Resources to up your game

@Curious

While I am not sure if all women will take a massage, I do know that a lot of women will take one. There are a couple of people who are masseurs that offer to give my wife a massage. The issue becomes is that the massage is so good, that she doesn't want to have sex. She just wants to enjoy the la-la land that the massage put her in. Because of that, I try not to massage, but caress. :)

And yes, we do agree. The biggest sexual organ is the mind.

@eroticamazon: I like your style :)
I am one of those men who really cherishes my time with a new woman. It does something to my brain that turns my creative juices on. I believe in taking the time to relax her nerves, seduce her with sensuality and have her believe in her own sexual powers. I mentioned earlier here the power of sensual massages (and got dissed for it.) I have yet to meet a woman who turned my massage down. In fact I get women contact me for the massage part and to which I turn down unless it is a foreplay. Bottom line, women desire (need?) the attention paid to them sexually. My most memorable sexual experience was with a 6' 1" blonde. We built up attraction over few hours of dinning out and walking the streets in Denver. Nothing sexual took place till the last hour of the date, and everything was a build up. The highlight of the date was when she got so turned on and grabbed me by my shirt and kissed passionately in the street. Few onlookers found it very sexy and took pictures. (It is under my Shea cert)
My point is supporting yours, the brain is our biggest sexual organ and I try my best to keep my organ sharp.

RE:Erotical, Most women out there would be happy to have a man with a 2 inch dick if the have good oral and verbal skills....

Just like everyone else, But a lady in a white top braless is sure my cup of tea...

You may not be everyone's cup of tea, but you are someone's :) That's all that matters anyways.

My techniques may not work for many....LOL....

@Mayhem

"This thread sort of blends with another about SMs that don't get that most women think differently than men. Even worse off are those that can't understand why EVERYONE doesn't think like them."

That's so true . . . I also think it applies, like you mentioned, to everything. Recently, I was talking to someone about something. They touted out some easily proven/disproven statement. I said, "I think you are wrong, it is this value." Their response . . . "I am an idiot." Instead of going off on the other person, I just chalked it up to that they didn't know. I didn't know that they were an idiot, I just knew that they didn't know.

So when I see threads discussing how people should ___ with another person, I often think that they need to work on communicating before judging. Rash and harsh disparagement against another is a sign, imo, of an insecure person. You never know why they are the way they are. You just know the moment that they are that way. That's why I do not begrudge anyone who is into ____ or doesn't want pictures or requires ____ or are playing _____. I don't know their life, I don't know their situation, I just know what they tell me and the moment.

So back to the OP . . .

I am all for learning techniques to up the game. I think it's great that your goal is to be a better lover. I just think it's foolish to think that every woman likes the same techniques and every woman is looking for the same thing. We are human, not machines. And this may be a very weird suggestion, but if you really want to be a better lover read this book. "How to win friends and influence people," by Dale Carnegie. It's close to 90 years old. It will teach you how to interact with people to get what you want. It will probably make you a better lover in the long run if you follow the advice it gives. And the irony is that there is NO talk of sex in the book.

This thread sort of blends with another about SMs that don't get that most women think differently than men. Even worse off are those that can't understand why EVERYONE doesn't think like them.

I was somewhat fortunate to have grown up in corporate jobs that offered training to help people understand differences in the way people think. Myers-Briggs is one example of many. The idea in companies offering them is that it would help you work better with your co-workers. The learning can be applied to relationships of any kind though, and definitely falls under "resources to up your game".

Thanks Mayhem.

"There will be times where everything just clicks with little to no communication, but that is probably as much luck as it is skill ;-)" That is so friggin true.

I was recently with a woman who brought up something interesting. One of the techniques that I do and honestly, it is mainly self-centered is before things start, we are laying down naked on the bed . . . I will be on my side looking at the woman on her side. I will caress her and TALK to her. This will be anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes. The caress will be outer thighs, calves, feet, side body, back, back of neck, shoulders. We will talk about anything. It could be what's going on in her life. What she thinks of the party. Generally anything but SEX. Then a little bit into the conversation, my hand will move to other spots on her body. I may cup her butt and squeeze softly. I may slowly brush up against her breast. I may interrupt the conversation and put my hand behind her neck and kiss her. Then I will start to tell her how awesome she feels and how awesome it is to be with her. Generally, within 10 minutes of this, I will move my hand to her pussy. I have never, after doing this, run into a dry one. At that point, some pussy licking is incoming. Back to the woman I was with recently . . . she said, "You don't know how different this is and how much I really like it. It's why I like to be with you." This was our ~5th time together. Afterwords she said something that was awesome and had my head swelled from ego. She said, "I know you come down to LA a lot. Whenever you come down, call me. Let's hookup. I rarely play with men alone, but I will with you and my husband is ok with it. He likes you and likes how you treat me." Woo hoo! I get to see her about 2 times a month now. This is awesome.

So the tl;dr version of that . . .

The biggest sexual organ is not your genitals. It's your brain. If you can use your brain to get the other aroused, the size of your dick, the size of your tits, the hardness of your dick, the tightness of your pussy, etc. all pretty much become moot. Now, of course, if you have a 2 inch dick , all bets are off :)

Well, we watched a bit of OMG Yes videos, mostly about masturbation and some couples techniques.
They are very nicely done, in 2-3 min chunks, and the girls demonstrate what they like.

(one thing I will say that most of these women would stick out like sore thumbs at LS events. Some countries, most notably Brazil, have made wonderful advances in femscaping...)

While my wife didn't think any of those videos were earth shattering, I liked them. And while I haven't applied many of the techniques learned, it made me more attentive to my lover, which resulted in greater satisfaction judging from outward signs. So that's a positive!

@EA - Good points. Another classic is that some women actually enjoy being pounded long and hard, and others actually have it in their profile that doing that is a big turn off to them.

The best you can hope for is to find out from the woman you're playing with what SHE likes/wants, and as EA mentioned, that is not a one-time conversation because what they like/want one day can be different the next. Hell, it can even change mid-stream within minutes. Verbal and non-verbal communication is the only way to know, and the better you are at that, the better chance you have of pleasing more women.

There will be times where everything just clicks with little to no communication, but that is probably as much luck as it is skill ;-)

You are chasing the impossible.

Reading what you have written, you are trying to be the best lover for every woman . . . ever.

That is impossible.

You may be the worst lover a woman has ever had and then the next time be the best. Women, like men, are fickle. There can be a lot going on in her head, just like yours. She could be thinking about the kids . . . the dishes . . . the temperature . . . and all the techniques in the world will NOT remove what is in her head.

Now, I am not against trying to be better and more attentive. I think I can speak on behalf of women here and say that is an awesome thing and something I do personally. But seeing that every woman is slightly different and every woman is definitely different as to what's going on in their life and every woman is definitely different as to where there hormones are . . . you will not be the best to all.

Sometimes my wife likes 10 minute sessions. Sometimes she likes 60 minute sessions. Sometimes she likes reverse cowgirl, sometimes she doesn't. How are you to know these? And this is just one woman :)

I mean they are out there though.. Straight up guides to better sex. You gotta remember, somewhere there is a guy doing NO foreplay, spitting in his hand, rubbing it on her pussy with the worst of techniques, and hammering her while she counts sheep. That guy could use a few books/dvds/magazines/sex articles on how to please a woman.

Now I'm not sure of this, but I think my sexual skill was definitely learned in Maxim and Cosmo magazines. In middle school, my best friend was a girl who used to get all the seventeen and such magazines... which went up to Cosmo in later years. I was busy reading FHM, Maxim, Playboy.....

But I made sure to read EVERY article about sex in all publications. From 100 ways to please your partner, to bad sex stories, to ways to spice up your marriage, to instructional pornos where two stars would "teach" ways and new possibilities... Hell throw Joy of Sex and Kama Sutra up in there too... Real Sex... all that

And when I have a new partner, and they cum fast, or a lot, or just that rare occasion where they don't usually, but now all the sudden they are... I chalk it up to me remembering all those "do this, don't ever do that" type of things.

Example... I definitely remember reading about how to properly eat pussy, years before I did it. So my first time, I was damn near textbook... But she covered my face in her juices in record time. Now of course I know, one size doesn't fit all. You take the good and mix it up with what your partner likes, and mesh the two together.

But if you're really out here struggling to please any woman you come in contact with............ Gym (every part of sex is a workout, including refresh time) and then technique

You have got to be kidding me if such training or resources existed every man out there (well at least those in the lifestyle for more than just to get laid) would be using them. What actually works is paying attention to your partner and figuring out what she likes, does not like, and really loves. This can be hard enough with someone you go to bed with every night much less someone you just met but not impossible. Oh and while some of this can be learned I do think there are those who have a talent for it just like some people can play music and others can't. I mean you can learn to do it and maybe even get decent at it but you will never be a maestro.

My success can be attributed to honest love to please women. When you are sincere and unselfish, it comes out loud and clear.
Up your game? Nothing tells her you care than giving her a sensual full body massage! I had sexy women melt between my hands and ask to be taken after a hot massage. But don't think you can just lay her down and rub her for 5 minutes and you are done! I spent many hours learning and practicing and I truly get satisfaction out of massaging her sexy body. Women are sensual creatures and investing in that direction will pay loads (pun intended haha).
For those who can read my certs, can see what I mean.
Good luck fellas!

One of the first SMs that the Mrs played with got her to squirt in a way that I couldn't from fucking her. Short story is that it was the size and shape of his penis. He had an smaller skinnier up-turned one that hit her g-spot in a way mine couldn't. I was able to test and prove that theory with fingers, but I cannot change the shape up mine nor hit the same spot the way he can.

Not sure how much of this sort of thing gets mistaken for "upping one's game". There are definitely techniques that can be learned, but some of it just comes down to physical attributes.

I have had women literally ask me what it is I do different when I lick them and they claim whatever I'm doing is different. I seriously have no clue and it doesn't make sense to me that there can be that many different ways to lick something. Along the same lines of thinking, perhaps it is some physical attribute about my tongue. How many times do you look for differences in people's tongues, other than maybe piercings?

Anyway, I could not teach anyone my licking technique because it is highly likely a specific physical attribute that makes it "different". Verbal and non-verbal communication, on the other hand, is definitely something that can be honed.

<<OP - Not sure exactly what you were looking for regarding classes but there is a wealth of info here in the forum.>>

We are new to the lifestyle, and only now are beginning to experience other people.
Before that we really didn't have the opportunity to know any different, after being together for 23 years.
Recently at Desire, we played with one couple where the man had all the right tools, but left my wife disappointed.
The next night a man from a different couple more than made up for it.
Two guys, both perfectly nice and attentive and caring, completely different reaction.
Not just that, earlier in the day a girl told my wife how she enjoyed the second guy the day before.
What did the second guy have that the first one didn't?
So that's what I'm looking for... maybe a better technique, a better understanding... like you said, everyone is different, so maybe learning how to read your partner better. With my wife, I have the experience of 23 yrs to be able to react to very subtle clues... perhaps with a little learning, the timeline can be shorter?

So true BT..."Men need to understand that we’re programmed to get in, off, and out...essentially, before any predator can eat us."

Although these days based on some previous comments in other threads it's essentially before any Bi-male makes an unwanted advance.

Pass the popcorn please.

OP - Not sure exactly what you were looking for regarding classes but there is a wealth of info here in the forum.

Like BT mentioned, everyone is different and this fact is lost on some. What turns on one person can literally gross out someone else.

What can lead to more fun/success is learning how to figure out what people like. So if there was any single thing that could up someone's game, it would be better communication skills. Learning what to ask and how to ask it in addition to reading body language.

Sometimes there are work related courses for things like this to help people get along better at work as well as understanding differences. Perhaps not what you were thinking when you asked, but may be useful nonetheless.

I'm pretty well practiced, but in my experience most women aren't very clear in giving post-game play-by-play reviews, unless you can go to videotape.

And they are even less enthusiastic to provide real-time step-by-step instructions :)

Funny you should mention tantra... we are planning to attend a workshop this Saturday... from the description, I'm afraid it'll be more about Feminine Divine and less about how to give the Divine the fucking of her life :)

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry tells George how to do “The Move” and George has to write it on his hand to remember the ‘steps’.

Classes?... Besides the possibility of exploring tantra, your best bet# are going to be repetition, practice, and variety. Listen to how your partner’s responding. After..or during, if the opportunity presents itself, ask her questions and be open to feedback. What works for some might not/likely won’t work for others. Check your ego at the foot of the bed. Great lovers aren’t made in a day. Men need to understand that we’re programmed to get in, off, and out...essentially, before any predator can eat us.

just my opinion...

BT

“Oops! Sorry Babe... Thought I heard a pterodactyl... This hasn’t happened in 100 years..It’s me, not you...”

While I had no complaints, I'm always looking to improve my sex game.
Recently I bought a subscription to OMGYes, and while not earth shattering, certainly picked a few tips.
Does anyone have any recommendations for videos/podcasts/workshops/classes, for couples preferably but for men as well, that help with that?