Seriously SLS?

Stealing pics?

I think that is going to bite them in the ass.

If they can't do anything but look at profiles, what is the attraction of coming on the site?

Ok. So it's new.

customerservice LQQKNFORU 15-Apr-18 07:20 PM [EST] Subject: New Policy
Free members cannot communicate at all. Paid members can send them messages, but they will not be able to see or reply to the message. If they try, they will get the option to make a payment so they can then see and reply to the message.
CustomerService - Wayne

Swingwhat?

SwingTits?

SwingT***s is the same way. If you’re a free member you can’t see any messages at all. You can’t do much on that site at all if you don’t pay.

"According to customer services, free members cannot communicate in any way. If a paid member sends them mail and they try to respond they will receive a notification that they will have to pay to see it."

If that is true, that is a very recent change. I have messages from free members as recently as 4/2.

According to customer services, free members cannot communicate in any way. If a paid member sends them mail and they try to respond they will receive a notification that they will have to pay to see it. So IMO it makes no sense at all to even look at their profiles. I suppose one could attempt to put in a KIK# or some other way to get around it, but most likely the SLS police would at some point delete it.

I see no advantage at all to be a free member other then to wait until one sees enough paid profiles that they feel a possible connection may be made and then join up for a month and start sending out mail to them.

The problem with justice is color. It’s not a black or white thing. It’s not a red state versus blue state thing. It’s a green thing and as long as we are all kept fighting each other over the other colors, the real criminals are getting away with the green.

Yep. The only argument that might have worked - how would you like it if someone took your stuff and wouldn't it be wrong if they did? - was apparently invalidated by having nothing worth taking. No empathy at all. I broke up with the boy and never talked to any of them again.

currentrider, ugh. My tolerance stops right at consent and equitablility. I am deeply squeamish about even discussing it theoretically.

Also, those poor put upon future serial offender lacked empathy, which is probably the biggest difference between you and them.

Indifference to the "wrongness" of a crime can be based in moral relativism. E.g.: "Well, Wall street steals too. So what?" I am more concerned with the possibility that young people might be legitimately confused by the amorality exhibited in our society. For example, how do you explain that burglary (a type of theft) is fundamentally wrong when banking, the largest industry in our country, engages in plain fraud on a massive scale (i.e. selling loans they know to be fraudulent, combining them into securities they know, at some point, to be worthless, selling instruments which make money by betting against the validity of the original securities, buying ratings that ratings companies know are fraudulent, and in the process destroying jobs and retirement savings) and virtually no one is held legally accountable? Is it moral relativism when someone is angry hat a bookkeeper who embezzles a few hundred thousand dollars gets jail time while a Wall Street banker who embezzles billions through fraud isn't prosecuted? Or is that anger based on justifiable confusion? Ditto in the drug dealer analogy, when white kids selling flake cocaine get one sentence and brown kids selling crack get another, three times as long. Or Meth dealers are treated as scum (they are) and jailed (good riddance) while white collar drug manufacturers, who stand idly by feigning ignorance (as if) while more OxyContin is sold into one West Virginia town of population 1,200 than into all of North Carolina are merely asked to testify before Congress.

The question of whether this country gives a shit about justice is, I think, an important and open one. Barring an affirmative conclusion on that point, I think the questions about right and wrong may be pointless.

Oh shit, that really needs some clarity.

I realize that the natural followup would be that a rape fantasy involves a victim. My point about that is that the common female rape fantasy doesn't involve a victim. That's precisely what separates it from the reality of an actual rape.

Tramp

(I knew I should have shut up when I said I would. Now I'm even sounding ridiculous to myself.)

I would classify such fantasies as both problematic and disturbing.

The reason I would is that there lacks an absence of victims. Any fantasy or actual conduct that creates or involves the use of victims is disturbing to me.

Tramp

I think you risk being banned from the fora for even participating in such a discussion here.

I get uncomfortable when people here recall their own pre-18 sexual experiences, beyond purely technical aspects such as "I lost my virginity when I was 16".

So just to pull a few more peoples levers (as Ringo said in Yellow Submarine "I can't help it. I'm a born Leverpuller") would anyone like to chime in on fantasies about underage partners? Just harmless kink, or unacceptably creepy?

Well to the overarching point - understanding that something is "criminal" vs understanding that it's "wrong" are not the same thing.

Of course, there are instances where we would likely agree that "criminal" and "wrong" do not always overlap cleanly. In some cases not at all.

Wait a second....

Did you just say that you spoke to teenagers who maintained that burglary is OK? While indifference to the "wrongness" of crime such as burglary doesn't surprise me, actually believing that there is nothing wrong about it does.

Interesting thread.

I can accept women's fantasies about rape because, as has been pointed out, they are safe for the women. I still find the idea of men enjoying such fantasies as a red flag, because of what it suggests about what might be going on in the man's head.

I'm not sure the "experts" necessarily have all the answers or that the science is fully evolved. For example, some people suggest that fantasies are pretty much fine as long as they are recognized as fantasies (I.e. If your husband wants you to dress up as little Bo
Peep, do it. Ditto if he wants you to dress up as one of her sheep). Others suggest that belief in rape fantasies or "rape myths" are dangerous. But regarding the latter, I wonder how much justification there is in conflating fantasy with myth and myth with culture.

When I read the NYT article GGMM referred to, the bit about men being rejected in High School struck me as bullshit. How many men don't get rejected to some degree in high school (adolescence)? How does the experience form them? I don't recall feeling entitled or unjustly cheated out of my due. I do recall feeling insecure about my ability to be successful with women. I also recall thinking of some girls as sluts and deriding them for it. I now fully recognize that my insecurity was well justified by my absolute and total lack of game, and that my slut shaming was rooted in the same issue: Namely that I was pretending to be annoyed with those girls for fucking lots of guys "indiscriminately" when actually I was annoyed with them for discriminating against me for being a dweeb. Ironic of course that these self confident and sexually empowered independent thinking women are now the type of women I seek out as friends. Obviously my adolescent confusion did not translate into anything resembling a rape culture mentality on this point.

I don't think I understand fantasy as a motivator. I do have a standard issue rape fantasy, but otherwise nothing. So I really have no clue as to how it gets people to swing or whether people are hiding deep, dark fantasies. I'm supportive of anything that doesn't involve lack of consent, though.

To Tramp's departing back...

The work of those accomplished professionals is not invalidated by new research. it's just that there are tantalizing indications that what we think we know based on their years of work is not correct over all populations of serial rapists. That's valuable.

va, I agree in some cases - my brothers had some pretzel logic to justify being drug dealers - and not in others. I once spent over an hour trying to explain to other teenagers why burglary was wrong. It was a pointless waste of everyone's time.

“Fantasies that they are so embarrassed or ashamed of that they could never possibly tell anyone at all.”

Isn’t that why many ask for ‘discretion’ and don’t post face pics? Most of us in here are living the fantasies of many, we chose to act out on them. Others don’t. Doesn't make us any better or worse. Besides aren’t we all ‘open minded’?

" Your fantasy is not my fantasy, my fantasies are not yours."

While this is another can of worms entirely, I believe a lot of people have fantasies that they would never share with anyone under any circumstances. Fantasies that they are so embarrassed or ashamed of that they could never possibly tell anyone at all. Even an anonymous survey.

"PS: Tramp, for now I think the whole seperate room thing is weird, it’s not our thing but I understand it."

Thanks for sharing that.

Tramp

There are many who enter the lifestyle because of fantasy, that hot pillow talk that gets their juices flowing. Then they have their ‘big bang’ (no pun intended) moment and they realized that it’s not for them, others want more.
Your fantasy is not my fantasy, my fantasies are not yours. It doesn’t make mine any less than yours. What I have learned so far (at least here on SLS) is that everyone has some thing that others consider ‘weird’. That’s all good and sometimes we all need to get a little ‘weird’. That way we can decide if it’s maybe something we want to get weird with. It’s called growth. I’m ok with it.

PS: Tramp, for now I think the whole seperate room thing is weird, it’s not our thing but I understand it.

OK, so now it's going into circles.

Two things that I'll point out as I leave.

One: The ideas I referenced are not mine. I claim no expertise as either a layperson, practitioner, or scholar in that area. In contrast, those ideas belong to somewhat accomplished men and women who have dedicated their professional lives to that study.

Two: The only contrast that I am attempting (unsuccessfully) to illustrate is that there is a vast difference between fantasies and reality. Often the former are not based on the latter in any real way.

Tramp

Many criminals understand that what they are doing is criminal, but justify it to themselves through convoluted reasoning.

And others who not only continue, but pick up the pace. Hence, serial rapists.

va, I think you're on to something too, but my experience growing up with criminals is that they didn't think of themselves as bad people. They definitely were bad people, they just...didn't extrapolate from the shitty things they did to a negative view of themselves.