Can anyone help us understand?

I ran across this old post and couldn't help but think that a lot of couples at LS parties do the same thing these days. If play happens, it seems more often than not, it is only with the person they went to the party with.

There seems to be a trend where more LSer's are in it mostly for just for the social aspects only. They may play with others once in a blue moon, but they are not going to a party with the intention of playing.

While it may cost less for a couple than an SM, some couples are doing essentially the same thing. As far as the BYOB, if you like to drink, the bar tab at a vanilla bar can easily exceed the cover charge at a LS club, and the LS club at least gives you more options to play if the spririt moves you.

A couple where both like to drink can easily exceed the club cover charge with a vanilla bar tab. Here in NH at least, alcohol is very cheap rellative to what you'd pay for the same thing at a bar. For example, I can buy a whole handle of spiced rum for $9 and a 2L bottle of diet cola for $1, so if I went crazy, that's a night of drinking for me for me. I've been to a number of vanilla bars where a single rum/coke with tip is as much as a handle of spiced rum and 2L bottle of cola.

I would say The answer to your question is "entertainment and/or fun".

Why not if you're a single guy with a good job and you like sex. 8-inch cable might suggest that spending the money on a hooker, escort, or some other sex worker, perhaps saving up to travel to where that's legal, is a better bet. We recently had that debate (in the sports thread of all places). I won't re-hash it here. My take was, essentially, that I prefer the chase. *-inch pointed out that dating is not cheap either.

You're not alone in enjoying play with mostly single guys. My play as a single guy is mostly with couples, many of whom don't play any other way. Though I've been in a committed non-monogamous relationship for six years and overwhelmingly we play as a couple - rarely, but certainly not never, with single guys. I still occasionally go to the club solo, usually as a volunteer and typically just for something to do when my partner is out of town. I would say your observation that single guys, particulary older and less hot single guys, don't get as much attention as a couple, particularly a couple with an attractive female half, is not so much an observation as a rule. Still one thing working in the favor of the some single guys is another observation bordering on a rule: Many guys in the lifestyle, including guys in couples, have zero to very little game, sensuality, flirting ability or personal appeal. My GF calls them "potatoes" based on their starchy stiff and bland lack of appeal. Many of these guys who are in couples would never get laid if it wasn't for their sexy partners.

So, given the odds, many of the single guys you see may be doing better than you think and not "just watching". In fact there is a guy who we call "Mr. Special" for his general Jerry's Kids level of awkwardness, who has been going to our club as long as we have. He's persistent, always polite to a dorky degree and not offensive. We have seen him in the playrooms (unacompanied single guys are not allowed) many times. It happens enough that it always elicits a grin and a slight shake of the head from us. Notable though for sure.

Yea, you can't be a clueless dimwit....

Mid

I can say that I have only been to one party. I was supposed to go with a female friend in the lifestyle, but she had to cancel (family reasons), I went anyway and as you stated, I felt out of place. I sat at the bar, but unlike what you experienced I had a sense I was being checked out by a couple. The couple would occasionally look my way and eventually they disappeared into one the public dimly lit rooms. I eventually left the bar after watching someone being roped and suspended. I stood at the entrance to the public room and the husband had his back to me and was doing his wife with a dildo. She opened her eyes and our eyes met one another, she motioned me to come to them. and we had an awesome time.

It is what you make it and as the previous poster said, people come for difference reasons. I do prefer meeting couples and single women from SLS. It is far more intense sexually when a connection is made and is my preference over parties etc...

Some guys are first timers and curious.....I have rarely seen guys just sit at a bar all eve if ever....I was sitting on a couch at a swing club and a young lady in a wedding dress wanted me to fuck her....I think I did, can't remember, I did eat her pussy...

The answer is that everyone enjoys the lifestyle in their own way. Some folks go to enjoy the atmosphere, but aren't interested in playing with others at all. Some are passive and prefer to let others approach them. Some are newbies who just want to barely dip their toes in before deciding if it's for them. We're all different, and thank Dog we are so. It means that the folks that want to play like you do can enjoy themselves, and the non-players can enjoy themselves too, if in a different way.

In short, if they aren't playing or interacting with others, then they kinda don't matter, and you can cheerfully ignore them. Sounds harsh, but they have to make their own journey through the lifestyle.

Jean and I have been in the lifestyle for only a little more than 3 years. That does NOT make us experts by any stretch of the imagination. So, I ask all our experienced and more prolific fellow swingers to help us understand something.

I know the lifestyle can be difficult for single men. Last year, while Jean was traveling, I visited a new local club as a single male, (with her knowledge and approval). I felt so out of place...like a fifth wheel. It wasn't because anyone treated me that way. In fact, everyone was wonderful and made me feel welcomed. I just couldn't bring myself to approach anyone. I was hoping someone would approach me. But not being a hunk, you can guess that did not happen.

Anyway...the vast majority of hookups we have had over our short lifestyle span have been with single men. In fact, that's our favorite kind of hookup. A couple of Jean's current fuck buddies have come from those type of hookups. Seldom have we hooked up with other couples...we have, but seldom.

Here's my question. As a single male, why would you fork out loads of cash just to sit and watch? A club she and I frequent about once a month, of course has regulars. We have noticed that it seems the same single men go there all the time. We have become friends with the owners, and they tell us that some men not only go there every Saturday but also some Fridays.

Now, these same men come, BRING THEIR OWN BOOZE, and spend something like $80-$100 to get in. They sit at the bar and talk to one another...look around...drink. They never leave the bar. Why would someone pay $80-$100, to sit and drink your OWN booze, and just watch?

They could easily go to some neighborhood bar and drink someone else's liquor for MUCH less money than they spent to sit, drink their own booze, and watch. If they did this, when they got home, they'd be much richer AND have plenty of their own booze at home. Here, they spend a lot of money, drink their own stuff, and go home and jack off for having watched the naked women...WTF?

We have noticed that even some couples are there every time we go and they never play...never leave their tables. We don't understand. We go there to FUCK! We go there for the sexual excitement. If we don't hook up, we at least play with the door open so we can be watched. And most every time, we end up with other play mates who come in to join us.

What on EARTH can be the attraction to come, spend a great deal of money, deplete your own supply of liquor, sit and do nothing, and go home to jack off all by your lonesome? We're sure there's an explanation...anyone?...anyone?