I was married at the age of 19 to my husband. That was a couple years older. Two years into our marriage, one of his old girlfriends lived with us, and we’ve had an open marriage every since no worries, no troubles no drama you’ve got to be an adult to handle an adult situation the survived
I probably .haven’t completely thought this out, but I have had concerns. Not about us, but about the others involved. And maybe I don’t fully appreciate the types of polyamory. We have had two amorous and loving relationship situations. One was with a couple, the other was with spouses of two different couples. Remarkable the latter is the one that worked until we moved away. The other with the couple degraded because of the husband half of the couple.. He was infatuated with me which was fine. I was emotionally attached as well. But, he became stupid and started prioritizing me over his wife. When he should have been sending her flowers, he sent them to me. When he was supposed to be somewhere with her, he would have me with my heels in the air trying to get me pregnant! Couldn’t but he sure tried. What a shame. He was a great lay and quite charming. The final straw was when together as a 4some he announces that I’m the best fuck he’s ever had and that I have magic pussy. No bueno! I had to make it clear after that, we couldn’t be lovers or friends anymore. Not even on Facebook. She’s still a friend and guess what she does? She goes out and cheats on him. Just perfect.
To the OP:
Always is one hell of a word.
What works for some, might not work for others. Just like any relationship or marriage.
I know a couple of married folks with 50 yrs together. I have never met a woman that I wanted to spend 50+ yrs with. When I was a kid, 7-Up was the only soda that I wanted. Now, I like Sprite better, unless there's alcohol.... I would chose 7-Up.
People change, sometimes one of them change for the worse. When a couple in the lifestyle break up, it can be for things other than sex or cheating.
We are ppl that just HAPPEN to be in the lifestyle. Not Lifestylers that HAPPEN to be ppl.
well said Alove
Poly works for us and many of our poly friends. The most common reason for fail happen because people are trying to fix bad relationships by adding extra people. The next is that they are not able to own their desires and tell the truth. Our poly doesn't try to add a hot bi girl or such. Poly relationships are real relationships, where each partner respects the other relationships you have and doesn't try to undermine the others or compare themselves to the others. Poly requires commitments of time to read and learn, to communicate and engage, to love and share. The best poly works where we treat each other and our lovers as tribe or family. It's not about living in some big love compound, it's about supporting each other and thriving in a world where love is abundant.
Poly WAS the problem. People fail at tespecting autonomy in platonic and familial relationships, and they are going to fail at it in romantic ones too
HOW is that logic?? The normativity of monogamy is irrelevant. I am saying people can't handle ONE healthy relationship and y'all expect people to correctly handle more than that.
People don't know how to be good partners to a single individual, and you expect them to know how to spread it around. People barely understand how to be autonomous and respect autonomy, and in poly, you MUST respect autonomy.
Somebody got butt hurt...lol
Isn't divorce rate like 55% and then add in terrible marriages and it's even higher. It's not like monogamy has a great batting average
My opinion is that most of what passes for polyamory is really just "monogamy lite." It's often extremely hierarchical, with the "primary couple" having veto power over each other's "secondary" relationships. It should come as no surprise that relationships built on such an unequal power dynamic often crumble under the weight of somebody's fears and insecurities within a few weeks or months.
I realize swinging is even more couple-centric and hierarchical, but at least it's explicit and open about it rather than trying to foster an illusion of equality that doesn't really exist in practice..
“ To this day she still swears she is poly even after the disastrous ending.”
That’s because poly wasn’t the problem.
Three out of four “monogamous” marriages fail, but for some reason no one questions whether monogamy is the cause of all of those divorces.
Agree, Had a friend in a polycube. Hubby started spending more time with GF than wife. Wife's BF always had the open pass to do whatever. He found his HS crush and said goodbye. The wife was completely out, BF and hubby had found someone else. She was completely heartbroken left with no real relationship other than some FWBs who only wanted her around when the physical urge struck. To this day she still swears she is poly even after the disastrous ending. I said to her, neither of the men were getting your full attention and they both gravitated to someone who was giving them their full attention.
“ People can barely handle monogamous relationships”
Maybe because human beings were never supposed to be monogamous. If we look at the whole of human history, polygamy and non-consensual nonmonogamy are the most common forms of marriage. Monogamy is a fairly recent invention in human culture, and it clearly has a rocky history.
Of course the poly is the part that breaks up the poly relationship. People can barely handle monogamous relationships, and they want to make it work with more than one person? Pfft.
Nothing Gold Can Stay
Robert Frost
Ya, I disagree and not for me but we have friends that have a 5 way thing for over 15 years. This is HIM, my first marriage lasted 10yr and they still have a blast at our parties...
"but NOT sexually"
when our poly relationship ended (long before we knew it had a name) it did not end badly. It ended because the other couple had issues of their own. We did not stay friends with her, but we are still in contact with him, but sexually.
When a poly or ENM relationship fails, people invariably blame ENM. But when monogamous couples break up, people rarely blame monogamy and all the pitfalls associated with monogamy.
Nothing lasts forever. With that being said, I have seen poly relationships last for many years while others only last a short time. People evolve that is natural, but that doesn't mean a poly relationship always ends in a bad way.
When an existing couple brings others into their established relationship, there is going to be an inevitable imbalance. Unless that imbalance is something everyone EVERY ONE is GENUINELY comfortable with, there will always be tension.
And those are the ones willing to admit it.
And Funly, that's normal for any relationship, not just poly relationships.
"Infidelity rates vary widely based on the demographic being surveyed. According to estimates based on married couples, approximately 25% of men admit to cheating on their spouse at some point, while around 15% of women admit to the same. Another study found that up to 4% of married individuals had cheated on their spouse in the past year. Cheating statistics generally increase when marriage is taken out of the equation, though. According to a study published in 1999, researchers found that 75% of male and 68% of female college students admitted to cheating. "
I must say our poly relationship didn't end (badly (grammar), bad. It just ended. No one was butt hurt we just decided our end goals weren't the same. We are still very good friends with the male.
I was in a long term poly relationship (14 years) that only ended when one moved to California. She and I are still great friends but no longer in a relationship.
You only hear about the bad stories, the happy ones aren't out bragging about it.
