How to spot fakes?

PartyOnGirth, your issue could go either way.

Most likely, your suspicions are correct and this is an attempt to scam you in some way.

However, some women will ask for a way to contact you directly in an effort to weed out cheating spouses, which are more than plentiful here.

If you want to improve your chances as a SM, it will serve you well to at least be open to a variety of communication methods that are being used, including giving a phone number.

Remember though, you can easily set up a phone number that protects your privacy by using Yahoo or a number of other sources.

Tramp

JOE: Nice to see you found the caps lock key after many have asked you not to use ALL CAPS. That change shows you are real.

:-D

~Allen

is my title fake(friendly sex) JOE

"PartyonGirth….you already know what your gut is telling you/ Now you are posting here hoping for some one to convince you you're wrong."

This is an excellent answer, however, if what else is in mind, reporting the profile would be advised, not tit for tat.

~Allen

@Curious . . . well . . . and others.

Why are you assuming that everyone is __________ (out to get you, fake, or something else negative) Try a different perspective and things may be easier. You do not know what is on the other side. You only know what little you can decipher in a generally terse message. Why are you assuming the worst?

My wife is on here . . . oh . . . about 20 minutes a year. She has other shit in her life to do than this. When I communicate with people, I use the word I almost all the time. I do not mislead by trying to be pleasing that it is both of us. I am explicit in stating that it is me and me only. I also state that my wife rarely spends any time on the site. Does that make me a terrible person, a fake account? We are far from that. For those that are afraid of leaving the confines of this safety net . . . Really? Uhh ok. Here is an example for us. How would you have handled it as us, and then as the other end. My wife is traveling in a few weeks for a few days. She would like some SM company where she is going. Her and I sat down and for 5 minutes, looked and found a few that piqued her interest. I took over from there. I stated who I am and that my wife was heading to the area. I asked the person to look at our profile and pictures and see if they think there is a match. A few replied yes. I then said, as I told you my wife is rarely on here. It's not instagram :) Her is her cell #. Text her. See if there is any chemistry/compatibility. I told them sending messages through here, would just result in me seeing it and her probably not. It has worked for us.

As far as pic collectors and your kids seeing it . . . this has been our experience in that regards. If you have been in the lifestyle for a while, chances are your kids already know. I know . . . you are so prim and proper around them and hide everything. You don't hide your behavior change. Your kids talk to other kids. Your kids see other parents behavior. Your kids compare. Your kids will wonder why you only know some people by their first name only. They will figure it out. Give them credit for being smart and observing. We have been in in the lifestyle since the mid 90s. Our child knows. It took a little bit, but our behavior compared to others as well as constantly going out on weekends and talking about people that our child never met all gave it away. If you are doing something that you think is embarrassing then you should not do it. You have other issues. As far as being outed, well, fuck, we were on HBO's Real Sex, episode 16. Our very good friends were on Oprah for an hour. Yes. Both about swinging. The ramifications for us, a few business contacts saw it, my wife's sister saw it, a few friends saw it. The impact was a few calls and that lasted all of 10 minutes. No one gave a shit. My gay barber saw it. He was cutting my hair, asked me some opening questions and then said, "So, I was lying in bed the other night, watching TV and . . . YOU SHOWED UP on my TV." Oh well. He knew that we were on TV, he didn't know exactly what we did and with whom.

Pic collectors, well, are there some? Yes. How often? Rare. Is there anything you can do about it? Other than never having any pictures there is no way to stop anyone from collecting your pictures and doing something with them. It is the risk you have to take. If you aren't willing to risk that much, well, you will probably not get what you want from this site :)

Unless you have a job that has a morals clause in the employment contract, there is not much to concern yourself with.

PartyonGirth….you already know what your gut is telling you/ Now you are posting here hoping for some one to convince you you're wrong. I can't do that. Walk away and be glad you realized it for what it was before it was too late.

IM me her name and number and I'll be glad to help see that this woman gets what she deserves.

I’m new here. Recently had a message exchange instigated by a woman very attractive and half my age. Already suspicious and now she wants my cell #. Why would she not want to get to know me better under this safety net instead? I’m sure some sort of scam is being played but if she’s legit I’d hate to miss out. Thanks for any help I may get.

Thanks for the reply, so far all the people here have been great, very helpful. We really like the small community feel

We’ve been on AFF for many years, although we are no longer active. We had a lot of success meeting couples and the occasional single. On that site you really have to winnow through a lot of chaff before finding any wheat.

We all have our different techniques for identifying the fakes, but mostly it’ll just take time and some trial and effort for you to develop your own spidey senses. Just be careful, and err on the side of caution when giving out personal info.

AFF = AdultFriendFinder

Adult Friend Finder

~Scamp

What is AFF

I'm sure there are tons of great people there it was just too much for us. If it's not in poor taste to do so I'll tell you her profile name and cam show so you can check her out

Never had those kind of issues on AFF and we’ve been on there for 6 years. We’ve met quite a few swingers on there.

~Allen

Thanks sorillo! Haven't had one like that yet. We were on AFF for about two weeks and we were like fuck this lol I had one woman im me late at night talking about how she liked our profile etc, made small talk for 20 minutes then came the "check out my cam" I looked at her preview cam and she's like waaay outta my league I was just like "sorry I'm not paying you to watch you masturbate cause pornhub exists" never heard another word lol

There's a VERY common type of fake where it's usually a SF account, photos are either semi-pro shots or typical instagram "social influencer" selfies, lots of flowery but vague talk about "finding their soulmate" and "learning about this lifestyle", but the profile is short on specifics about them as a person. When you talk to them, they talk about themselves in generalities, ignore any direct requests and almost immediately start asking for alternate forms of contact. They grow like weeds on other sites like AFF to gather in dumb SMs, not as much here, but they do show up.

Had one email me about 2 weeks ago. Hot young black chick in her early 20s which is how I knew it was a totally fake account, because she'd have to be REALLY weird to go for a middle-aged pudgy bearded pasty white guy like me at her age. But I rolled with it, just to see what she'd do. Her first email was summed up as "Hi, I'd like to get to know you.", but never saying what attracted her just "tell me about yourself". In my reply, I told her that who I am is basically what's in my profile, and then asked her what she saw in me. And like clockwork, she just gave the canned reply of "Thank you for telling me something about yourself, do you have another way to contact you?"

If the responses feel like they came out of a Spam can, without actually responding to you as a person, that's someone with an agenda.

JT: The Kinks - Destroyer, comes to mind.

This is why you don’t include the face, a tat or piercing and pictures of the kids or other in the background.

Then they’d have to prove we put the pictures up, which can be easily stolen and used.

;-)

~Allen

We are very concerned and that is why we have only clothed pics on here. We are new (ok, sometimes it sounds like I am part of the collective, a little Star Trek humor for those that got it) and it is hard to know where these pictures will end up. I am especially concerned that my kids or business associates will get a copy.

I try to make sure to always use we or us when chatting or making contact unless I or me is appropriate for the sentence such as" I am into x or y" or "she is x". My wife doesn't have time to do the legwork here so it's pretty much all on me at this point, so I find myself using I a lot.

I have GAD and panic disorder so that tends to amplify my fear until it makes me break down.A small part of wanting to join the community is to help deal with these personal issues and make friends. I've been suffering with these conditions so long it had gotten to the point where I couldn't even face people in the real world and needed medication, just being on this site has helped my confidence tremendously and the thought of people taking advantage of others sickens me as a human being.

A huge red flag for us is a couple profile where the text constantly replies to "me" or "I", but has not a single reference to "us". Another is when we get an email from a couple and their profile text insists that you open pics when contacting them, but they only have two pics themselves, and both are boobs/butt.

This is one of my biggest worries on here, I regularly reverse image search our pics so far none have showed up but a couple profiles have got me worrying. I'm just naturally paranoid but I think in this case a decent amount of paranoia is ok. I've really grown to like this site and the community in general so it bothers me that people do this. Growing pains I guess as with any new experience

Suspicious of those who always want more pics or immediately want to take it to kik/text/phone.

Perhaps not "fake" but just shallow: Replies quickly become, "When can we meet. Soon."

Title says it all, what are some red flags of a fake or malicious account?