Asking for advice on the lifestyle

I don't have much to add to the already excellent advice you've been given other than to say... "Go Big Red!" :)

After reading your profile it sounds as if you don't know yourself what you want. In fact I (the male half) reads it as you are only doing this for him and not yourself. You mention several things you are willing to try not want to do but "willing to try" as if you are doing them to make him happy. The first thing to do is decide what you want to do. While his desires factor in he should know only to move at your speed and do what you want to that is at your comfort level. He should know this if he has been in the lifestyle for a while. Start slow.

You mentioned a nude beach as something you have never done so maybe do that first. It is not really being in the lifestyle and truthfully not sexual but it is a good start. Of course not everyone lives near a nude beach so maybe a club with a "wear as little or as much as you are comfortable with" policy or theme night is in order. Our local sadly had it's last pool party which is a good way to get your feet wet with both nudity and other things as you get comfortable. Then you mention an orgy which while it sounds good is not something we would recommend for someone new in the lifestyle. It is something to try when you gain a bit more experience. In regards to sex may I suggest you start out with a threesome or another couple where everyone understands you are new at this and moves at your speed. Heck making you the center of attention is not out of the question. Once you get more used to things then branch out. Oh and get a room (be it at a club or hotel) unless you are comfortable bringing folks back to your or his place.

Honestly if you are in the lifestyle long enough (and it seems you found out early) you cannot be sure Jim Bo and Becky Sue spent any time preparing for the evening and you could be walking into something worse than the lowest flea trap motel. BTW those names are made up but we went home with some folks years ago that seemed "well off" with a nice house from the outside. Problem was business must have been off and they either fired the maid or she quit a year ago once you walked in the door and looked around. We actually were going to get a room but they suggested since they lived nearby we should not waste the money. Oh and getting a room puts everyone in "neutral" territory and can result in a more comfortable experience for all involved. It also means there are no neighbor entanglements when they notice you had guests (not the same ones as last week) over last night who did not leave till the next morning.

My ex and I were in the lifestyle for many years. We were new once and saw other new couples enter the LS. We found there are a few basic things to straighten out before starting to be successful. Your main question - what adventure to start with - that's entirely up to you and is different couple to couple. Talk to him and as a couple determine what YOU BOTH want the first adventures to be. Talk about limits or "rules" of play and abide by them. I see you have one in your profile - same room, within sight, that's good. You may decide later TOGETHER to broaden or narrow your "rules" and that's normal.

But you guys need a couples profile. Separate profiles are a red flag that something might be amiss. Several things in your profile kind of come off as you're not quite ready for all this. Please don't start if you're really not ready. After a couple years in the LS, she and I Iearned to avoid new couples because all too often they weren't ready or on the same page and drama ensued. Best of luck to you guys. Swinging was an awesome part of our relationship.

We really like the idea of a house/hotel party, or a club visit where you can be a fly on the wall, to watch, but not necessarily participate.

Welcome to the lifestyle! To add to the good advice below, my main question/concern I have for you is in regard to your profile. You list as a single woman, but mention your man, have pictures with him and it looks like you’ll only play together. You may want to create a couples profile together, if that is the case.

I would also recommend you talk a lot more of your fantasies- you mention in your profile that you haven’t asked him yet, so that is your first step. And check out many lifestyle podcasts out there, such as Swinger Diaries, and pick ones that focus on specific topics you can discuss.

Have fun out there! :)

~Kira

This presupposes that you would rather have a date with a couple than a threesome with one other person. Perhaps the first step might be to go on a vanilla date with a couple whose profile interests you, just to chat and share perspectives, expectations, imaginations and...yes...fears.

It's different being anonymous on a site versus actually sitting across from another couple at a restaurant imagining what after dinner might be like. What you'll likely find is that you have to have some connection with the other couple before you can think about taking the next step. And you'll likely find yourself wondering "how are they like/unlike us?"; "how do they, as an experienced couple, connect and reconnect with each other?"; and so on.

The happiest swinger couples we know don't think of themselves as especially wild or wildly behaved. They started just like you, figured out that monogamy did not guarantee fidelity, figured out that their relationship would tolerate a little exploration, and so on.

Suppose you had an experienced LS couple across the table from you, a couple whose profile resonated with the two of you. What would you ask them assuming you knew they were utterly unjudgmental and would never repeat your questions or their answers?

There is no right answer. I read about swinging, discovered there was a local club, made it through the front door on my second attempt, and had sex with two different people. In the open with people watching.

What sounds both exciting and doable for the two of you?

That's what you might want to try.

You should talk with your guy - a lot. Talk about what sort of potential swinging experiences get you both all hot and bothered. Talk about what makes you uneasy or uncomfortable. Talk about guidelines to make you feel physically and emotionally safe.

We engaged in years of pillow talk before I considered the possibility of sex with anyone besides Phoebert. I'm still working on my feelings about him with another woman but he loves seeing me with another guy so for now MFM works for us.

Parties where you can meet and talk (and flirt) with a lot of people without feeling pressured to play might be a good way to ease in to things. A good first experience will depend on what you are turned on by and what you are comfortable with - it is different for everyone.

Good luck and have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Obviously, everyone is different and what works for one won't necessarily be right for another. SO take all the advice you get here and ask yourself how it fits you and your guy's personalities and desires.

When we started we had a lot of trepidation. We spent a lot of time just meeting couples for conversations and drinks. I'd say about 4 months of meeting for drinks, asking questions and getting to know folks before we actually went ahead and played - same room only. So we really went slow. It worked for us.

We still haven't done the group parties/clubs which is just fine with us. We're easing into that by hosting meet and greets in the area. Seems a lot of folks want that no pressure atmosphere because we have 70 couples signed up for tonight's event.

Hi all...I recently met a great man - who happens to be in the lifestyle. I on the other hand was solidly living a monogamous, conservative life...and I have decided to go on this wild adventure with my guy...but need some ideas as to what a good first adventure together should be...