I'd imagine a majority of the notes are actually like.... I'm/We're new here. How's it going? Want to talk and meet?
If you're you're sending notes like, The wife has nice tits, wanna fuck?
You shouldn't be surprised about no responses.
Even in swinger clubs or pick up bars, you need to have social decor.
"It is more like passing a 10 story building and you hear a noise. You look up and there is some guy yelling.
You realize he is yelling at you. Pleasantly, "Hey, How's it going!"
"Wanna fuck?"
Would you engage then?"
Nope. On the other hand, if he was yelling, "Hold my beer and watch this." I probably would.
Watch I mean. I ain't going up 10 floors to hold someone's beer. Probably have a better overall view from the street anyway.
Besides, I'm straight. Says so in the profile.
Passing someone in the street is not what we are talking about here.
It is more like passing a 10 story building and you hear a noise. You look up and there is some guy yelling.
You realize he is yelling at you. Pleasantly, "Hey, How's it going!"
"Wanna fuck?"
Would you engage then?
<p>"If<span style="color:rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:tahoma,verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:14px"> you say hello to everyone you see in public, do you feel they owe you a "hello" in return?"</span></p>
<p><font color="#000000" face="tahoma, verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="caret-color:rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size:14px">I do not feel they owe me a response, but I do expect a response. A response is normal, social behavior. I've always gotten a response. When I walk in my neighborhood, I usually say, "Hi" as I pass someone. They always say, "Hi" back to me or at least give me a nod to acknowledge my comment. </span></font></p>
<p><span style="color:rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:open sans,sans-serif; font-size:14px">"No response is a response until you get a response"</span></p>
<p>Great answer! </p>
I shall not entertain comparing singular word to a well thought out introduction nor the fact the strangers on the street are not in a commonplace of interest, but yes, I would return a response to be nice and respectful, unlike what happens in this lifestyle community where a common interest should make us closer together.
~Allen
" If you say hello to everyone you see in public, do you feel they owe you a "hello" in return?"
I typically don't ignore people who say hello in-person, unless I think they are panhandling or trying to get me to attend a timeshare presentation. Maybe it's my small town West Coast upbringing.
why are we all here then ?
Human lifestyle connection, maybe leading to sex. Maybe not. But not everyone wants to suck, fuck or lick anything with a pulse.
Stick around long enough and you will get a sufficient number of messages that you could fill a convention hall with the people that sent them. Could you fuck them all? Sure. Would you want to? Debatable.
I'd probably need intense therapy and a few rounds of antibiotics. The dude from nyc who wanted me to be hi personal slut slave and send me off with strangers of his choosing wearing slutwear of his choosing. Then come back to him after being thoroughly fucked and tell him alllll about it. The whole idea was vomitous. Might be for some, but yikes! That vast majority of people who message me are way outside of what I'm obviously looking for. Why should I, or anyone, fuck what doesn't interest them just to "shit or get off the pot" most of my sls dates were a disaster of epic midget parade proportions.
No response is a response until you get a response, love it!
If you say hello to everyone you see in public, do you feel they owe you a "hello" in return?
Nobody is obligated to speak to anyone in public or online.
Even if you buy someone a drink, they're not obligated to hold a conversation with you.
I'm all for thread derails, but what does meeting people have to do with Wayne's question?
Stick around long enough and you will get a sufficient number of messages that you could fill a convention hall with the people that sent them. Could you fuck them all? Sure. Would you want to? Debatable.
"Time is irrelevant, and if you put your life on hold for a response, then you're lame."
Lame for waiting on someone without enough respect to acknowledge that someone took time out of their day to sit down, compose a nice letter of interest in an attempt to reach out and lame for expecting someone to have enough conviction to accept or decline.
~Allen
No response is a response, until there is a response, then that is the response. Time is irrelevant, and if you put your life on hold for a response, then you're lame.
Send your message, then don't worry about it.
I'm with goodgolly. Asking for pertinent help/info, I'll answer. Token effort, yup.
Not even close to what my profile indicates what we're looking for and a lazy message, nope. A "token effort" gets a canned response of "I don't think we're a good fit and not what we're looking for, but good luck finding fun out there."
No one is entitled to a response and if you put your life on hold, you need to reevaluate your approach to the lifestyle.
...at first, I thought you meant right about the youporn...
BT
TBR, I have to admit, I might have put my life on hold a time or two for Youporn.
BT
"How long does one have to put their life on hold waiting to see if there is a response before they move on?"
If you are putting your life on hold based on this website, you need to get one.
A life, not a website...
"I've had nice convos completely unrelated to swinging on this site a number of times."
Somewhere between a quarter and a third of my messages are from people asking for help with their profile and maybe a quarter are from other forum posters. Those get a response as soon as I see them and I enjoy those conversations. Of the rest, I usually answer anyone who makes even a token effort, but I don't believe they're entitled to a response.
Wayne registers at about negative 7-9% on the sense of humor scale.
Forget it as soon as you send it and you will be pleasantly surprised if they get back to you later.
All this being said, I can't help but notice everyone seems to be operating in the assumption every message is an invitation into the bedroom that needs a yes or no (even if through silence).
I've had nice convos completely unrelated to swinging on this site a number of times.
High expectations (we look compatible based on profiles... “who wouldn’t want to play with me/us?”...and “I’m/we’re ready/ free now, you must be too.” = High Disappointment
Low expectations (we look compatible based on profiles, I’ll send a note and maybe I’ll get a response.) = Low disappointment
No expectations (I’ll send a note, but might not get a response and that’s ok) = No disappointment
If you’re swinging for validation and you’ve wrapped your sense of self-worth/ego up in this in any way, it will surely lead to disappointment.
So, no response is a response even before I’ve drafted a message.
BT
"How long does one have to put their life on hold waiting to see if there is a response before they move on?"
Not a single nanosecond.
I don't understand why this has to be explained, but you never put your life on hold waiting for a response from anyone. You've identified a profile that interests you and you think might be a good fit? Great. Write a quick message expressing your interest and then let it go, because the other party may or may not feel the same. If they do, you'll hear from them one of these days. And then maybe you'll meet and maybe you won't. Maybe after you'll play, and maybe you won't.
If any of that bothers you, then don't bother with on-line interactions.
<p>So this complaint comes up in the forums all the time. Some believe you should respond to all messages and some do not. For those of you that believe that a no-response is a response, at what point does that become true?</p>
<ul>
<li>Half a second after you sent the message?</li>
<li>Half a day afterwards?</li>
<li>A week?</li>
<li>A month?</li>
<li>A year?</li>
</ul>
<p>How long does one have to put their life on hold waiting to see if there is a response before they move on?</p>
<p>A while back, I came across a profile that responded to a message that was sent to them over 600 days ago. Their response was:</p>
<p>"Hey guys, sorry for the delay. Are you still interested?"</p>
