How is your marriage different

Like many of you, we have been together a long time, almost 30 years and counting.

We actually met when she moved in as a roommate, and my then wife and I entered into a poly relationship with her.

We have been poly, swinger, long stretches of monogamy, now back to poly.

We are each other's best friends.

But I think there are two characteristics that set us apart from many other marriages.

First is loyalty. We look out for each other, have each other's back, and are each other's biggest fans.

Second is the intention to build something bigger than ourselves. Now, that is not material things, but how we present to other people, how we raise our children, the values we inculcate in them.

One more thing. Sometimes it's the little stuff. I get up earlier than her. Every morning, when she gets out of bed, there is a cup of hot coffee waiting on the table for her. Every day since I can't remember when.

Based on observation of couples in and out of the lifestyle, it seems my husband and I are rare in that we actually deeply like one another's company and companionship, and it is how our relationship started - solid friendship.
Also, we put one another first. We are a team. Everything and everyone else comes after that

Endometrial Cancer took her desires away. Cancer free but with a cost....

MandC: Thanks. In the lifestyle it turns us one and we're attracted to couples who are still in love AND love to share. They are interesting to us.

Fraunhubby:

We like your attitude! We are quick to avoid any person or group where there is negativity. We have a very low tolerance for that.

Probably the single biggest thing for us is "forgiveness". This is not a LS thing.

It's not that we don't get angry at each other at times, but without forgiveness, you won't be married for long if you can't forgive. We all make mistakes of varying degrees.

We've made it over 40 years so far so must be doing something right.

I think one of the things that sets our marriage apart is the we accept who the other person is and don't try to change them. We are each allowed to follow our passions, desires and wants (in all things not just sex) and know that the other will respect and accept and usually even be happy that we found something that we enjoy.

Of the couples we know many are still trying to change their spouse years or even decades later which just leads to frustration, anger and resentment in our minds.

We are endlessly fascinated by this question and always want to hear what everyone has to say.

We have always really "liked" each other. We use "like" because it's both true and a key ingredient in a successful marriage.

At one point, pre-swinging, we saw a coffee clatch of couples socially. The parties went from boring to misery over the course of a few years. None of the other couples seemed to enjoy being around their spouses. Enter party...divide into men's room and ladies' room...and even significant arguing would start between married spouses in the party. Both sides seemed to loathe the other spouse. We eventually bailed on any social contact and told the group why. They are all still hanging out and being miserable together.

No marriage is perfect, and we had our tensions and misunderstandings. Swinging significantly improved our marriage. We talk quite a bit and ask questions of each other. We take pleasure and joy in seeing our spouse enjoy themselves with another. We were never jealous, and now the encouragement, support, and work we each put into making a sexy or mundane event work for the other is fun and joyful.

We have had others tell us (from a cool and sexy Mom/wife we know), "I want what you have. I notice that he looks down your blouse when you lean over and he just loves everything about you. I want that passion." And I still do after 33 years of marriage.

So, we LIKE each other still. Make sense?

Well, first of all, We get along. Rarely do we even disagree. This was brought up last summer in a vanilla setting. This girl, asked us. "Do you guys ever argue?" I told her we rarely disagree. She replied, "I noticed that." She also picked up on some queues that we like to flirt with other people. Don't know if she figured out our dirty little secret but.... What we have is no jealousy issues. No control issues. And no "pay attention to me issues. These all seem to be very common in the vanilla world.

I guess we put each other first in the priority list. And it works. I want to see her happy, as does she want me happy. Every once in a while my wife will say, "No swinging this weekend. I want ALL of your attention." I'm like OK. She's my number one.

There's been some great points made here already. It seems to be a theme, but we get so much pleasure out of seeing each other play when we are in the same room, and we each get turned on hearing about each other's experiences when we play in separate rooms. As others have said, there's zero jealousy.

We have had a few experiences where it ended up with one of us having full swap and the other more of a soft swap encounter. The full swap participant actually was highly concerned that the soft swap partner was fully enjoying themselves to the same level. To us, that illustrates how in tune we are with making sure we each enjoy every experience.

R & K make an excellent point about some couples jealousies. The vanilla world seems to be more accepting of cheating than swinging. Swing couple know it's just fun, recreational sex. We know we're going home with each other & not looking for something we may be lacking in our marriage. We have no jealousy issues. We like seeing or hearing each other have a good time with our playmates. We have great sex together & also make the time for our own playdate at least one a month outside the home at a nice adult theme hotel.

Excellent question.. we have been married 40 years come April, we have known each other well over 45 years

In the beginning it was all work, kids, college at night etc etc.. Both had high profile public jobs..we always like to party with fun friends , dance and had a fantastic sex love life.. we are truly best friends and have been through all the trails and tribulations of what marriage brings.

We began swinging with "select singles and couples" ( most were in the criminal justice system lawyers, LEOS, Firefighters and teachers) over 30 years ago as we both look at sex and swinging like a sport. So it worked fantastic and still does.. we see many of our 'vanilla" friends and even coworkers who "cheated" for the thrill, sex got old at home, etc.. some still do.

WE have asked them about swinging openly vs cheating and all said "oh No I cant have my spouse go to bed with someone else or they would be to jealous..

We cant figure that comment out and many of our friends who know we are swingers give us "KUDOS" ...stating well you guys are just different.. Okay then carry on ! ???

One thing we always do.. every MONTH go on about 2 dress up dates with each other .. like the other night found a new 'Roaring Social Club" with live bands 5 nights a week not far from our home.. we also tried to pick up some new friends ..and well it was fun..Yes it is work but so is everything that is worth it ... instead of same old same old.. !!

JC. How is your marriage different from other marriages you're familiar with?