@2muchfunclub2
I hear you there, it has gotten more than a little bit messy with terminology and culture at this point. Honestly, most of us in the transsexual community avoid talking about it at this point because of just how ridiculous everything has become and just how fed up we are with the whole thing. Hopefully I've given at least a little bit more clarity to the situation?
-J
@FlipFlops_and_Droptop
I see your point and I'm sure that a lot of guys simply don't like the term because of the phonetics of it (as you mentioned, sounding like sissy). I don't have much an opinion one way or the other on what word should be used but for better or for worse cisgender seems to be the dominant one that has become popular in the common vernacular for non-trans people and I do not think that there is much you or I can do to change that trend.
-J
Just an observation...
We have a cousin who is transitioning and this has become an issue in their immediate family.
Perhaps what some people are taking issue with is feeling like they are being labeled themselves while needing to be careful not to attach the wrong label to someone else. We witnessed a family kerfuffle at a birthday party on this very subject.
If you wanna change your moniker or whatever it's called, I'm all for it. Leave mine alone.
First thing that drives men nuts is the cis part. As in sissy. Im sure it doesn't mean that but sure sounds like it.
@FlipFlops_and_Droptop
I really don't understand why this one is such a hard thing a hard thing for some people. While I would agree that it's not the most elegant term, cis is just a Latin prefix that means "on this side of" so cisgender just means same gender as in your gender or brain sex is the same as your physical sex. Trans isn't much different as it just means "on the other side of" as in our brain sex (gender) is mismatched with our physical sex.
There was actually a similar push back when the term straight started becoming more common in everyday usuage as a term to describe non-gay people. I suppose that we could use the term non-trans but at the end of the day we're talking about the same thing. This kinda gets back to why myself and many other trans(sexual) people think that the term transgender is awkward to begin with as it just doesn't lend well to the concept of brain vs physical sex.
-J
@Joe_n_Amanda
I hope that you have had your morning coffee as this will likely be a somewhat lengthy post. What you are talking about gets back to the discussion of transgender vs transsexual that I was talking about last week and it is honestly no less frustrating or confusing for us. As I mentioned before and I'll say it again now, there's a huge difference between transsexual people and the whole non-binary/neo-pronoun/gender fluid/you get the idea community (going to use GNC from here on out for clarity's sake).
One of these is a group of individuals who have the medical condition of transsexualism (again, considered an intersex condition in the medical field) and these people take steps to make their physical sex match their brain sex whereas people in the GNC community are wanting to change society's definition of gender both in language and cultural expectations. Traditionally, these had always been two distinct communities both with their own interests. Ever since the term transgender came about and the trans political movement took over, however, we have all been thrown under this umbrella term and I honestly cannot blame anyone for being confused about it.
For those in the transsexual community, all we really care about is having access to the medical treatments necessary (hormones, surgery, etc.) and legal options to complete our transitions and then move on with our lives. Trans(sexual) people never cared about trying to “break down the gender binary”, designer pronouns, or any of that nonsense. Most people were not all that familiar with trans people unless they happened to have a family member or friend going through transition because we made our best efforts to take care of what we needed to take care of and then we simply just lived our lives as normal people. You did not have this big fight over bathrooms or anything else because we did not try to push it in anyone’s faces.
Ever since the transgender movement took over though, actual trans people have been pushed out of our spaces in favor of this new agenda of the destruction of the gender binary and a push for informed consent. Informed consent basically means that a patient (who, say, wants access to HRT) no longer needs to go through therapy or get any other kind of diagnosis for GID/gender dysphoria to access medical treatment provided that they are informed of the risks involved beforehand. While this is less of an issue for adults (though I would argue that considering the number of other co-morbid conditions that can be confused with GID, actual diagnosis by a mental health professional is critical) its become a problem in certain states like California where all an underage person needs to do now is go to a gender clinic and claim that they are experiencing gender dysphoria to be put on hormone blockers and sometimes even HRT oftentimes without parental consent.
-J
Flipflops..... Yes, that whole cis/trans nomenclature reminds me of organic chemistry class.....something I’d rather forget. Lol
I respect what other people wanna be called but calling me a "cis male" is unacceptable. Fuckoff with that shit
This is a very enlightening discussion (for the most part).
I generally try to respect the wishes of an individual, with respect to nomenclature and their preferred pronouns. But sometimes I am confused as to the logic or thought process involved. The "made up" pronouns are the biggest issue in this regard but also, the use of plurals when referring to an individual.
I had a patient who was (very) obviously pregnant. While talking to "her" I used the word "she". This individual asked to be referred to as "they/them". In a way, I can somewhat understand this because she is carrying another living being inside her and I was happy to abide. But where I went wrong was in making the following (what I thought was complimentary) statement. I said, "I love that you respect the life growing inside you and that you wish others to acknowledge both of your existences. That is lovely." At this point "they" became agitated and explained that the "thing" growing inside her was merely a parasite and that "they" use they/them because "they" are gender fluid and sometimes "they" feel like both male and female and that is why "they" appreciate(s) being referred to as they/them.
Sometimes when even trying to be correct and inclusive we fuck it all up. It's like walking through a minefield at times.
Yes there are many who make dressing in sexy ladies bras and panties behind closed doors at home a fetish thing , looking at my photos , do I only dress behind closed doors in only panties and nylons..??? Mary Jo
My Dressing is not a fetish, I live the life of a woman and is a very mental thing for me as well...Just because I was not born with a more feminine nature and not on hormones or had surgerys doesn't make it just a fetish. I love those who judge who don't want to be judged themselves...Mary Jo
@mayhem8
If you're talking about an MtF person (a trans woman) you would use she/her pronouns. As molly mentioned, if you see someone looking for "Trans CD" then they probably just have a fetish about fucking or being fucked by someone who is either female or presenting female that has a penis.
Rules for treating actual trans people with respect should still apply though, and there's a better chance than not that if the person is on HRT then they're probably not going to be able to 'perform' in that way and/or not have interest in penetrating other people. Trust me, this gets annoying as hell when I met up with people who's only idea of what a trans woman is like in bed is what they've seen in porn and it's like "ohhh buddy" lol
"A lot of times I'll also see "Trans CD" used together even though they're 2 different things. Usually as in "Looking for Trans CD", which I assumes they're into both trans (of any type) and CDs."
This is an interesting conversation and it's in very good hands (I have TallMark blocked or my impression might be different), but since I've sometimes been the only queer person in the room and would have liked others to deal with some of the basics, I'd like to answer this one.
When you see that, you're looking at someone fantasizing about having sex with someone who presents as a woman but has a dick. Like self proclaimed Queens of Spades, it's not a group you look to to get the terminology right.
Yes only refer to a CD, Trans woman as she, ma'am, sweetie, honey ect,, I was referred to as Ma'am yesterday....Most female to Trans male are on testosterone and grow facial hair as to look as masculine as possible, so of course you would not use a female term with them..Mary Jo
Just2 - OK. So that explains why I was confused ;-) So if talking about a MtF in 3rd person, would you use "her/she"? A lot of times I'll also see "Trans CD" used together even though they're 2 different things. Usually as in "Looking for Trans CD", which I assumes they're into both trans (of any type) and CDs.
Honestly, I'm just happy to not accidentally insult someone the few times I run into a trans of any type.
SLS does not have Trans,CD selection, only male or female...I wanted to change my profile but SLS will not allow....Trans People need to relax more, not be so emotional about everything..Oh did I just become a hippo crite, LOL....
Well I don't give a rats tail what you or others think, I hang out with some other's that enjoy dressing as I do and come across the same crap from Trans people , Just because they feel more born as a woman feeling. Yea we do not get along, Most Trans People have all sorts of mental and financial issues..I have seen it many times, they need support groups yet they don't want to support others who are not like them, same as Lesbians, they want to be accepted but they have no interest in accepting me or us..Trans people can be very hippo critical....
@TallMark45
Look, you obviously get your marbles off by stirring the pot. However you choose to present yourself to the world is entirely your own business though I hardly think that someone who's on here using a male profile (newsflash for you - trans women are women) and speaks openly about "dressing as a women" in their profile hardly qualifies to speak on the subject of life as a trans person.
This isn't a fetish for us, and most of us wish that we didn't have to go through the kind of medical treatment and social baggage that comes along with it but we make the best of our lives and move forward. I'm kindly asking you to stop speaking for the trans community here and keep your sexual kinks to yourself, thank you.
Anyone have an extra pussy around so i can get one, LOL....There are many different terms and levels of the Trans community, depending on surgurys, hormones, what they were born with, ect....
Apparently, this needs to be said as well but the word ladyboy is a regionally specific thing to Asain states like Thailand and you'll find yourself hard-pressed to find anyone interested in you if you choose to use that term here in the US. Likewise, for the word tranny, it's absolutely considered a slur and has no traction outside of the porn industry.
@mayhem8
I'll do my best to clear up a bit of confusion then. When most people think of the word trans they're referring to transsexual people 90% of the time. Transsexualism (an intersex disorder) is simply a medical condition where one's brain sex is incongruent with their body sex and you'll often see terms like MtF (male-to-female), FtM (female-to-male), trans woman, or trans man used to describe transsexual people depending on which direction that individual is medically transitioning towards.
Where it gets confusing is the term transgender as it was designed to be sort of a catch-all for transsexual individuals as well as GNC (gender non-conforming) and now non-binary and other identities. Trust me, I wish that this was a little bit easier to dissect for you and even the trans community doesn't entirely agree on how that term should be used anymore. Lots of younger trans people take issue with using the term transsexual (even though I and many others still prefer to use it for clarity's sake) so just keep that in mind that simply saying trans is often a safer bet. So while technically transsexual and transgender are two different terms, they're most often used interchangeably.
Transvestite is just a very antiquated word to describe people that crossdress (though it usually refers to men that do). I rarely see this word used anymore as most people consider it a slur and the cross-dressing community simply refers to themselves as crossdressers or C/D for short these days.
One final note is that it's incorrect grammar (and considered somewhat rude) to use transgender or transsexual as a noun as both of the terms are adjectives. In other words, you'd say, trans men/women, transgender men/women, transsexual people, etc. rather than saying transgenders or transsexuals.
Clear as mud? Let me know if you have any other questions as I'm more than willing to answer them.
The term "Ladyboy" is used mostly in Asian Tranny Porn, yes I said Tranny....That's what the cover of the video says usually...Mary Jo
Well I wish I still had a female to hang out with so I could have a profile as a woman or a couple..Would not be honest for me to have a profile as a woman... However you can just call me Mary Jo
First of all, there are transgenders, transvestites, and transsexuals, and some I may even be missing, so "trans" alone doesn't even tell me what was meant by the OP. Was it any/all of the above?
I don't mind saying that I'm somewhat ignorant on the topic of "trans". If someone was born one sex and looking to be another, do you use the words "he/him" and "she/her" based on what they want to be? I'd guess yes, but I honestly don't know.
I saw a show on "ladyboys", and they actually referred to themselves as ladyboys. I just don't want to insult someone out of ignorance, but it's not something most run into during their daily lives so it wouldn't surprise me that others simply don't know how to address certain people, which can make people uncomfortable around them from the start.
