone off too much, especially Travelers (who I hold the highest swinging regard for).

But alas...I fear f I continue to keep up with you I’m gonna screw things ip after only a couple of days making some posts. That typically takes me three or four days to do. 8^O

Tramp

Tramp, what do you want to know? I’m sure that I can make up a creative answer or two.

BT

Is anyone here the least bit curious as to the rock band names BT thought he’d come up with?

I mean, I’m not actually declaring that I’m curious about it (not that there’d be anything wrong with that), but if he’d drop back in and tell us...I probably wouldn’t mind.

Tramp

moekathy "Those two are not the same" exactly and context matters. This is a swingers site and it stands to reason you will find more people here (and extrapolate in the lifestyle) who enjoy having sex with those of the same gender than you would say on a car enthusiast site. Thus there are more bisexual (context definition) people in the swinger community than your neighborhood.

@ travelers & rustic

Definition matters a lot. Anyone reading this thread with a "bi" wife go ask her if she would be willing marry and live with a woman, if she says yes, then she is bi. If she says no, then she is *swinger-bi", just in play situations for fun. Those two are not the same

The current accepted theory is that homosexuality is something you are born with, and you don't have control over it. Are we suggesting here that bisexuality is acquired? If not, then again, no reason for swingers to be more "bi" than the rest of the population.

Swingers love to label themselves in some ways such as bi, or nudists because they dabbled in both, but that is not sufficient. Golfing or fishing once or twice does not make you a folder or a fisherman.

moekathy I think there is a higher number of people who are bisexual (however you define it under the umbrella of swinging) in the swinging community than not. The reason is at it's basic form swinging is about having multiple partners without the emotional relationship entanglements. For some that is just members of the opposite sex and others that is people of both sexes. We already know you can be in a relationship (emotionally) and still enjoy multiple sex partners (no string attached) by being a swinger. It stands to reason that if you enjoy both male and female sex partners that being a swinger is perfect whether you are single or part of a couple.

Public service announcement. Here is the Kinsey scale:

Rating | Description

0 | Exclusively heterosexual

1 | Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2 | Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3 | Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4 | Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5 | Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6 | Exclusively homosexual

X | No socio-sexual contacts or reactions

It's unlikely that the total of people who are ones and sixes are the majority, no matter what we might like to think. However, absent opportunity, ones and twos are likely to live heterosexual lives. Swinging provides an opportunity for same sex play, ergo the higher incidence of bisexual activity (not bisexuality, which is a different thing entirely) within the lifestyle. Also, swinging provides an option for opposite sex play, which is why I've known more than a couple of lesbians who occasionally have threesomes that include men, because they're not sixes.

@moe - "There is no way the swinging population has such elevated levels of bisexuality when compared to the national averages"

I believe you are comparing apples to oranges. The swinger demographic, by default, is already much more open minded to recreational sex in various forms than the national average of people.

You may be correct in saying that many (particularly ladies) may claim some form of bi when they are not truly so, but comparing the percentage of bi folks who are swingers to the percentage of bi folks in the general population is not a good comparison.

If you don't mind your friend sucking your dick but you don't care about sucking his, then you are bi-friendly.

If you fuck republicans and democrats equally the you are also bipartisan.

If you constantly switch between being bi and straight, you could be bipolar

"Bicycle"?

I think the term bi-curious is a perfect fit for many.

To me. "Bi-curious" is when someone that hasn't tried it but is thinking they might want to give it a shot...

Now that you've given it a shot and are willing to do it again in select circumstances. Then you become "situationally-bi".

Now after you have done it multiple times and find yourself equally as interested in guys as you are girls. Then I believe you have crossed into "Bi" territory.

Then of course if you have tossed the ladies aside and are only looking at the guys. Well then I believe "gay" would be the correct term.

Obviously this was written about males but I think the same would apply for females.

Swingers use the "bi" variants way too liberally. Most of the people that we know who call themselves bi are really not. Sucking a dick or eating a pussy occasionally so your partner can get a kick is not bi. There is no way the swinging population has such elevated levels of bisexuality when compared to the national averages.

“ In actual fact, bisexual means you are attracted to two or more genders”

That, that right there is why people don’t take you seriously. I’ll bet you ramble about the science on climate change, but fuck science and it’s 2 genders, right? That is why people don’t take you seriously.

When does a straight person know they are heterosexual? When does a gay person know they are homosexual? It's the same damned thing.

"I hate it when people call themselves bicurious. I understand why people think it’s a good idea. They want to dip their toe before swimming in the ocean. Even I have been guilty of it at some point. However, people don’t seem to understand how this “innocent” label can add to biphobia.
Bisexuality is stigmatised in both society and the LGBTQ+ community — even though we reportedly make up 52% of the latter. As for why we are so stigmatised — people don’t take us seriously. For men, bisexuality as a whole is seen as a cop-out. If a man is bisexual people automatically assume that they are taking a half step, too scared to come out as gay yet. Studies have even shown heterosexual women find bisexual men less attractive than heterosexual men, with one of the main reasons being their perceived femininity. Bisexual women, on the other hand, are seen as curious, promiscuous and straight.
In the media, biphobia is still rampant, just recently Big Mouth had a major slip up where they claimed (incorrectly) that it is binary. Though the definitions of pansexuality and bisexuality can overlap/vary from person to person. In actual fact, bisexual means you are attracted to two or more genders (not just two) and pansexual means you are attracted to someone regardless of gender.
Implying bisexual people can not be attracted to transgender people on a multinational show aimed towards teenagers and young adults was reckless and irresponsible. Biphobia is so bad that lesbians and gay men have been found to have nearly identical prejudice against bisexuals as heterosexuals. With many individuals struggling to live openly as bisexual individuals.
There are times when I wonder if I would have better luck if I lied about my sexual orientation. I can’t tell you the number of women who have lost interest in me as soon as they found out I was bisexual. Because of this impact to dating, we are statistically less likely to come out, with one survey finding that compared to 71% of lesbians and 77% of gay men, only 28% of bisexual individuals shared their sexual orientation.
A different report found that bisexual individuals are prone to higher rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide, all of which are embedded in biphobia. Not to mention, Bi youths have a higher incidence of suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts than gay and lesbian youths as well as a higher risk of truancy and bullying.
Saying you are bicurious may seem harmless but it has deadly consequences. It’s important to remember that while bisexuality is a crossing road for some, for others it is our destination. Through your confusion and self-reflection, you are adding to and promoting biphobia.
I can understand the hesitation and the uncertainty some will feel. Claiming a label is a big and scary step. But please be mindful before you do. Your actions can have unintended consequences for the rest of us.
Use queer, say you don’t want to label yourself or that you’re heteroflexible. Say you’re questioning if you must. But please delete bicurious from your vocabulary. Don’t say, “I think I’m bisexual?” Don’t write about a label you don’t claim. And be cautious with your words.
I did not spend years wanting to come out of the closet only to be pushed back in due to ignorance and biphobia. If you decide to come out, I’m sure you’ll feel the same way too."

The best definition of bi we ever heard so far:

"You are Bisexual when you would consider dating and living with a person of either sex"!

We often apply this definition to friends we know. Sure enough, it confirms our intuition without a hitch.

-Moe

This may be heretical, but perhaps a profile should only serve as an inducement, and isn't a substitute for discovering the particulars, yums, yucks, and preference of people through the lost art of conversation.

The wifey is listed as bi-curious. She definitely likes to have sex with other women, and that might seem just straight bi to some people. However, she is not into women romantically, so the designation makes sense to us.

I started to type a long explanation of my thoughts on this topic, but quickly realized it is really a waste of time discussing the "correctness" of labels with the many shades of gray being covered.

Short version for me, I don't care how you are listed. Be up front and discuss your desires and limits before any encounter. If your interests and limits match up to ours, then cool. If they don't we will say so, then either decide not to meet you, or will expect you to respect those limits when we do meet, just as we will respect yours.

Interests and limits such as kissing, condoms, anal, or whatever should be discussed and determined before any sexual encounter, regardless of the sex of the participants. The agreed upon limits should ALWAYS be respected.

We met a couple at a club and later saw them on here with the guy listed as bi, but he was fine with totally straight play, too. Didn't bother us at all to find this out about him. His complaint was that alot of guys listed as bi are actually gay. This guy liked sexual bi fun, but not at all into romantic things kissing, fondling that he considered going into the gay category. Apparently, most of these gay acting guys were usually married to a woman. Whatever floats their boat, but not his thing. Funny that SLS doesn't offer a "gay" toggle option.

I list as straight because I have zero interest in other men or letting other men perform sex acts on me period. I do not feel I need to qualify that. I also have no problem with a man listing as straight even if in the heat of the moment he would let another man touch him or even go down on him. Where I see a problem is when a man lists as straight yet will offer a handjob or wants to take a cock into his mouth (or other locations) and is using the "straight" label to get into a situation where he hopes the other party will allow him to do so. In that case bi-curious to bisexual are more appropriate with (in my opinion) the difference being when the it is just maybe a handjob or caressing versus sucking or more. Sadly we do need such labels or descriptions because as I said I am straight and have no interest in receiving much less giving and an attempt on the other males part will end the evening in a bad way (not violently unless absolutely necessary).

My wife lists as Bi-curious although the curiosity is gone and she knows what she likes and does not like because it is the "best" answer. My wife loves sex with men even if it does not lead to an orgasm. In fact she enjoys giving pleasure which is a big part in her choice of listing. She does not enjoy going down on a woman although she does not mind one going down on her which comes into play when we got with a couple and the wife pushed her husband out of the way (playfully) to get a taste of that before he could even get to it. My wife was perfectly fine with that and had a good time. That said my wife also does not mind using her hands especially as a second set) or sharing her toys with another woman when her man is there for fun as well (FMF is a favorite with some FFM interaction with the wife in the middle but generally the M is the center of attention). Now she does not crave doing these things but enjoys them because as I mentioned my wife gets a lot of enjoyment out of giving pleasure. She does not identify as Bisexual even though she appreciates how women look and is willing to play within her limits with women she pretty much wants a man for a good fuck. In fact she would be perfectly fine if there was not another sexual encounter involving another woman ever as long as she gets to have fun with other men from time to time. Bi-situational is about the closest description I have ever heard but the wife's behavior is more like a group pile than going for a one on one with another woman.

Basically we choose the settings that best suit us and what we are looking for/willing to do. I think the line as far as the site's parameters goes is drawn at Straight= no contact between same sex Bi-curious= limited contact or at least an interest in contact between the same sex Bisexual= full on desire for contact between the same sex. Now of course all of these are considered situational based on attraction but until a better system to describe desired "level" of play comes along that is a good definition of the available selections with people hopefully putting more in their profiles to better define things.

You can definitely get into splitting hairs with degrees of Bi, or not. This is just my personal take on the DP/DVP/multiple cocks in mouth thing. If swords are crossed with the only thing in mind being her pleasure, then you're not Bi.

If one of the guys is gettting a little something extra out of feeling another cock touch his, he's likely Bi. In that case, you could have a Bi and a straight guy doing a DVP and each of the guys getting something a little different out of it, but as far as I'm concerned, you don't need to be Bi to enjoy doing one of these sword crossing activities.

I can see some straight guys refusing to do these activities though, so at a minimum, I'd thiink you would need to be open-minded AND secure in your sexuality. I've also seen where some guys simply only like 1 on 1 and consider 3 to be a crowd. To each their own.

Agreed Magjoy. If there was a "bi-stuational" toggle, we'd click it for her. She doesn't go into play focused on bi with the other woman and would be fine if no bi play happened. But in the right situation things could easily be different. We started out with her listed as "bi" and that seemed to attract woman who really wanted that as part of play every time. So, we switched her to "straight" so as not to end up having very bi women disappointed and to not turn away straight women.

So many grey shades of bi in the lifestyle. However, SLS only has 2 choices. I think just adding bi-situational would go a long way. It would solve the whole debate! Yes, there are way more than 3... but situational pretty mich covers everything the other 2 doesn't.

In the meantime, I'll keep my (unpopular) label.

Curious = like the idea of sucking cock. You're still curious when it's in your mouth the first time. When you go back for it the 2nd time, you're BI.

I think Mayhem's most recent comment is more technically correct given the literal meaning of bisexual: "I would think that bi-sexual is just a term that means you're OK with having sex with either gender." It's consistent with the definition of bisexual: "sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender"

And, technically, if you add on romantic feelings for either gender to the bisexual definition, that's bi-amorous. Or if the romantic feelings are toward only the opposite sex, that's gay.

But in the lifestyle, people define these things in WAY broader or narrower ways. For instance, during DP or a woman wanting to suck two cocks at once, I'm fine with incidental contact with the other guy's penis - its just unavoidable. If neither he nor I get any sexual excitement from that incidental contact nor want any bi action, I'd say we're still firmly hetero and my lady would feel the same (she'd also be glad we weren't so hung up on it that she couldn't enjoy that particular fun!). But, I've heard other people go as far as to say that allowing that incidental contact makes both guys flaming gays.

This is where just clicking "Bi" on a profile needs to be bolstered by some description in the profile to say where you are in the potential "bi" spectrum.

As Mayhem pointed out, a swing site considers a person bi if they are open to sexual contact with both male and female and has nothing to do with romantic feelings.

Your profile states that your wife is open to sexual contact with men or women so she would be more accurately listed as bi or bi-curious.

You mention you are “open minded” and enjoy MMF which indicates you are also bi or bi-curious but later in your profile state that you have no interest in contact with a man. The sequence of letters matter. MMF means male plays with male and female. MFM indicates two males pleasing only the female.

As we always say, you do you and play with whomever you wish, just be honest in your profile and with potential playmates before the clothes hit the floor. No one likes surprises when it comes to straight vs bi play.

~Scamp