Should we be more aggressive?

Yo bitches, we asked you to meet up for drinks on Friday and you haven't responded. We'll be at the ABC Bar at 7pm. Be there or we'll kick your ass!"
It sure is tempting sometimes... Lol

"We are just starting and have had a profile for about a month. We’ve sent and received general interest but then things fall flat when we suggest meeting for a drink. Should we be more aggressive or that’s just the way it goes?"

Exactly how can you turn up the aggression level during online conversations? By pointing a gun at your monitor while asking a couple if they want to get drinks?

The best way to deal with this type of behavior from other people is to simply expect it from the get go. There's an exceptionally large portion of people/couples with profiles on this site who, for whatever reason, cease all communication once a meet up is proposed. Why? Who the fuck knows? Maybe they're too scared to actually swing. In a lot of cases though, I think it's safe to say that the couple you've been talking to is actually just a guy and his wife has no idea he created a profile on a swinger site and he's just fishing for photos for new jerk off material. Regardless, whenever you make contact with another couple, go in assuming that they're not for real. When you suggest meeting for drinks and they go silent, reach out 1 more time after a few days in case there was a legit reason they didn't respond right away. If the 2nd attempt doesn't get a response, then it's time to move on. No need to message them to tell them how rude or inconsiderate they are and definitely no need to get aggressive...."Yo bitches, we asked you to meet up for drinks on Friday and you haven't responded. We'll be at the ABC Bar at 7pm. Be there or we'll kick your ass!" No. Definitely don't do that. Just move on to the next profile. Sooner or later you'll start meeting people.

T

That's a fair statement. Not many local parties we've seen but we do plan to go to a few more clubs.

"...reached out to 100 couples"

In the time it would take to find that many compatible couples, read their profiles, then craft taylored emails (even short ones), I'd think your time would be better spent investigating and attending some local LS parties. Just a thought.

BMandKS- While we've just returned from taking a few months off, we reached out to over 100 couples and have had similar experience, either completely ignored or the dialogue just dropped off. But now we're convinced it had more to do with our profile than anything else. So we're in the process of fixing that to see what happens. Your pics and profile look pretty good so I'm not sure that's the case for the both of you. But yes, in our experience we agree with the other replies that said aggressive is a good thing.

mayhem8, YES

Thank you all for your insights and perspectives. As a newbie couple we absolutely do not want to come off as pushy. We will continue to put ourselves out there without expectations and cultivate our ever growing peer group. Mostly everyone we’ve had exchanges with has been great!

"Eager" is a more friendly word than "aggressive". I think I get kind of what AR was saying. We have been engaged in such great conversations that people simply forget or are stand-offish about saying, "Hey, want to play?" At some point though, it's just being practical rather than aggressive to say that since that is generally the purpose behind meeting in the first place.

So many people will look online and maybe have interest even, but will not initiate contact. If everyone does that, nobody is ever going to meet. So I think the gist of what AR was saying was more that people should take more initiative to reach out and take a chance and the word "aggressive" got attached to that thought.

To me, that is not aggressive. Aggressive is when someone is all hands from the start and it's so clearly obvious that all they want is to get to the sex part that they make you feel like a piece of meat rather than a person. Sometimes that is even OK if 2 parties are simply looking for NSA sex and that is negotiated right up front, but for many people that will be a turn-off.

Unlike AndrewRobin, we don’t support the idea of being aggressive. Aggressive is one of the worst words we could imagine being applied to us. We do just fine socially. We have couples and singles availabale and eager to play whenever we have free time.

An aggressive person or couple would not play with us, and we’d warn other people we know to avoid them as well.

If your interpretation was that it was biting, then yes, you did read it incorrectly. We simply said we found it amusing to think of some of the alternatives that would be more aggressive.

"Should we be more aggressive?"

Without even reading the thread, the answer is YES. Everyone says don't be pushy, we don't like pushy, blah blah blah. Nothing happens unless someone is willing to give the situation a push. Be that person. The worst thing they can say is fuck off.

That’s a biting response. Hopefully I am interpreting it incorrectly. To clarify, by aggressive I simply meant and probably didn’t indicate, was from a chat perspective aggressive. Maybe I am being too cordial and respectful!

We haven't yet read all the replies in this thread but just wanted to comment that we found it comical to think of other ways to be more aggressive over asking to meet for drinks. Like showing up at their door, ripping them from their home and dragging them by the hair caveman style to the local bar. LOL

First, we'd agree that it takes time. M&G and Clubs are great places to get your feet wet and meet people.

Online is a tougher nut to crack, and absolutely requires consistent effort to get it to pay off. The response rates are dismal, but if you focus on increasing the total number of looks and responses you'll also improve your odds of meeting someone. You can increase your looks through forum activity, signing up for events in your area, and simply checking out other people's profiles.

Once you've gotten them to look at your profile, your success online typically comes down to the profile content (pics AND text). Pop over to the Better Profiles section of the forum, read through some of the reviews there, and take a look at the finished products. A lot of folks that have responded to this thread help out over there so if you venture in you'll be in familiar hands. There's things that you can do to spice up your profile that might make folks more willing to contact you after looking at your profile, as well as improving the quality of your contacts. When you're ready, we'll be more than glad to give you specific pointers on how to make your profile "pop".

They'll also help with your introductory messaging too if you ask. That's one more area you can work on to improve your success rate.

Hope this helps!

There is such a thing as too aggressive. It takes time to get to know folks and them get to know you. The best suggestions have been given and those are the hot date section and trying to find a close to you club or parties. Aside from the fact people who post a hot date are generally looking for a little less talk and a lot more action you can find out about other things happening in your area. In all seriousness actually being at a place where you meet folks face to face works 100 times better than doing it all online and trying to arrange a meeting. While you still might find an occasional flake at a party or club generally people go to such places to meet folks with the intention to have sex sometime in the very near future (be it moments or days). Of course being new to such things it will still take a little time for folks to get to know you but it is the "fast track" if you will.

I would suggest a M&G in your area. you can mingle and meet more locals

Talk about green! I just went into the Hot Date section. We have tools we didn’t even know about! Thanks for the tip!

If there's anything like a meet and greet anywhere in your area, that's probably a better bet than the on line route. At the worst, you'll meet and get to know people who might be interested in the same things you are.

Things seemed to move slow in the beginning, or at least they did with us and we started going to off premise parties very early on.

I think it was easily a couple months before we had any real prospects. Perhaps check out the Hot Dates in your area. People that post them are ones that tend to actually meet people. It may at least get you past some of the posers.

We appreciate the input. It’s good to know we are doing all the right things! Unfortunately we don’t have the luxury of broader based community locally.

For what it's worth, we...and just about every other couple we know...hit this sort of lag. You are on the right track. Keep the initial correspondence to a modest exchange with couples who are within < 1 hour drive, and move fairly quickly to meeting for a cup of coffee or a drink or whatever. One of the things that will boost your odds is having the lady speak with the lady as early in the process as possible, and mention that it is a "just to meet over coffee" or lunch or whatever.

Patience is definitely a virtue when dealing with online sites. There are a lot of factors that will get to a meet with another couple. It is pretty common for a husband to be very interested and send messages but then they ghost when the wife really isn't interested. Keep in mind everyone has different preferences and you just need to be persistent, kind, and patient to find a good connection. Definitely send messages but don't be pushy waiting for a response. No response just means they aren't interested. It is always a great idea to get out to parties, meet and greets, or clubs to connect with real breathing people. The dynamics of getting 4 people on the same page isn't simple. Just have fun and take your time and it will come to fruition.

Thank you for the input! We’ve run into the posers and it’s a shame. I mean really, what’s to achieve? We just got excited when we finally decided to put ourselves out there and it kinda takes the wind out of the sails. Patience, I know!

Give it some time as you've only been on a month. Suggesting a meeting for drinks is fine assuming all parties are interested after a message or two & pic opening. After that the ball is in their court. You'll find there are a good number of fakes/posers that usually vanish after suggesting a meeting.

We are just starting and have had a profile for about a month. We’ve sent and received general interest but then things fall flat when we suggest meeting for a drink. Should we be more aggressive or that’s just the way it goes?