Thinking about our first threeway. Just need some feedback

Yes, inquiring minds want to know ;-)

As to the OP, I can see there being pros/cons to it being someone she knows. In the end so long as you're both good with it and nobody is looking to change their relationship status than that's all that matters.

Being that he is married I think I'd at least want to check with his female half and make sure she's OK with it, if you haven't already done that. Open relationship or not, if there's trouble with their relationship then I'd be concerned if it were me.

@OP

So, it’s been two months. How did it go? You can’t come in here asking for advice as reassurance then leave us hanging!

Seriously, we would like to know if you had a good experience and how you both feel afterwards. And if you haven’t yet fulfilled her fantasy, are you still looking for suitable candidates? ;^D

~S~

There are so many other options for a three way. I would try that first. I don't think she asked about having one with her ex because she still has feelings for him. I think she likes the idea of being with someone who is familiar and comfortable to her. She knows what she is getting into. It may feel more secure too about the sexual risks involved. However, I do agree that there needs to be mutual attraction for the thrill to work. You may meet this guy and think he is a big ass. He may not be willing to take directives from you. Are you ok with being submissive and allowing him to take lead? Not saying this is the case but you do have to think worst case scenario. If you have no luck meeting another man, then maybe entertain the idea of meeting with him a few times. Have drinks, and talk about what all 3 of you want from this. You will then get an idea of whether or not you are ok with it. If right off the bat he is disrespectful - talks about how he is gonna fuck her and make her cum like she never has before - run. Maybe he would but he doesn't need to rub it in your face either. And I would be turned off if a guy said that or something similar to my husband. It isn't about the TWO of them. It is about the THREE of you. All THREE of you are gaining something from it. Even if you don't do anything with him. You may really enjoy watching your wife with another man. But I would seriously try doing it with someone else first and see if that satisfies her. If not, then meet with her ex but make it clear that meeting doesn't equal agreeing to fuck.

There is no saving him.

@Fokkers.......
Lol yes,I responded to him.

Bwahahahahahaa

My post must look so RANDOM to those that have him blocked!!

Cmon now folks,we gotta rope together,and make him see the ERRRRRRRRR (redneck drawl)in his ways.

We can save him.

If it’s nCal you’re referring to (I have him blocked) don’t pay no mind he is an idiot troll who speaks shit about he is one of the lastv true Swingers. Don’t waste your energy on him.

Again with the swipe at singles.

I'm beginning to think one of us broke yer heart,or showed you up one night and achieved things you couldnt,or wouldnt.

Again with the "one true way to swing 101"

Tsk tsk,expand your horizons.
Many of the couples I have met,if not most,are same room only couples.
When partnered,I walk this same path in the lifestyle.

Other then that,our advice is basically the same.

Mine suggests this new couple dip their toes into the shallow end,with an escape plan if it's not what they decide to want.

Yours is that they should dive in head first into the deep end.

Whatever works I guess.

Swinging and the lifestyle are so different. Swinging is about couples and couples having sexual fun with other couples together or separate. Singles are single for a reason and that reason brings unwanted emotions into the fun of sex.

Start out with a experienced couple. Have fun naked sexual fun with them and then try another experienced couple and have fun in separate rooms. And just go from there. Talk about the fun you had and the sex its what is fun!

This becomes an adventure that you both share and look forward to.

Eric my wife's long term lover is married their weekend together is really fun for both of them, but they are both ready to go back to their married half after that.

@MFM 4US......
I like the way you phrased that,I can't think of anyone I know who would not agree with you completely.

I also see the MASSIVE red flags others see.
I have seen the lifestyle be used as an excuse to cheat,have a fling,or end a relationship.
It's always been a good way to end a bad relationship,and a bad way to end a good relationship.

(I'm not suggesting this situation is either)

@OP.....
Ok,with only a short description of your situation,and with only my experiences,I would take issue with what's going on.
I'm a very "I am hers,she is mine,your joining us"kinda guy,but then,your description doesn't really talk much about an actual threesome,but speaks to your wife opening things up as an "open"relationship.
In case you missed it,HE,is having EMOTIONAL and physical sex with HER,and YOUR not involved.

If you both talked about it beforehand,and both willingly consent,imo,more power to ya,whatever works for you,works for you.

Just know this,if you have a threesome with this guy,it will be you joining them.

I prefer to be the alpha male,I direct him on how to please her.
Dems da rules.

If you both have decided you want to dance in the lifestyle,my suggestion is to go to an established club,100 miles away or more from your front porch.
Meet a stranger that she has a physical attraction to,and don't cry like a biotch if he looks nothing like you.
Hell,you could get lucky and it's a female that strikes her fancy.
Or she could get lucky and it's a line of 10 guys with you directing the symphony.
Have your adventure,then leave it all behind.

Of course talk before you go and set rules and guidelines,desires and fantasies,safe words and deal breakers.
That should be a no brainer.

But just as important,is the conversation AFTER you both have taken a bite of the forbidden fruit for the first time. (Together)
Was just a taste enough for both of you?? (Notice word "both")
Was it a one and done,checked off the bucket list,onto other adventures??

Or is this just the first course in a long buffet??

You need to get a handle on your marriage imo.
I wish you the best of luck.

On a completely side note........
Does anyone else want to know if this ex boyfriend is REALLY in an open relationship,or if he is cheating on his wife,to sleep with the OP's wife??

All these questions and more, will be answered,on the next edition of, AS THE LIFESTYLE TURNS!!!

“don't pay much attention to others, their decisions are based on their experiences”

Solid advice from 25 years of one’s individual experience. Touché. They can, however, have something to offer even if it is based on their experiences, which is something the OP may be able to walk away with, just as you are ironically advising not to listen to advice.

~Allen

You know, an Ex is an ex for a reason, and that reason has not changed. I've been in the LS for about 25 years and learned each couple or single, plays differently. You have to stay with what works for you both. If it's broke for one, it's broken for both. The answer is individual and unique to you, not to anyone else. So discuss it between your selves and don't pay much attention to others, their decisions are based on their experiences in life that may be drastically different that yours, so be sure of your feelings and keep it honest. Honesty will triumph.

Its all about happiness fun and excitement. However that works for you. My wife just love the worship she gets from men and being treated as a sex goddess.

My being there takes away from that. i would never take away something that brings her such pleasure and happiness.

“ If your faith in your mate is so weak that you need special rules or to be present whenever she plays“

I agree with Ncal and it may be the first post he has made any type of sense in, yet I don’t believe that if a couple sets a hard rule that they only play while each are present, that it makes their relationship weak. We are a couple that REALLY enjoys participating in a threesomes along with watching each other have passionate sex with others at times. It is also our rule that we are in this together, not solo, and it involves us both, although not on an equal level at times.

I have told this before in another thread, possibly deleted, and will tell it again, I play with an ex lover, Mrs. 888 has no jealousy issues with it and it is VERY clear to my exlover that I will not leave my wife for another. Also, I had no persuasion in playing with her and we fuck like hungry animals because of being extremely comfortable, based on the past. We used to visit her on vanilla grounds quite often for years. They were talking about past sex we had and current lifestyle events and Mrs. 888 flat out asked her if she would like me to be shared with her. The very first time, my wife took my cock in her hand while fingering my ex lover, then spread her labias and guided me in. All along, telling me how she loved watching and how I was making my ex lover feel through her face and body expressions. It may well be a next level of perversion the way we enjoy each other.

The difference in us and the OP, she introduced wanting to include her ex, not him meeting and building that rapport for her husband to ask him.

~Allen.

Agreed.

If you agree with Nutcal, examine your position...

One should re-evaluate anything that comes from nCal.

I agree with Ncalcouple on this. If your faith in your mate is so weak that you need special rules or to be present whenever she plays perhaps you (collectively) should revaluate weather or not swinging is for you.

Its just sex, nothing else but sex and having fun with another person. If your wife is not happy living with you as her husband why be married or living together?

This is one of the things that is so strange about people. They are possessive and jealous destroying the very happiness that should be why they are living together in the first place.

If my wife was not happy in our marriage and wanted to go live with another man then why would I want to stop her? Why would I want to share my life with a unhappy woman who does not want to be part of my life?

My wife loves her weekend with Eric and then its all she can take and says goodbye. I would love to spend a weekend with the woman that I tried to live with before I met my wife . It would be the same thing a hot sexual fun weekend that then that's all I could handle of living with her. I have no idea where Kathy is but it would be fun.

There are people that you loved to fuck but can not live with. It makes for a really fun weekend. Marriage is about enjoying sharing your life with your other half and making that live as happy and as fun as possible.

Not many people can have recreational sex with a past lover and have the ability to keep it just that. Same goes with one’s spouse not to let jealousy or fear reign. This does not go without say that some past lovers may even have Ill intentions in their wants, however, it shouldn’t be a flag out the gate when containing the ability to spot actual problems arising and not let insecurities cloud your spouse’s vision of your commitment to them.

~Allen

Everyone will be different, but for us, this would be a huge red flag. But thats because when we play with others, it's just playing and not about an emotional connection and why one of our rules is #1 - no former boyfriends or girlfriends.

That is part of the thrill of it all for a married woman. That she can be single for a weekend have men worship her and pursue her and then when she is done with being single she gets to go home to a loving husband and happy next.

A woman who can do the above and have her husband be happy for her happiness is a woman who has her prefect life. She is also happy all of the time and keeps her body in shape just because she knows have much fun she is gong to have on her single weekend..

And yeas we have an open marriage. my wife has 70% of the fun. Men loved to be used for the bodies for sex. Women view sex as part of starting a relationship. Our marriage has been really fun and happy for thirty years.

The fact it’s someone specific that she has had a relationship with before is a pretty huge red flag IMO. To me this stinks of ‘approved affair’. He can’t say they have had a spectacular sex life but she has issues climaxing, after 10’years you should be able to know what works or nah not work for your partner. They really need to have a deep conversation about their relationship and what is going on.

If you move forward, I wouldn't be surprised if she wants to see him without you at some point. This sounds like she has feelings and has missed him. Also, I wonder how many guys are truthful about living in an open relationship.

Fun my wife and her long term lover have deep feelings for each other. Its part of their relationship. Their relationship is one of loving to spend a weekend together but can not live together. Very close friendship.

Trust your wife. Its silly to thinks that she is going to want to live with another man.

You can never dream I much fun your first 3 some will be. Be it a MMF are a FFM. I've done them both and loved them both.

This is the part that really sticks out...

"The only thing that has me even a little concerned is that she wants to do it with an old friend of hers that she had sex with before we met. Ive met the guy and hes seems like a really nice guy. I know he harbors feelings for her and has since they hooked up years ago. "

THIS is a huge red flag... and indicates an incredibly risky situation... Not only the inherent dangers of them falling for each other, as they seem to have a steamy past... but also the insecurity and jealousy that could present itself. Especially being brand new to the scene, I see it very likely to be disastrous.

For a first time, I would recommend someone that is not emotionally attached to your situation.