Social Clique

"We are finding out that when you go to the clubs, or parties that there are these social "cliques" of couples. Usually the same couples always in their own group."

Welcome to literally every club ever. Doesn't matter if it's a lifestyle club, a vanilla club, or a book club. Large groups of people in the same space will always break off into smaller groups. It's what we do and it's never going to change without some drastic mutation to our brains.

"How to you break that mold to introduce yourself to others? When you just impose you can get some dirty looks too. What are good ways to introduce yourself to that "Clique" and keep their attention long enough to see if you might have chemistry?"

Are you trying to infiltrate the entire clique and become one of the pack? Or are you trying to get the attention of a particular person/couple? If you want in the group as a whole, then you just need to show up regularly so that you're at least recognizable to (most of) them. Maybe walk by and engage with some small talk or a quick compliment like "Hey, I love that dress you're wearing." or "Nice cock." If they reply with a simple Thank You and then resume engaging with the group, that's your cue to walk away. Don't stand there and linger for 5 minutes being awkwardly silent.

But if you've got your eye on a specific person/couple, then the best thing to do would be to wait until they are away from the group. They're going to go to the bar eventually. Go stand next to them while they wait and say Hi and try to strike up a conversation there. You'll be more at ease because you won't feel like you're trying to move in on a group and your target will have the opportunity to focus solely on you (if they're interested) rather than trying to engage with you along with the group. If things go well, maybe they invite you over to their corner and introduce you to everyone else. And if they don't go well......well, at least you're standing at the bar. Might as well have another drink.

T

I really don't want to invalidate anyone's feeling of being shut out - I know there are petty people in the world and that groups can have an intentional keep out vibe - but I've noticed sometimes that what looks like a closed group is really a collection of people who lack imagination, are shy and glad to just sit with familiar folks, and the unobservant.

The hosts of my home meet and greet are themselves shy, but go out of their way to include others, particularly new people. It's a friendly group, in large part because of the example set by the hosts.

I also attend a m&g in a place I travel to frequently. I have no trouble talking to strangers, but this group is just...difficult, even though most of the people individually are great. I usually post a Hot Date and bringing in my own small group of three is usually enough to change the vibe and attract others.

In the second case, there aren't enough members of the (fairly large) group who are connectors, so it looks and feels cliquish. It's not actually on purpose, though.

Ooohhh this is one of our favorite battlegrounds...we hate cliques, and they exist even on this site, look around you'll see them. Anyway, the fact is that there's two types of people in social settings. Type one needs to have a "shield" of people around them to be comfortable in crowds, type two needs nothing and can be comfortable by themselves in a crowd without looking lost. Be the second type and you'll have way more fun. We have a quote from a deeply stupid movie that we always say to each other when walking into a crowd..."Who are we making jealous tonight?" "Everyone." Point is, fuck the cliques, they just fuck the same people over and over and the idea, for us anyway, is to NOT do that.

We barge right in!

I think it's natural to talk with those that you know and feel comfortable around and a lot of times the nite is late before you realize it. We like to use the socials to socialize, to meet people that we've never met and to greet & speak to our friends, but I'm "that guy", if I see someone that looks uncomfortable or new I make it a point to speak & greet and introduce them to whomever I'm with at the moment. I think it's the polite thing to do, and it breaks the ice for a lot of people that may have left early and had a negative experience. Sometimes my wife says it's not polite to interrupt the people we're with but I've always appreciated it if someone does that for me in a new situation.

And likewise, when we go to a new place I try to make it a point to greet people or introduce myself, if they can't take a moment to act friendly maybe they need to lighten up! To be clear, I'm not talking about being a loud boorish idiot demanding attention, but there's always a way to interject a "have we met? you caught me staring!" or something inane and get to know people. If you just hang out like a wallflower people tend to not see you.

If you feel people are treating you poorly, they are probably not a good match for you...

One of the big difference between the lifestyle and swinging. Swing parties are all about sex and everyone enjoys sex with the new couples. New couples are always welcomed.

Lifestyle parties are more about social and not much about sex so you have the cliques

We have gone to swing clubs for 15+ years and have yet to figure this one out. We have found the best approach is simply to forget about those people who are wrapped up in their own worlds, and instead focus on the few people who are open to new acquaintances. It is amazing though how many emails we have gotten from people over the years who would not give us the time of day in a club, but want to meet privately. I have developed a very special response for them..........it probably would not pass the Welcome Wagon hospitality test.

We have been in the lifestyle for close to a year. We are finding out that when you go to the clubs, or parties that there are these social "cliques" of couples. Usually the same couples always in their own group. I understand that couples need to chit chat and know each other, and you should not impose on others. But when you go to the same club or party and the same couples are always in their own corner. How to you break that mold to introduce yourself to others? When you just impose you can get some dirty looks too.
What are good ways to introduce yourself to that "Clique" and keep their attention long enough to see if you might have chemistry?