Real identity questions

To Mayhem’s point, as a SF, I do have a “process.” Because I rarely play anywhere other than my own home. The only exceptions are sometimes in a club or house party. Other than that, I never go to a guy’s house alone to play.

I prefer my home because i know there are no hidden cameras, I have all my own toys at the ready, and when they leave, I don’t need to drive home. I live in a gated condo community with a concierge and doors that require swipe access. So they have to come in with me but once they leave, they can’t come back in. So from a safety perspective, I’m ok with it.

As far as names, I don’t ask for last names. (But I will say I belong to several FB groups so oftentimes it’s already out there), Here’s how I handle the name thing, from a safety’s perspective: I always meet first in the same bar/restaurant. The bartenders know me and understand, basically, why I’m there. So I simply tell my dates they need to pay with a credit card. I don’t need to know their last names but the bartenders will know it.

Everyone I’ve met understands SFs need to be cautious. So I’ve never had an issue. If they protest, then that tells me all I need to know. But it’s not happened yet.

~LMK~

We had someone give us fake first names once that we know of. When they got to know us better they told us their real first names, but then it was so easy to confuse which was which. Sometimes we'd call one of them by their fake name and the other by the real one.

We are not ashamed of what we do, but then we don't want to flaunt it either. Our kids figured out that we were swingers long ago and there would be no big consequences for me if it got out, especially considering I work remotely 100%% of the time now.

Both my parents have passed along with my father in law and my mother in law is incapacitated. At this point we have more LS friends than vanilla ones, and I suspect most (if not all) of my vanilla friends wouldn't care if they found out. Even still, I'd be leary about someone that was persistent in wanting my full name before we met in person.

I CAN see a SF wanting that if meeting a new SM. If something happened, it doesn't help to tell the police, "She was meeting some new guy named Joe".

No last names? No problem, par for the course in the LS. Where it really gets head-scratchingly weird is if they don't even want to give a FIRST name. I've had a couple of those. I mean, it's not as if you can't give a fake first name.

I've sometimes asked for first names by pointing out that I could just go with "Hey You" if that's what they're most comfortable with. But they have to tell me which one of them is "Hey" and which one is "You". :)

We are the same as you E and B.. now on the other hand we have met guys especially Kat has met them alone and found out they lied about being married, fake profile photos, cannot host, etc etc.. once we find that out we end it right there and tell them so.. its so easy to check out who people claim to be with the right questions.

We have never had any issues with having somebody over. We always meet ppl new to us at the bar nearby for a couple drinks, then if we dont get any weird vibes, we come back to play.

I think the OP is off their rocker for asking such info. Ive never asked for real first and last name, or been asked ... just give me a name you wanna be called .. I mean most ppl tell us their real first name. I wonder if they require social security numbers and fingerprint them also.

Just curious, but has anyone actually had any real problems by inviting people into their home prematurely? For us, negative interactions of any kind have been extremely rare and there was no risk of any after effects if that happened. We just parted ways and that was pretty much the end of it.

I suppose the potential is there for bad things to happen. Maybe we've just been lucky, but for us at least, the negative meetings have been almost non-existant. I do take the time to try to get to know someone before we invite them (i.e. actually read their profile and exchange a few messages first).

As for the base post, we've never been asked for our last name and we likewise don't feel we need that to have someone over our home. I can see the person being asked for their last name thinking that's a red flag for them as well. If there was any sort of apprehension, we'd likely just meet for dinner/drinks in public first, but we've rarely if ever felt the need. Part of that may have to do with where in the US you live too.

We are in a situation where I work from home and we have a garage, meaning not only am I home most of the time, you can't just look in the driveway to see who is or isn't home.

I’ve never asked, or been asked, for a last name, and I wouldn’t be comfortable giving mine unless there was a seriously good reason. Names or not, though, I think the first meeting should always be in a public place for drinks before inviting anyone into your home, sharing your address, or even entering a hotel room. Swingers are, in general, awesome people, but there are still a lot of crazies out there.

Our rule is that the first few times we play with someone new it is always going to be at a hotel. Only after we have gotten acquainted and feel comfortable with the person do we invite them over to our actual house.

You do not need a recipe for boiled bunny because you are not going to eat it.
I suppose you could, but you would traumatize your kid even more if you eat her bunny.

When I was part of a couple we would invite people to our house after meeting at a bar or party. Real names didn't get exchanged unless/until we hit it off and wanted to be social. I felt safe with my husband around. As a single woman the first play date is usually at his place. Then I know who he is and I know he isn't married and cheating.

For us, if they've been on the site for a few years and have some good certs then we don't care.

If it's a young dude, new to the site with no certs it's not happening. But for him, time can fix that.

Being a professional stalker, I am offended by those who won't just hand over all of their personal information.

GOODENUFF

I think you burned those burgers on the grill the other evening.

I am very careful with whom I share private information. Waaaay too many kooks running around these days.

On the other side of the coin, if someone is kind enough to share their phone, email, address, etc. with me, I will guard that information in the same manner that I guard my personal financial information. Wild horses couldn't drag it out of me.

Maybe a good blowjob or roll in the hay. But wild horses, no way.

I never ever bring anybody to my home. I meet at House Parties this way if you want to walk away you are able to walk away. if you want to party you are able to party. if you want to get to know someone you are able to get to know someone without being threatened or feeling that you have to do something you don't want to do. Back in the '90s I am old school used to go over each other's houses but it's a crazy world out there it's not worth taking a chance.

Could someone post the recipe for boiled bunny in the recipe thread?

I want to save a few bushes in my yard and that just might be the perfect answer.

I wonder if I could substitute squirrel. Those bastards tease the hell out of the dogs.

TYVMIA

My phone's contact list is full of couples whose last names we don't know.

Thanks Molly. If I saw that movie, it was quite a long time ago, and have forgotten most of it.

It's our experience that the swinger world runs on first names only, but that immediately goes out the door when the two wives hit it off really well and have friended each other on Facebook in the first meeting.

Bfwp4u,

I completely understand your reluctance to let a stranger into your home. We all have to determine what risks are acceptable.

I’m curious. Do you offer up your last name when you ask for their information?
If you were to visit someone’s home and they asked for your last name would you be comfortable providing your info?

It's a "Fatal Attraction" reference, where a character's bunny boiling has become emblematic of batshit stalking.

"Or you show up at their house and boil their kid's bunny because you fell in love with them."

Uh, what?

We wouldn't give our last names, we have had 2 stalkers in the past. Completely understand the thinking of having a stranger in your house to sleep with but for us it's a hard pass. We actually prefer to get the hotel room ourselves. If they flake we are still having fun and if they show, we get to roll over and have fun soon as they leave (which we enjoy)

FWIW- we've hosted many times in our home and have never asked for a last name or offered ours. We've learned a few last names and others have learned ours after a period of time, but I don't recall ever asking or being asked for them.

All of our 1st meets were in a public place or a house party where we knew the hosts.

Yes. Hotel room.
Or go to their house.
You have to remember that they are being careful not to walk into a set up for a robbery. Or get SPAMMED .
Or you show up at their house and boil their kid's bunny because you fell in love with them.

Consider splitting the cost of a hotel room with new couples. It's safer and nobody has to give out more information than they're comfortable with.

I guess hosting isn't the way to go.