No sexual attraction

Ill have a number 6 Animal style.... some of us like to order off the secret menu.... jus’ sayin’

@TRAMP

Yeah, I have been known to do odd things :) What was more interesting was it was at a house party, all the rooms were taken and in the front room they had put down some mats. It was in between a U shaped sofa sectional. I fucked her on the mats. My wife was on one of the sofas, drinking a glass of wine just watching and the woman's husband was on another one of the sofas. We wound up putting on a show for about 10 people. That is not normally what I like at all. But I was able to focus strictly on getting her tits spinning that I could block out the rest. On the way home my wife said, I didn't think she was your type at all. I said she wasn't. She asked why I fucked her then and I told her. Her response, you pig and then 3 seconds later could not stop laughing. Then she said ok, well she came a few times so it wasn't too piggish :)

@Pretty

Just one more thing to think about. Yes, I did read there were some actions that occurred that turned you off, you didn't share them, but I can assume it was enough to make an impression. Think about this for a bit . . . you might find that attraction immediately with the other person. It may take time to fester. Just like you and I may be having a bad day and sending off bad vibes, others are the same. In our over 20 years of doing this, I can tell you that there have been quite a few times that we have run into couples, talked and didn't feel it, then after time, we saw it and got it and then had sex. There was no regret in that :) I can also tell you that in all this time, there are a couple of people who I have zero intention of having sex with . . . ever. Ironically, it is more mental than physical. I guess this is the crap that our parents taught us about reading the cover and not the book :)

Back to the original question, if there is no connection, then you just have to say so, an explanation of why is not required. Be as polite and as positive as possible, but some will take it badly regardless of how well it was presented. That is on them if they choose that path.

Lots of good stuff in this thread!

I'm not a regular forumer, more an "occasional" forumer, but this thread is really one of the best ones I have seen of late.

As others have said above, It's your life and your fantasy. Live it and do it how you want. The tighter your rules are, the less chance of frequent connections, but the looser your rules are, the less chance of making "that exact fantasy" come to fruition.

Do you your way at your comfort level. Period.

There is no right way to do this swing thing, but there are many wrong ways that can bring you or your spouse to a screeching stop in the whole endeavor. Do it your way and have fun.

As a simple analogy, "shooting" is what you do at stationary targets who have no input on the outcome. There is a reason that hunting is called "hunting" and not called "shooting". The hunting is where the fun, the work, the effort, and the anticipation really make that final "shot" special IMHO.

EroticA

Just gotta tell you, the “tit spinning” had me laughing my ass off.

~rabbit~

@Pretty

Good attitude!

I do agree that everyone does this there own way. If we want to have the combo #6 and no one is serving it, then we either don't eat or go to a different restaurant. The three things I have taken from our limited experience here is #1. Have fun and don't do anything you're not comfortable with and have the same expectations from your partners. #2. People do things there own way. People are here to have sex, and there are a million ways to do it. #3. Don't take this too seriously. If a couple or individual does not mesh with you, don't get butt hurt by it. Take it as a leaning experience.

We all do this by choice, no gun to our head. We are hear to have a clean, safe, hellofa good time. Get laid, meet new people, explore areas of ourselves we didn't even know existed. Its our journey to take as we please and if other people don't like how we're navigating, then they can get off our train and go somewhere else.

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I would add one other thing. Everyone is different and everyone has levels of sexual attraction. Personally, I am odd. Show me a naked supermodel and my dick does nothing. Put her naked in front of me, 3' away and my dick does nothing. Put an average woman there in front of me naked and my dick does nothing. Now, let me talk to the woman for a few minutes and then I will either get a raging hard on or I will not. I need the mental connection. So this woman you found no sexual attraction to, well, are you setting the standard so high as to match that of your spouse? Every woman has something, in my eyes, that is attractive. I have also fucked women for odd reasons :) One woman, had really big tits. She did nothing for me as I am not a tit guy. She was ok, but I really didn't have an attraction to her. However, I talked to her for a few minutes and then thought of something odd. I wanted to see if I could get her tits to spin in opposite directions like the old burlesque dancers. So I fucked her and tried really hard to make it happen. She had a good time as I made her cum a few times and I had a good time, but it was not a sexual attraction :) This past weekend I almost had a similar scenario with a woman. I am not attracted to women with short cropped hair. It tends to make my dick turtle. However, I talked to this woman for a bit and it was interesting. She wound up with another guy, but I just sat on the sideline and watched her movements, her tits hanging down doggy style and went wow, that looks nice. That got me over the hurdle of the short hair :)

Good luck in finding what you want, don't be afraid to take risks. The only bad sex is no sex. :)

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Now adding a few things because, well, I don't want to do some work right now :)

A lot of people when they get into the lifestyle have a lot of misconceptions. The first misconception is that you can come into this lifestyle and treat it like you are going to an In N Out and order what you want off a menu. Not trying to be an asshole, but read your profile. It is all about what you are looking for like it is a menu item. I can see it as, "Hi, I'll take the number 6 combo with a side of the guys playing golf." Again I am not trying to be an asshole, but most people don't think about the other PEOPLE on the other side. Just because your busy doesn't mean that the person is or isn't. Where you are in life may not be where they are. If you are trying to find people in life where you are in life . . . well that ties into the next point.

Swinging has been and will always be about sex with people other than your spouse. When you create all these conditions it means that you do not want to have sex with others. Why? Because they are conditions that make it easy for you to say no and hard to say yes. If you find reasons to say YES, instead of saying no, things will change a LOT.

Now before I get ripped for that last comment, please let me elaborate. Everyone moves at a pace that makes them feel comfortable. Some people see the pool and go straight for the 10 meter board and dive deep in. Some of those guys make it, some do not. Some people start in the kiddie $9 walmart plastic pool and then slowly work their way to that 10 meter board. NEITHER ARE WRONG. What works for you works for you. But if you have not found out what works for you . . . that means you should take some risks.

When we started in the lifestyle over a quarter century ago, we had very stringent rules. My wife instigated, we were soft swap only, aka no penis other than mine going in her and my penis can only go in her. Then we stepped into full swap in the same room on the same bed with a condom. Now, well, we realize we are not leaving each other, and our rules are really simple. We play bareback, together, separate, whatever. Our rules are plan whatever you want, if it happens, let the other know after the fact. Pretty simple.

I did not bring that last paragraph up to 'brag.' I brought that last paragraph up to explain it takes time and we took risks to find out where our boundaries were. If we never took that risk of trying sex with someone, we'd still be in that walmart plastic kiddie pool :)

Well, I broke the news to the couple that sex was off the table. At first, she(shes the talker) was ok with being just social friends. A little later, she asked why, and since Im an honest guy I told her. Was super respectful of their feelings and just said no chemistry and there was some actions that made one of us uncomfortable, not hurtful or mean in any way, just not feeling it.

Was told let us just end it here. So, we're 0 for 1 in keeping them as friends. There was good chemisrty out of the bedroom so I guess they're all Fs or none. Their loss.

To answer the OP's question, there is no correct way. Why? Because your agenda and their agenda may be completely different.

Let's create a hypothetical between us . . . again, purely hypothetical.

We are sluts. We like to fuck almost anything that has a pulse. We don't care to know your name, your age, your income, your job, your political and religious beliefs. Our life is busy enough that we use the time to just exchange bodily fluids with others.

You are looking for people to hang out with, fuck on occasion, perhaps go to non-lifestyle events with.

The four of us decide to meet. You think I am a total asshole not worthy of spreading your legs for. What is the correct way to tell us?

Now, replace how we are with . . . we are a couple who likes to find friendship in the lifestyle. We prefer to get a friendship going before we engage in horizontal activities. Now do you think it would be different telling that couple?

In other words, there is no one way to tell someone. So in my opinion, the only way to tell someone is direct. This is about your feelings of having sex and if they are irked, pissed, ok, content with your feelings, that is on them. Just don't expect them to be the way you want them to be.

@RonKathy
Wow, if that isn't a classic case of "using the wife as bait" I don't know what is LOL

Obnoxious unicorn hunting couple's response, "We really had a great time. Is there any way that you can come and play with us? I mean we'll let your husband come and watch." Me-"So, your wife doesn't play?" A- "Oh, yes, she does with other women and we really like you." Me-"I am straight." A- "Oh, that's OK. We're sure that you'll like it when you try it."

There are really insensitive people out there who will say crazy #$?!!!! to try and fulfill their fantasies. Be buckled up for that as well. Definitely follow the advice given and be kind and courteous. Oh, and we have learned to expect rudeness and not to go nuclear when it comes at us.

Try and come up with some non-verbal signals so that you all know if you are into a couple or not.

For us, Diane usually gives the male half of a couple a 2nd chance, but after that if he can't fully perform we have to drift away. Staying friends to the extent of just getting together for vanilla things is rare because after all, the common denominator is good sex for everyone. Being cordial after parting ways when running into each other at lifestyle functions is what we were eluding to.

Like cacpl, I give two tries unless the sex is abysmal, because anyone can have a bad night. But I don't think it's possible to decide you can't play with someone again and maintain a friendship. Well, actually it's theoretically possible, but highly unlikely. The attempt generally leads to distant smiles when you meet to the other party leaving the room when you enter. And it makes sense, because none of us likes rejection because sex is bad with us.

Anyone can have an off day/night. I would try again unless it was just that bad. If the night was still awful, then you need to decide if you want to continue a friendship. But don't be surprised if the other party doesn't want to continue a friendship if you end the sexual relationship.

you are trying to mix swinging and nonsexual friendship together. That is always difficult. First when there is not an attraction for sex just say the chemistry is not there for us. We had a great time with you guys but the chemistry is just not there.

Best to be up front & honest & say you enjoy their company socially but the feeling isn't there for anything further. If you played & it didn't go well for one or both of you, let them know you are just not clicking & would like to keep it social after that. The Lifestyle community isn't that big & you may run into them at other Lifestyle events & want to avoid awkwardness. If they get offended & can't handle it, it's on them, not you.

Here is another scenario... say there is enough attraction to play, but the sex was horrible and the shred of attraction is gone. We still want to be friends and hang out, but not play anymore. Does this seam to work out or is it typically we play or nothing at all?

Ggmm,

Good point. That's why we always say "we" dont feel an attraction.

Us being new, we want don't want to step on any toes but we don't want to take on for the team either. With dating comes rejection, the friend zone as you will, and there will definitely be cases where we're put there too. The LS community in our area is small and we don't want to be "those people".

We appreciate the feed back and looking forward to everyone opinion and advise.

Thanks.

Well, first, you don't get specific that one or both of you isn't attracted to one or both of them. I just say I had a great time meeting them, but there was no attraction. Then I thank them for their time.

We're new as well and we've dealt with this already. We're just very open and blunt. We say something like "We have a great time when we hang out but we don't feel that spark ofnl physical attraction. Can we continue to hang out with no expectation other than a great friendship."

We are new at this, so people please offer some advice...

What or how is the best way to tell a couple that there is a friendship connection with all parties envolved, but there is no sexual connection between for one person in the set of couples?

Please help!