We recently screwed up on a date due to a misunderstanding about about the impact of weather on our proposed date.
We offered sincere apologies, with a detailed explanation of why we made the error, and expressed our desire to make it right.
We hope that we've been forgiven, and we will pick up the tab. Fingers crossed.
Yep folks.. like we have said many times.. many fakes , flakes, time wasters on SLS!
These last 2 prove our exact point!
Had a couple contact over 2 weeks ago. Young 40s
They were coming to Gatlinburg for a few days. Rented a cabin with a hot tub. Daily Kik messages about us playing what they were looking for. Hot pics of the wife riding his cock and her playing with her vibrator. All setup to meet last night. 30 mins before we are to meet I get a message they had a chat and don't think they are ready for the lifestyle. Are you kidding.
Well. Here’s one. We posted a hot date (if you know how this works they are date specific, right?). We get a message expressing interest, and the message (as composed by the other party eluded they wanted to meet). Okay. We’ve been around long enough to not take responses serious because people will spam everyone to see what “better” options they have (like shopping for cars). Anyway, early evening we get a message they had a long day, tired, etc but they were around the rest of the week (out of towners visiting). At that point, we just got tired of the bullshit that leads to our long profile. Technology. A simple earlier message, an exchange of numbers and a text would have been fine early on so our day wasn’t wasted. We don’t make commitments we can’t keep. But, some people seem to think the world evolves around them. Our guess was that the wife probably had no idea what he was doing. Secondly, why even respond to a hot date if it doesn’t fit your schedule for the date posted. Does anyone care you’re in town for a week? That info can be made known via direct messaging. So, we probably dodged a bullet. More so, if people can’t show respect, then it’s not worth it-at all.
Ill go one better we went to the wrong restaurant an hour away. I did not confirm the address with the other couple, before heading out. I offered to buy dinner the next time we met, never happened. Win some lose some ..... This happened to us twice, so from now onI will confirm the address before heading out..
There is no excuse whether vanilla or LS.. with technology today, there is no excuse short of an accident or plane crash that would limit you from contacting them and letting them know. In my world, I prefer a call. But if you plan something with us and don’t follow through with the meeting or communication why, Don’t bother with a a later excuse. We prefer honesty, if you just changed your mind, we get it. We have met with people even during the meeting have been honest if we just weren’t feeling it for whatever reason. Have had the same from the other participants as well.. it’s life.. be real..
As a person who has been in the lifestyle since the mid 90s . . .
Take what the other couple said about the other couple with a serious grain of salt.
Finding a four way connection is really hard. Now, expecting that there be, in essence, a six way type of connection? Good luck.
Not everyone gets along with everyone. Not everyone is everyone's cup of tea. All you know is what the other couple told you. For all you know, the couple you are 'dodging' a bullet from may not like the other couple (advice givers) as well.
You are being extremely vague on expectations and preferences. Again, as someone with lots of experience, that is never wise. You do not have to treat this like you are ordering a hooker, but you should be able to have adult explicit conversations about expectations and preferences. If you wait until the last minute to do that, all you are doing is wasting your and others' time. You are building up an expectation just to have that balloon popped.
Looking at your profile, you proclaim to have a preference for soft-swap. Ok. Did you tell the other people that you ARE NOT a full swap or that it is just a preference? That is a big difference.
Good luck dipping your toes into this water. Some dip their toes and fail. Some jump in the deep end and fail. Conversely, some, regardless of how they get into stay in it and enjoy it.
After telling my story in person to a couple that has much more experience in LS, I added a small piece of information that I left out of my post because it could identify A party. Sure enough, they were able to identify the other party and said that we had dodged a bullet, some of A party's preferences do not align with ours.
Over-all a good result.
Thank you for all your support and advice.
No guarantee on the fix. We would simply tell the truth--you had a specific family emergency and lost track of people and time. If you have a photo of the bath disaster (maybe your daughter sent you one) we would include it in a note. As others have suggested, we might send a gift certificate for four for the restaurant that you missed. That puts the ball in their court; they can invite another couple or they can invite you. But either way, you will be remembered for screwing up...and then doing something classy to make amends.
Food for thought too...
I use the notes function on profiles. I use it for those that I have no interest in, those that are not interested or offered no response to my message and those that I am interested in. I use those notes to not open those profiles that I am not interested in, when I see them online. I use the notes to remind myself of my thoughts if that profile, if I come across that profile, while the user(s) are not online.
If "Couple A" was met through here, they may put a note on your profile about their thoughts. If their thoughts is of a negative, they may not respond. All you can do is explain everything, without making a saga, and hope Couple A responds.
Let us add.. if one doesn't have the decency to call or text to at least give us the courtesy .. then lets be honest it speaks volumes and yes we understand family first .. but manners swinging and a simple text account for many things swinging and in vanilla life to.
Its just the right thing to do in any setting... and one should not have to be told to do those things. .
"Ya I'd say give it a shot to fix it but I wouldn't hold my breath."
That. ^^
My ability to tell the difference between a well crafted bullshit excuse and the truth is near zero, so I'm also a one strike and you're out person.
I would offer to buy the couple dinner though, as EA suggests, in apology for your series of errors. Also, please, do not excuse yourself by telling them "family first," if you'd like even a small chance of them saying yes.
At the very least treat this as a learning experience to create contacts on your phone that are not at all ambiguous - perhaps for swinger friends you should append their screen name to however much of their real name that you know.
But even if this couple laughs about your texting with another couple thinking it was them, they may not be so forgiving about you not texting or calling to cancel or postpone when the plumbing disaster occured.
"Ya I'd say give it a shot to fix it but I wouldn't hold my breath."
Ya, this is the path forward in that particular situation. Shit happens to all of us, but all are not forgiving when it does happen.
Ya I'd say give it a shot to fix it but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Whatever happens, don't be to hard on yourself or the other cpl. Unfortunately this site and this lifestyle in general is slammed full of flakes and time wasters. People (like me and Tracy) have gotten to the point of "1 strike you're out". Been fucked over way to many times to mess around spending any time on bullshit promises.
The liars and fakes in this lifestyle have made it hard for the legit cpls.
That is primarily why we do 95% of our swinging at parties or campgrounds. You are face to face which makes it really hard to bullshit people.
As others have mentioned . . . can you recover? It is up to the others, not you.
We throw parties and we tell people that if they say yes, we expect them there. If they don't show, that's fine, we will just never ever invite them again. We tell them that we use it as a means to avoid the people that are looking for the bigger/better deal. People have seen us actually do that. Yes, we have told people that didn't show up that called after the party to see if they can get invites to the next party. We told them NO.
Because of that rule, we have people who are honest. One time we had a SM we invited. He called a few days beforehand and said he may not make it. He is a fireman who was on call to go to a fire in NorCal. Another time, a couple had stopped by a CVS on the way to the party. The woman slipped and broke her ankle in the store. The guy texted me a picture of her in the hospital. Another time a couple got in an accident on the way there. They texted a picture of the accident.
Why did I mention all of that? Because those three were invited in the future. They acted like adults. They didn't treat us as a club.
Now how do you handle these people where YOU messed up? Be honest. Tell them what happened, but do not do it via text. Do it via voice. Then offer to take THEM OUT to dinner. All you can do is act like an adult, apologize and move forward. If they can't understand or get over it, then well . . . that is on them.
It seems odd that you didn't know who you were texting.
Calling or texting "couple A" when you were on your way to help your daughter would have been the proper thing to do. Look at the situation from their perspective and ask yourself how you would react to being stood up.
At this point all you can do is offer an explanation and apologize. If you don't get a response then move on.
All you can do is send an explanation to the couple, without going in to specifics. Offer to show pictures, receipts, screenshots, etc. of your mistake and your daughter's mishap. If there is no response at all or a response saying no thanks, then consider that bridge burned.
From personal experience, I've burned bridges from having too many irons in the fire and trying to please too many people at one shot. I have lost vanilla people from my life and potential lifestyle people from my life because of burning the candle at both ends. It took having a girlfriend walking out on my a week before my fortieth birthday, losing two jobs the following year and finding out about a life long health issue four years later (this year,) to finally put all aside and focus on myself. Physically and mentally, I am better than I was and now have two high profile job prospects.
My offer of advice: If as a couple you've got too many irons in the fire and/or burning the candle at both ends, take a step back and reevaluate what is important in your lives.
We agree.. honesty is best policy and yes things do happen especially in area you are from in winter.. but not knowing who you are talking to .... Hmm different screen names right?
Several times we too have been burned with meets, hotel rooms ,etc. We learned from our mistakes and most times do not go ask them back to play.. many fish in our sea of 30 plus years swinging!
That is entirely up to the other couple, and whether they believe you and are forgiving, or think you are full of crap.
Not likely unless that couple is forgiving. We wouldn't reply to you most likely.
We screwed up yesterday and we don’t know how to fix it.
A short time ago we started a conversation with A couple and had made arrangements to meet at a local restaurant Wednesday at 5:30. At 2:24 we got a text from a different couple asking how it’s going? We replied that we are waiting to meet at 5:30 restaurant. We continued the conversation with other banter, then I sent a message “Does this change today?”. All this time we thought we were speaking to A couple and that our meeting was being canceled. During this time period several other things that needed to happen were happening at the same time, so my attention was being divided by several things.
At 4:30 our daughter called with an emergency plumbing issue, the bathtub drainpipe failed, and a full bathtub of water was in her basement. Dad to the rescue. While my hands were full of pipe and gunk, I get a text and phone call at 5:20, I pass on both. It was A couple saying the restaurant was closed and wondering where we were. Several minutes later, well past meet time I have the opportunity to look and take the time to decipher what happened. We missed a meeting, one that we were really looking forward to. We called and text to apologize for missing a meeting we mistakenly thought was canceled, but all fell on deaf ears. We really feel bad.
The mistake of thinking the meeting was canceled is really a semi-moot point because family comes first in our book, but we would have reached out to A couple explaining the situation and tried to reschedule.
Is there a way to recover from this?
