Pet Peeves

Color me "not shocked". Just saying you don't have to go out of what is considered to be the US to experience this.

A group of indigenous people who have seen the vast majority of their people killed off and their culture nearly eradicated by white European colonizers don't take kindly to white people moving in on what little turf they still posses and setting up shop for themselves? I'm shocked.

T

Doesn't have to be outside the US. You can experience it being white in certain parts of Hawaii. Heard of a couple that moved into an area normally populated by natives AND tried to open and run a business there.

They were viewed as taking affordable housing and jobs away from the natives. They disappeared and at one point, a body part from one of them washed up on shore. No trace of the other was found.

We never experienced it, but heard from whites that lived there that they were warned to stay in the tourist areas because they were not welcome in certain parts of the island.

GGM

And this is where we disagree. I think you are specifically thinking US and US only. I think you are also specifically thinking white versus black. Again, as I mentioned, try being a white person in Hong Kong. Racism does not know a color. Racism is not always white versus black. If you believe that, then with all due respect, you are being ignorant to the world.

And as to your second point, ok, sure, go ahead, argue against Oxford and Merriam Webster for their definition. Argue against the United Nations definition. But the reality is that these definitions are the basis that every english speaking nation has agreed to. If you want to change it, well, good luck. There are a few billion people who might feel that you are incorrect.

And as a white person, you do not speak for me nor do you know my agenda. You can speak for yourself and that's fine, but please do not lump me into a group without knowing if I even fit in it.

And as to Billnsuzie's comment. I am in partial agreement with them. The word racism or racist is thrown out so quickly and people are using it when it is not accurate, again, by definition. We see it here on this site and in this thread. If I were to put no hispanics on our profile, people would label us racists. Needless to say it is not and the irony would be all the hispanics that we have worked with, lived with, ate with, gone to birthday parties with, lent money with, started businesses with, etc. And as you also mentioned GGM about experience . . . it goes both ways. While I may never know what it's like to be black and have systemic racism against me in the US, you will never know my life experience and what I have been through to let me form my belief structure. As I mentioned, if my ex-wife was in the lifestyle with me, our profile would probably say no blacks. It would not be because of racism. It would be because of her anal rape by a black man that she had to have a lot of therapy over. Forcing her to 'get over it' is pretty judgmental and a power play. Her solution would be simple, not to risk bringing up what happened to her in the past and have her wig out.

In closing, I am not making the definitions of racism. The dictionaries are. I am saying that preferences are fine and exclusion of races is fine. To me, it is not racism because who you decide to have sex with is always a preference. Your criteria for inclusion and exclusion is your criteria and no one should judge it because they have no idea why you include or exclude. Are there some that will exclude due to racist attitudes? Of course. Is it all? I sincerely doubt it.

"No direct experience of the impact of racism. No, there's no such thing as racism against white people"

I can't agree with this. we live in a predominately black neighborhood. It wasn't this way when we moved here. we have been here for 30 years, and now just waiting for retirement before we move out. I have been called poor white trash, and have experienced things that I consider to be racist against us in our neighborhood. while I'm sure it isn't as much as what a lot of black people have experienced, it does happen.

Okay, for the paste eaters in the back of the class, here are two reasons why it's a really poor idea for a white person to decide they know the definition of racism:

1. No direct experience of the impact of racism. No, there's no such thing as racism against white people, because you are not systematically discriminated against. Do not confuse individual bias with systematic same.

1. White people have an agenda that generally includes not wishing to be called racist. Therefore, the definitions white people are likely to come up with for racism will almost inevitably exempt them, no matter how fucking racist they actually are in their own lives.

I'm not going down the path of defining racism and what it means to others. Racism by my own definition however is just stupid.

Sexy comes in every shape, size, color, and age. Actually I think it says something along that line in our profile.

Short, tall, young, old, black, white, fit, curvy, bi, straight. Yes, there are plenty in each category we would love to connect with.

Short, tall, young, old, black, white, fit, curvy, bi, straight. Yes, there are plenty in each category we would not touch with a 10 foot pole.

Everyone has general preferences, but we like or dislike people as individuals, not as a generic group.

As a general statement, in my daily life I like everybody until/unless they give me a reason not to. Why would I think differently about FWBs?

@HOT

Thanks for the civil conversation.

No, I did not mean experience in my previous post. I meant define.

One of the issues that I see is that we, and we being Americans, have a very poor understanding of the world. We somehow equate what happens here to be the same everywhere. While, we, and we again, being American's have a horrendous history of racism against blacks, that is not the same in other places in the world. Now, before some people start to go off, don't equate that you have to have slavery for their to be racism. After slavery in America there is and has been racism.

Racism tends to show up, in essence, as a mob mentality over a minority, across races. It happens in Asia. Ever witness how whites are treated in Hong Kong?

This is why I am stating that any person can recite the definition of racism. That stating is not the exclusive domain of the person who has experienced racism. That person can tell you their experience as well as the definition.

Now in regards to 'no blacks' I disagree with you. Sure, you are entitled to extract out that the person is a racist. My take is that all I know is that they don't want any blacks. I don't know the why and I don't know the depth. As to this site, it is for sex. If someone doesn't want to have sex with others of a different race it does not make them a racist. It is a preference. I'd agree with you that they are a racist if they exclude blacks from every other part of their life. But this is just sex. This is one component and the most personal. I don't see them stating that their race is superior to blacks. If I did, of course, I'd agree with you that they are racist.

Now as to the definition, "Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior." That is Oxford's definition. Merriam's is not much different and does not include anything about intolerance.

But lets look at this in a simple manner. Should you be able to fuck anyone that you want to regardless of their preference? I suspect that you will say NO. How is this different?

That is one of the most absurd things I've ever seen. No hyperbole either. That's a legit hall of famer. I also like that you even go the extra mile in your half baked crackpot idea to still portray the minority player as the initial rules violator. But yeah, "they" play the race card too much. Makes sense. SMDH.

T

I think the term "racist" is beginning to be abused and over used. Soon it may happen that a black guy runs a red light and gets T-boned by a white guy and the white guy is called racist for hitting him.

"PP - A bunch of white people deciding what is and isn't racism"

Well, who do you think created racism?
Euros described ppl by their nationality. They didn't call themselves white.

You were French, British, Russian, Spanish, Italian, German, etc.

Or African, Asian, American, American "Indian", etc.

In America, family or first names that identified a Euro country, could be changed. No one could change their skin.

America created "race" because nationality did not define superiority. If not white, you were 2nd and 3rd Class. Laws were in place for white, black, Native and non-US citizens and diplomats of other countries.

The US Constitution gave rights to white men who owned land, white men without land, white women, and no one of color.

The US Constitution, state Constitutions, local laws and Jim Crow enabled the practice racism. If you're not in power, you can't deny work, housing, education, ownership of land, or make court rulings, etc

Erotic,

Thank you for including the definition of racism in your previous post. Unfortunately, what you quoted was a narrow and incomplete definition. Most reputable definitions include “an intolerance for others based on race”.

You go on to say that “just be cause I say I prefer redheads, doesn’t make me anti-blond”. I agree with that.
If you said “I don’t like blondes”, I would consider you anti-blonde. If you said, “I don’t like blacks” I would say that you were anti-black and a racist.

If someone has a profile which says they will not meet black people, that implies that they are anti-black. Their statements don’t need to be explicit. Subtext is a thing.

Well, once again I went running off to consult my Coleman, er, sorry,... to consult my Webster’s. They have attached some excellent advice to their definition.

“When discussing concepts like racism, therefore, it is prudent to recognize that quoting from a dictionary is unlikely to either mollify or persuade the person with whom one is arguing.”

Erotic,

I’m not sure what you are saying in that last post. You said “a white person can describe racism as much as a black person”

Where you meaning to use the word “experience”?

And the previous comments are fairly ignorant. Yes. Ignorant. A white person can describe racism as much as a black person can or an asian or a latin or . . . There are plenty of places where whites are the minority. We, as a society have agreed to definitions of words. A word is NOT exclusive to a race. It is exclusive to the people who speak that language.

“ PP - A bunch of white people deciding what is and isn't racism.“

FWIW, the “white” guy didn’t call anyone racist and the accusation can be just as tiring as the act of.

PP: The recent onslaught of racial cries throughout the forums about others not making everyone an equal opportunity sex partner.

:rolls eyes:

Carry on.

~Allen

Kinda like a bunch of old white guys deciding what’s best for women and their reproductive systems.

Oh wait, that’s called congress.

~Scamp

Erotica must be off the Kool-Aide. I treat everyone equally, I hate all human beings. I don't like any of them.

Where's the like button?

"PP - A bunch of white people deciding what is and isn't racism."

Exactly

T

PP - A bunch of white people deciding what is and isn't racism.

I mean, carry on, but sweet baby Jesus, it's tiresome.

This is a topic that is often beat up and around. If the person has a preference for black or some race or something else. Somehow, some people will equate that to racism. I think that is so fucked up and wrong. The definition of racism is that a race is superior to another. I do not read the people saying that they will not sell/buy from the person of another race. I do not read the people saying that they will not lend/borrow from the person of another race. I do not read the people saying that they will not talk/eat food with/hang out with people of another race. I just read that they prefer a particular race.

Just because I do not want to have sex with other men does not make me anti-gay.

Just because I prefer tall women, not just sexually, does not make me anti-short.

Just because I prefer red heads does not make me anti-blond, anti-brunette, anti-black hair.

Just because I do not like italian food does not make me anti-italian.

These are all preferences. Telling someone that they have to have sex with someone that they don't want to due to their preferences is seriously fucked up. I'd like to find those people, find the type of people that they do not like and tell them that they have to fuck them. And if you say you'd fuck anyone, you are full of shit.

There is the human race .

"So, if I have a fetish with a certain skin tone and as a lifestyle fantasy, only seek that color that excites me and refuse to entertain people having other skin tones, that would make me a racist........
I’m not sure if I can agree."

People of color have long been marginalized and objectified in our society strictly based on the color of their skin. Having a "black sex fetish' is probably no less objectifying than wanting a black butler or chauffeur. In either case, you are chosing a person to perform a service for you strictly based on the color of their skin.

Now, when it comes to sex, if you only want to fuck people of a particular color (or avoid people of a particular color(s)), who am I to say if it's racist or not? Only you know that in your heart of hearts. But no matter your reason for wanting to include or exclude any race of people, all I can say is that you're probably missing out on meeting some really awesome people and making some great connections.

T

@hotluvrs: Let me get a wrap on this analogy. So, if I have a fetish with a certain skin tone and as a lifestyle fantasy, only seek that color that excites me and refuse to entertain people having other skin tones, that would make me a racist........

I’m not sure if I can agree.

~Allen