Newbies Wanting to Learn!

For us, we scanned profiles and happened upon the profile of a couple that seemed very newbie friendly, and had posted a lot of advice in a more local forum.

We reached out to them, and they met us for dinner, and took us to their club as a guest. While we didn't play with them (we did with each other) that night, it gave us a sense of the atmosphere. They more than understood our pace, and did everything to make sure we were comfortable. We couldn't have picked a better couple. We still go to that club today. I'd recommend going to a club, even if you just have sex with each other. The sights and sounds are hot, and it's a great way to observe what's going on and how people behave. Most clubs are very welcome for new people.

We know of some meet and greets in New Jersey, and that's another place we see a lot of newbies and it's a no pressure way to meet others while having a couple of drinks in a relaxed atmosphere with no pressure.

I think the biggest thing is being honest about being new. The experienced couples who don’t want to deal with rookies aren’t what you want either. We had a couple who were experienced that for lack of better term took us under their wing and let us ask lots of questions. It was very enlightening. Saw that you are focused on looking for just a single female. That will also be limiting. Years ago we tried to find a single female and it was frustrating. Then we didn’t talk about it for years and then a random non planned non intentioned meet up at bar ended up with two naked couples in a bed. We talked after that and we both really liked it. We are not full swap and I am not sure we ever will be but there is a lot of fun to be had for all with girl girl and same partner play with the occasional soft swap.

In this site I would use the hot date feature. I suspect with the demise of craigslist that the hot date feature will become more popular here.

Good luck

I will echo GoodGolly, clubs and meet and greets are great for meeting those in the LS. Most will be more then happy to answer questions, some will not. Some ‘veteran’ couples will want nothing to do with ‘rookies’, don’t take it personally, they just consider newbies as high drama risks. They won’t play, they really don’t like to interact. If you are at an event, and you do find someone who is willing to answer your questions, try and be respectful and not cannibalize their time. They are there for some fun.

There are a multitude of websites/podcasts/books that may be able address some of your concerns

Take a look at John and Jackie Melfi’s Website OpenLove. Listen to podcast like ‘We Gotta Thing’ or Swinger Diaries. They are geared to the newbies.

Now my advice is, you can ask all the questions you want. You will create an idea of what you think will happen and then you may be scared shitless. Whatever the perception(s) you may have in your mind, once in the heat of things, it may not even come close, it may scare you, you might be repulsed. Conversely, it may be more overload then you expected (been there, done that). You will not know till until you are in the middle of it. Asking questions is fine, but it’s no substitute for actually getting in there and getting dirty (pun intended).

— Tony Fokker, Sophmore Swinger

The best way to meet experienced couples is to go to clubs. Not only will you find a wealth of information, there are some lovely people out there who might take you under their wing.

One of the clubs in my area also does periodic Swinger 101 classes, led by couples and singles who have been in the lifestyle for years.

What is the best way to get to know more long term members in the lifestyle? I think it would be amazing for newbies that want to education themselves to be able to match up with members "in the know" for information and friendship. Is this available anywhere?