I had some issues when we started playing. It really came down to nerves, I think. Sildenafil is wonderful and comes in smaller doses so there is some control over how much you take. I only use about half a regular dose and it covers any jitters or nerves. I have even started using a small amount with the wife. She seems pleased that I feel she is important enough to me that I use the pills just like I do for some other lady.
It's overthinking it, which leads to second guessing, which leads to doubt, and Viola, he refuses to come to the party even if you beat em like he owes you money. Viagra, never leave home without it, and be upfront that it happens to you from time to time, she will be more then happy to make you comfortable ;)
But if you aren't mentally dialed in it's gonna be a battle.
As mentioned, it happens to everyone at times. Viagra definitely helps. I never need it with the Mrs but use it pretty much every time we play with others. Generic Viagra is really cheap so that's worth a try. I look at it like taking Bonine on a cruise. I rarely get sea sick, but it's cheap insurance towards a good time.
That said, I noticed I tend to follow a similar sequence. I like to do oral on her either first or after we play, but if I get a BJ first, then lick her, it doesn't always stay hard and it feels selfish to expect her to have to blow me up twice. I also tend to have a condom in hand when it gets close so it goes on and I'm in as soon as possible. Once I'm in and moving I don't recall ever having an issue, but the time between getting the condom on and in her seems to be critical.
We have DEFINITELY experienced guys that cannot stay hard in the presence of another guy actively fucking. I honestly think it's some hard-wired remnant of nature for males in general, but obviously not everyone is affected by that. I don't consider myself to be an alpha male, but I usually don't have that issue, so many times I wind up waiting for the guy playing with the Mrs to start before I do.
It happened to me last night.
I had a quick little rendezvous with a friend of ours. It was the first time that we’d be naked together. We had limited time to get the deed done (time pressures are a known erection killer). I also knew that the young lady would be reporting back to my wife, so I was constantly thinking about how I really wanted to show her a good time since I know that my wife had bragged about my prowess.
Result: whaa, whaa, whaa (game show loser sound, “thanks for playing”)
What the hell, I got some good sleep last night, I’ll avoid the Jameson’s this evening, and we’ll give it another whirl. Confidence is high.
29 years old and this is uncommon for you so it rules out a lot of things but pretty much points to "nerves" surrounding a first time encounter. Now there are a host of other reasons (including simply being tired) that can cause this to happen with your spouse (or long time partner) much less in a new situation especially one involving extra concern about how well you perform as it were. The fact is do not be too concerned over this as it is "normal" and I imagine most if not all men at one time or another has had some form of performance anxiety if they were honest. There has been some good advice given here but the best that can be given is do not beat yourself up over it you did nothing "wrong" it just happened. Now on the flip side if it keeps happening then perhaps you might want to have an honest discussion with a doctor and see if there is another reason for it especially at your age.
Don't drink to much beer! You might lose your last ever chance at a twenty year old smoking hottie! Not that I would know anything about that or nothing....
Try separate rooms for a change for your next swing experience. You may find it more relaxing and anxiety goes away.
Try separate rooms for a change for your next swing experience. You may find it more relaxing and anxiety goes away.
Practice, practice, practice.
We've been in the lifestyle for a long time and it still happens to me on occasion. There are a few things you can do to increase the odds that you'll get and keep an erection. Before your next play date, get plenty of rest, get plenty of exercise the week prior, eat well, avoid alcohol, avoid sex for at least a day.
However, no erection is ever guaranteed, even if you take a little blue pill.
I particularly like Hollyblue's suggestion of going to a club where you can be around sexual activity, but don't plan to participate except with your partner. Condition yourself to being in that kind of environment without any pressure to perform.
And again, practice, practice, practice.
You may also be in that group of men who just cannot get up around other men. We have met several couples who are in that boat and that is why they do separate room play. There are a few others who cannot stay up with a condom on or just at the sight of one. Experiment a bit and be sure of what it is or isn't. Go to a club or party and find an open play room and just play with each other and see how you do. It will also help you mentally adjust to the new dynamics. Don't worry about anything and definitely don't compare yourselves to others. Just be yourselves and have a great time. Good luck.
You just got psyched out, textbook performance anxiety... nerves can be a boner killer, lol. I'd say it's pretty common the 1st time out. I had a similar thing the 1st time we had a FMF 3-some. Did it again 2 days later, was rock hard the whole time, and actually had far above average (for me at least) stamina. Practice makes perfect. Maybe try having a cock ring available until you get past the mental block.
So my wife and I had our first experience last night and it was amazing but I was only hard like 10% of the time, which is really weird for me cuz I can look at a loaf of bread and be hard haha.
Idk if I was just to focused on her having a good time, or too much at one time over whelming my brain or what it was.... Nothing emotionally was wrong, I found everything hot and sexy!
Just looking for maybe some mental exercises to help me in the future possibly??
