It makes no sense to delete a thread. You asked a question and got thoughtful replies. If you deleted it how can anyone else ever benefit from the knowledge that was shared?
As it is, anyone that now comes into this thread has to guess at what the original question/issue was
~rabbit~
I was the op... not a case of me leaving because I didnt get the answer I was looking for. In fact it actually helped and opened a door between my husband and myself. I just thought if I deleted it it would delete the thread so it's easier to find things. But I appreciate everyone's feedback!
Well to continue the discussion without the op. I can't see how either an open or poly relationship isn't just frought with problems or difficulties. I'm not condemning either. It just seems like an impossible situation. Impossible in so far as keeping both people happy without hurting feelings.
Another case of not getting the answers they wanted.
Internet Form 101. Don’t ask a question unless you are willing to listen to a variety of answers.
~Scamp
The original post for this thread was deleted.
and....another one is gone
Outdoors, I agree with you about blurred lines in a poly relationship, but Mb20167 is in an open relationship. Even worse, he’s got girlfriends, and she doesn’t have a boy friend.
Sadly, I think Phoenix summed things up most accurately.
I wouldn't know where the line not to cross in a poly relationship even is. I would say that the lines are gonna be pretty blurred in that situation. So my answer to your question about crossing the line. "I have NO idea".
But you do.
TICK...TICK....TICK....TICK....TICK...…..BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"She does have some mental instability"
that right there is a big red flag, and should tell you something is not right and he should stay away from her
Wow... absolutely nothing good can come from this woman remaining in your lives.
Your husband is playing with a jar of nitroglycerin, you’re letting him, and sooner or later it’s going to blow.
Your relationship, your call though. Good luck. I’m aftaid you’ll need it.
~rabbit~
"...maybe she feels awkward in social settings being a single woman sitting with an obviously married man."
This bothered me when I read it, but only now did the penny drop. If it feels awkward being an apparently single woman with an obviously married man, then you have forgotten or are ignoring that you are essentially a side piece, no matter how loving the relationship.
As a perennial side piece, if I found myself wanting a ring to stave off social disapproval, I'd be looking for a relationship that wasn't asymmetric, or at least one where I was the primary partner. Because being clear about your place and carefully not treading on wives' toes is pretty much the foundational part of being in a relationship with a married person.
Good catch hotlvrs, I think you may be right. If that’s the case, would you (the op) be ok with your husband keeping the ring and only letting his gf wear it when they travel together?
The bottom line as all have mentioned is that if it makes you uncomfortable, your husband should respect that and give her something else.
~Scamp
"one of them wanted a ring"
it sounds like one of them wants more from him than just a ring.
you are his wife and should come first. if you are not happy about this arrangement, then he needs to take your feelings more seriously.
OP: We aren’t in an open relationship, but we do have single friends in addition to couples. We both discuss and choose what each FWB gets that we want to give a gift to, as to have the other’s approval; it’s also to not get too personal and send a wrong message. One of her SMs got a nice vanheusen polo and one of my SF got an ankle bracelet this year.
Her merely asking or wanting something specific is a flag, no need to think on it or it’s costs.
Your next move should not be worrying about a “Dear Forum” reply, but rather having a discussion with him about what you’re thinking and how you feel, ASAP.
Good luck!
~Allen
Like Phoenix, after a few more moments of contemplation, another thought strikes me.
Have you talked about this woman’s motivation for having the ring? I’m just wondering if, since she travels with hubby, and I assume hubby has a wedding ring, maybe she feels awkward in social settings being a single woman sitting with an obviously married man.
My impression is that you already know the answer to your question, and you are just looking for validation for your feelings, which by the way, I think are absolutely correct. It doesn’t matter what we think, what’s important is that you feel a line has been crossed. Husband should honor your wishes.
After a few more moments of contemplation, another thought strikes me.
This is a gift that the "other person" has specifically asked for......it is not a token gift that your husband has initiated. The fact that it is only $25 tells me that she is more interested in "training" him to cater to her than it is about this specific item. I presume that she could easily find the $25 in her own purse if she just wanted this specific ring.
Hence, further thought gives me quivers about her intentions.
Either of you could be right, either of you could be wrong.
The glaring issue is not whether a gift should or should not be given, but rather it is how to maintain mutual respect and the relationship between the two of you.
Until that is achieved, then I would vote for no gifts.
" Am I wrong? Is this a line that shouldn't be crossed?"
There's no manual for open/poly relationships. The determination for what step is too far is with you. And you're not happy. Since you are your husband's primary partner, if you are not happy with a step he takes, then his primary option for reassuring you is to walk back that decision.
Or he can try to convince you that you're wrong, which is a poor choice.
