I guess it's possible that an out of the blue "in the right place at the right time" connection could be made but highly unlikely.....How would you discreetly advertise to let people who are in the lifestyle know that you are too, when you are in a non lifestyle environment like in that bar or restaurant, etc....Good topic....
I, the male here, have been "picked up" twice in my lifetime by swinger couples. Both times I had made eye contact with the wife with a smile and received a nice smile back. Both times the wife came over to me. One asked me to dance and the other pretended to order a drink next to me. Both times the wife asked me if I wanted to go home with her, and then explained the situation. Bottom line, if you are polite, express an interest with the OCCASIONAL eye contact and smile and don't be disrespectful, it could happen, but it is pretty rare unless you are at a place known for such things.
Sean, are you asking as far as a vanilla environment or a lifestyle environment? I took bars, restaurants and public as meaning vanilla, however, the responses have been how folks operate in lifestyle environments. The 2 are complete opposites so the advice would be completely different for both scenarios.
We fully agree with Ronnkathy. They are the sages.
We do seek out quality guys for us/her. --We look for them.--
There are a lot of guys seeking to "score a MILF" around the periphery lifestyle. But these guys are missing the boat in many ways. We have been to lifestyle parties or clubs where single guys who are only seeking a quickie, "sneak" in under the tent flap when no one's looking. But they are easily known by their offensive behavior and language. They often show quickly they are super unfamiliar with the hotwife scene, stag/vixen couples, swinger etiquette, and basic manners. Frau will not even entertain their entreaties.
The guys who do well behave as Ronnkathy describe. And we're blessed to have a small group with whom we associate for erotic fun. We cannot overemphasize the value of manners, cleanliness, some skills in chatting up others, and sticking to one's commitments.
Single guys who treat couples and women with utmost respect and affection are sought out by many, many couples. The word gets around informally which guys are nice and gentlemanly and which ones are turds.
I tell good-looking guys who want to date Frau how to speak to her, and 70% of the time they go the opposite approach. Those guys are both slow learners and arrogant to think a quality lady would give any of her time to a cretin. Guys, these ladies here want to have sex with different men or couples. The ladies are often very freaky and we love them for it. Gentlemen: cleanup your act, your language, and your game. You'll be successful and invited back again and again.
To end on a positive note. If you're a dude, and you want to have hot monkey love with a sexy, knowledgeable wife who wants to experiment a bit, do the things Ronnkathy and we suggest above. You'll build quality friendships with a high erotic aspect that will be good for all in the circle of trust. You will become a frequent guest star in a sexy marital bed near you.
Im a single male.
Last time I was at a club a woman asked if she could blow me while her husband watched.
I didn't notice and signals.
I think most couples just start with small talk and see where it goes.
There are so many single men in the Lifestyle, or trying to get into the Lifestyle, that couples don't "hunt" single men. They generally pursue single women. That's why single women swingers are called "unicorns."
There are three exceptions to this that I can think of. Couples with closeted bi males will reach out to bi single males because there's no way for those bi males to know which straight men in swinging couples are really straight, and which ones are just advertising as straight because of the stigma. I get lots of mail from "straight" husbands in couples who want to hook up with me.
Another exception is couples who fetishize Black men. They will reach out to single, straight men in the Lifestyle to fulfill "BBC" fantasies.
The third exception is couples into cuckolding.
Unless you're at a Lifestyle resort or club, don't expect to get picked up by a couple out on the prowl. That's Hollywood's idea of how swinging works.
Thank you for clarifying your point.. now as far as "us" we look for what we have listed on our profile. We enjoy fun people, those who love to laugh, dance, have good communication skills, and show respect to all during a meet and in bed.
Our last guy , last Saturday was a well-traveled swinger who was never.. ever on SLS but did attend Hedonism and other swing places around the world. He was introduced to us by a single female on SLS in another state. Why because both get what we are looking for and word does get around in the swing community.
Our night with the new guy is exactly what we look for: Show up on time, well dressed, smelled good, a great conversationalist about life travels and fun times, once we asked him to return to our home.... he had a spotless car, opened the door for Kathy, had some great converstaion, rubbed her leg casually and with respect, once at home he was offered some adult beverages as music played , lights down low all danced and they continued to make out as time went by... next was the bedroom and lets say he hit a homerun several times and knew how to act during a 3sum with ones wife... 3-4 hours later he left with a promise to return.. both exchanged cell numbers she smiled for days.
I hope you get what we look for and what we expect .. and YES we treat females the same way !
First of all, thank you for dropping in! Your input is much appreciated.
Certainly didn't mean to make it seem that way...mostly trying to have a catchy title that has some staying power. I do understand the difference but I'll be sure to demonstrate that better through text in the future. :)
I know how important boundaries are and want to be respectful of them. I do agree the vibes are likely to come out more naturally and there may be some instinct involved. However, I'm just curious to hear about everyone's approach, whether it's dressing a particular way or something they wear, or if they are very forward about it, etc.
I'm sure this has been posted before but looking for a fresh set of input.
When couples are out and about (e.g., bars, restaurants, public) do you have any actions, signals, or methods of expressing interest?
Do you ever notice a male who might clue in that you both might be interested? If so, do you do anything out of the ordinary to "confirm"?
Would be interested in hearing any stories or input :)
Thanks for your time
