Disappointing weekend

Sounds like my last two couples... Hit ME up... asked ME about meeting... told ME they would get the hotel... told ME they were coming into town... told ME to clear my schedule.. Said I'd hear from them when they left.........

I still haven't heard from either one... I mean common courtesy would be "hey we made other plans." I've had my fair share of those ones too.. But at least you give me some time to do other things. Not keep me waiting all day/night for you to ghost me. And I know it's not my fault. Because the most recent messages are always "We'll contact you as soon as................."

So to answer.... YES!!! Getting stood up, last minute changes, getting ghosted, is a staple in this community, not just this website. A friend of mine opened a club recently and told me this gem.... "People in the lifestyle can't stay committed to one person... You think they are going to commit to just ONE event/partner/club on a Saturday night? Hell no.. They add themselves to many things, so they can wait till the last minute to see what party is better, has more people, or better looking ones. They set up things with 3-4 couples/people because, ironically, they know people will fake, so they have multiple options. Or one of them set something up, and the other cancels, but to avoid blaming their partner, they just ignore the whole thing"

That last one happened with my last play partner so I understand kinda... She would let me talk up couples, send her nudes, she'd even get in on kik, set up a date....... Then text me a day or two out "Oh lets not do that. I have a better idea" And I'd be left to run back to them and say "Sorry we ruined your weekend, but something came up" because I didn't want to be a dick and say "She made us cancel last minute for god knows why"

I forgot to add this piece of advice especially since you are new and this type of thing is more likely to happen. Plan on meeting people somewhere you would normally go in the first place. What I mean by this is if you plan to meet for dinner make it somewhere you both would be just fine having dinner just the two of you. Same for a bar, coffee shop or wherever. Of course you can try that new place or somewhere you have never been but make it something you would enjoy or do anyway just in case there is a no show. It goes without saying (but I am saying it just in case) if the plan is to perhaps head to a hotel for fun (even if it is a second meeting of course after playing together a few times reserving a room is less risky) unless you are in a busy tourist area or there is some sort of convention going on wait to get the room until you are sure you will need it especially if you are not far from your home. There is nothing worse than getting a room and then the other party had an "emergency" case of cold feet and don't show up. It leaves you with a room and nothing to do that you could not do more comfortably at home (of course if you have children at home you may just want to use the room LOL). Oh and I will second, third, or whatever finding local meet and greets, parties, or a club if there is one and attending. Usually the people there are meeting for a reason and understand newcomers may be less likely to go full on play the first time but it will allow you to meet folks less likely to flake out at a later meeting.

Ever been stood up for a date before you got married? If not you were lucky. If so then you begin to see what to expect when you add in the complicated aspects of the lifestyle. The fact is some people simply flake out for whatever reason and become ghosts. In fact I would say there are far more of them in the lifestyle these days than when we started out. Some do it for kicks getting their jollies knowing they "set you up" while others get last minute cold feet. Then we come to the reason I think many couples are a no show. In a lot of cases the wife (usually) has no clue the reason they are going out is to met a couple for sex. I imagine the Husband (usually) sets things up and then gets his wife to get ready to go out to dinner or whatever. Once in the car he springs it on her that "You remember how we talked about swapping well we are going to met this couple I found online." That usually ends in an argument where she says that was simply a fantasy I never wanted to act on. Of course I have heard stories where the couple actually got to the table and sat down before she knew the real reason for the meeting.

It looks like your profile is only a couple weeks old so based on that and the fact you said you are new it is going to take some time to get a "sixth sense" about how to read things when talking with folks online. For example right now this is a couple's profile but just me the husband am actually home and responding. Without having some background that on the forum it is usually me and even for initial replies it is me (and I let folks know that) you would have to read between the lines to tell. Now in a second reply or initial contact both of us are sitting down at the screen and I am usually typing however the whole style is different and suggests it is two people talking. That is a good "tell" as it were about how serious people are. Another is are there pictures of both parties? There are not as many of me as there are her on our profile (for obvious reasons if you read it) but the more even the picture spread is the more likely you have found a couple that is serious where both are on the same page. I mean if it looks like bait then likely it is bait and we know what happens to fish that take the bait right? Of course there are more things to look for but once you have been around for a while you will develop a sense about things and generally be able to tell when something is not quite right.

We are newer to the lifestyle but have socialized a bunch. We've set up two meetings. The first cancelled a few days prior. But when the second worked out it was amazing and we had a blast!...even though not all of our clothes came off. But from what we've experienced as well as what others with far more experience have told us....that 50% mayhem threw out sounds about right.

This website and the lifestyle population in general is a real mix of people, personalities, and interests. While it sucks when things don't work out, we think it's important to keep reminding ourselves that there's always tomorrow in regard to future opportunities. Good luck!!

OP: There's no way to get an exact # but I'd guess that easily 50% of people you have not yet met will blow you off if they get what they feel is a 'better offer". It could be a party came up or they just found someone prettier to play with. This is in addition to the "life happened" sort of cancellations.

This is certainly no excuse, but people are generally doing this to enhance THEIR sex life. Viewed that way, it doesn't surprise me that people will think about what's in it for them rather than how they may be impacting someone else. In a word, selfish.

That is why so many will say to check out local LS events. You plan these around YOUR schedule when you are free and you will have the opportunity to meet others that also happened to be free that night and actually made it.

Being that SLS has a ton of members there can be this notion that all one need do is put up something for a profile and thousands of people will be seeing it so at least dozens should be responding. What you are experiencing is more what most average people find, which is this online stuff can be a fair bit of effort with not a lot to show for it at times.

Many of our Hot Dates don't pan out. IF they show, they look 15 years older than their pics. One put of 10, are worth the effort spent on the previous 9.

Got to Meet and Greets, do a house party or a club. You WILL meet people there.

Meet & Greets are a nice way to find people interested in meeting, they tend to be low press events and usually very enjoyable.

Catfishing happens, flakes are everywhere, and fakes abound. What are you all doing to screen prospects? Many times you can avoid the fakes and flakes by asking good questions and finding a way to see if they are indeed real. Asking to video chat ahead of a meeting is a pretty common way to do that. This is a chatroom voyeur type of thing but a conversation so they can know you are real, they are real, and have a short initial conversation to see if there may be some chemistry. This also saves you a lot of time and gets rid of a ton of fake prospects. There are a ton of cheating and wanna-be cheating husbands out there that will pose as couples and singles. There are also a ton of singles and couples who misrepresent themselves. Just do a little preparation and wading through these people can be a little less frustrating.

The best thing is to get out to a hotel party, club, house party, or a meet and greet to interact with real people. Good luck.

we have never had anyone cancel on us, but have heard that it does happen a often. you could try going to a meet & greet, where you can meet more people

My wife and I are brand new to the lifestyle. We've decided to give it a try. We have contacted folks, texted back and forth and had 2 meetings set up for this weekend with different couples. Being that she and I were very EXCITED by the idea. It was rather a let down and disappointment when both couples cancelled on us. Is this normally the way these things go? Or should we prepare for more disappointments in the future?